Id have to give the same response..
My daddy never left me, I was never beaten or abused in anyway, and I hate taking even Tylenol for a headache ! I enjoy what I do. Meeting new interesting people. I met the most significant people in my escorting journeys than I have anywhere else in any realm of Life..
That includes the providers I meet on tour. It's so nice to sit and unwind with another provider while on tour in any city.
Do most of the strippers, porn stars, and escorts come from a similar background of abuse, neglect, drugs, and other tragic circumstances? OMG!
come from a backround of abuse, neglect, drugs and/or other tragic circumstances. Does this mean that it affects their choice to become a stripper, porn star or escort?
Some yes, some no.
Many of us (myself included) would give a loud and resounding NO for an answer. We do what we want to do for a myriad of personal reasons, I am one of those who loves my job, the pleasures it affords, and the freedom it creates for me.
Id have to give the same response..
My daddy never left me, I was never beaten or abused in anyway, and I hate taking even Tylenol for a headache ! I enjoy what I do. Meeting new interesting people. I met the most significant people in my escorting journeys than I have anywhere else in any realm of Life..
That includes the providers I meet on tour. It's so nice to sit and unwind with another provider while on tour in any city.
You can't categorize us simply based on what it is we've chosen to do for a living.
Sexworkers are a varied group of women with a myriad of backgrounds. Of course it can sometimes seem like we, more so than other women in society, have backgrounds of abuse and neglect. But consider *why* this is so.
Society has a great deal invested in convincing us that all sexworkers are battered, broken, abused drug addicts. In that way, the act of prosecuting as can be painted as an act of 'salvation', rather than what it is - the act of persecuting grown adults for choosing to use their bodies as they see fit. No one wants to hear about 'happy' hookers - and no media outlet can be bothered to portray them. Where's the press in a story like that?
If a percentage of all sexworkers are, indeed, from backgrounds like this, perhaps it's because something like 1 out of *every* 3 women come from backgrounds of sexual abuse. Your bank clerk or store clerk could very well have been sexually abused, but no one is going to claim that *this* is what made her become a clerk in the first place.
I'm a non drinking, non drug using, university educated, upper middle class, non broken home raised women with a brain. I choose to be an escort, of my own free will, and in spite of the fact that I could easily find well paying work in another world. I like what I do, and I'm not apologetic about it. You'll never hear about me in the media, and I'll never get a book deal, because girls like me don't sell papers or books.
Morgan
Morgan--------It's been a breath of fresh air to have found this site and to read postings from members like you. I'm new to the "sport" I met up with a provider (my first) as a result of being here. It was a refreshing experience.
Refreshing?----Absolutely---I find it exhilarating that women like you are out there--People like you fortify my faith in womankind.
There is such a gut level honesty about this whole scene.
You are one hell of a woman, and I have a great deal of respect for you - I know all I need to from your post, and your website. Well spoken, strong, educated... you are one in 100 million.
Too bad I don't live in Toronto..
You've said what I was trying to say...
but much better!
Morgan said: "Society has a great deal invested in convincing us that all sexworkers are battered, broken, abused drug addicts. In that way, the act of prosecuting as can be painted as an act of 'salvation', rather than what it is - the act of persecuting grown adults for choosing to use their bodies as they see fit. No one wants to hear about 'happy' hookers - and no media outlet can be bothered to portray them. Where's the press in a story like that?"
I'm sure you're right. It's become apparent to me that all the attention is focused - at least by the media - on the two extreme ends of what is a very wide spectrum.
On the one hand you might see articles about streetwalkers, perhaps in the context of their drug-abuse or deprived lifestyles; or maybe underaged runaways lured into prostitution. Or perhaps instead the focus will be on the dangers, especially of violence and sex crime. The tabloid extreme is, of course, the serial killer, so a rehash of one of those cases is always an easy filler if there's little hard news.
At the other extreme, there is celebrity news or gossip. The current Gerri Halliwell story, describing her as an "escort" is an example - non-news as titillating gossip. Imagine Gerri being groped by a 72 year old geezer - even if that geezer is a billionaire. These types of tales are normally about professional elites or celebrities, and it's even better if there's an added twist - Arab sheikhs, children's TV presenters or evangelical preachers, and add a fetish for extra sauce.
So, how does lazy journalism describe the women involved as secondary characters? Always in terms of background and lifestyle, and no one knows or cares whether the portrayal is truth or fiction. So, she'll be a 40 year old grandmother with a drug habit, or a judge's daughter gone astray, or a 15 year old runaway forced to do anal by her pimp. It's all good copy and sex sells.
Meanwhile, in the middle you have the vast swathe of people, minding their own business and getting on with their lives. A bit like society in general, don't you think?
Quote from Aphra: "Meanwhile, in the middle you have the vast swathe of people, minding their own business and getting on with their lives. A bit like society in general, don't you think?"
Precisely.
You're spot on about the two extreme ends of the spectrum being the only ones which garner press. Abused crack whores or high class jet setting call girls with Saudi Sheiks for clients. Hobbyists, to a certain extent, get lumped into two categories, as well - skeezy pervs trolling street walkers, or high end jetsetters who blow $3K per date.
And yet here the rest of sit, quietly off the radar. We don't get mentioned, simply because we 'blend'. You could walk past any of us, at a salon, a gym, a PTA meeting, and never guess that we have secret lives.
Morgan
"Society has a great deal invested in convincing us that all sexworkers are battered, broken, abused drug addicts. In that way, the act of prosecuting as can be painted as an act of 'salvation', rather than what it is - the act of persecuting grown adults for choosing to use their bodies as they see fit. No one wants to hear about 'happy' hookers - and no media outlet can be bothered to portray them. Where's the press in a story like that?"
I find this quote quite interesting. This portrayal of the sex worker came into vogue in the 1950's. The book "Cast the First Stone" did portray sex workers as victims. Yet, this portrayal, in an of itself, was originally intended to humanize the provider. Judge John Murtagh, judge of the New York Women's Court in the '40's and '50's, was actually in favor of decriminalization! He wrote about the women he saw, and he saw the women who were victims -- they were the ones who got caught! This was when compassion for victims of society was politically fashionable, and condescension was probably the best means to achieve reform. At the time, any other image of the prostitute would have been seen as a threat to the social order. In the early twentieth century, the more common stereotype of the sex worker was the completely normal woman who got steered into sex work by a seasoned pimp (or who was on the brink of starvation).
Here's where I differ. One can be honest by portraying the sex worker as a healthy sane woman who loves what she does. But that won't help providers one bit. That's because it would only enhance envy of yet another stereotype, of the woman who is having lots and lots of fun, having as much sex as she wants, and gets paid for all fun and no work.
(This ignores all of the work that goes into providing, and the fact that number of billable hours is always fewer than the number of working hours, much as in the legal profession. Also, paying a musician allows him to practice his music. Not paying him means that he will need some other job to pay the bills and won't have nearly so much time to practice. So, he may love his work, but he still needs to get paid.)
Not very many people (men or women) are cut out for sex work; this only exacerbates the envy. It's been said that a Puritan is someone haunted by the fear that someone, somewhere, is having fun. But it's far more politically correct to feel sorry for one's object of hatred than to overtly persecute them. It's hard to say whether it's worse getting pitied or envied. Dealing with condescension is infuriating, yet envy can lead to "Carrie Nation" types setting brothels on fire -- the Temperance movement did that a century ago.
Furthermore, there's a gender role here. Sex work is mostly women's work, and any profession branded "women's work" gets lower pay, lower prestige, and social contempt. It isn't that women are shunted to bad jobs, but that jobs with more women in them lose social prestige. In sex work today, the providers are overwhelmingly women and the customers are overwhelmingly men. Although sex work isn't inherently patriarchal, its structure is. I think that if women had most of the power, privilege, money and prestige, women would be expected to have as much sex as possible and men would be expected to be virgins until marriage and monogamous afterwards. And most of the sex workers would be men. (And theologians such as St. Agatha of Hippo and St. Theresa Aquinas would claim that gigolos are a necessary evil to protect the purity of married men!)
If sex work were so healthy, why aren't more men working? If paying for sex were so moral, why isn't there more female demand? Or is the perceived sickness of sex work merely a psychological projection of the sickness of our society? You may be healthy and sane, but that doesn't mean the rest of our society is.
Great post Musical Joke! You are one fart smeller, er, I mean smart fella! You are a man I totally agree with and I think that we could spend hours preaching to the choir.
You're assertion that society has a vested interest in portraying prostitution as a social problem is spot on. I think that society still feels the need to view protitution as a threat to the structure of the family unit. As hobbyists, I think most of us would agree that in many cases, providers have actually saved some marriges outright. There have been many threads posted about this subject.
I feel that I can look at this subject with a very objective eye. I have never been married, although I have come close on several occasions. I turned to hobbying because at my age,(57) I am tired of looking for woman on the various dating sites. Most woman think I'm in my forties.I have been spoiled my whole life, and I like younger woman. I'm not into jumping through all these hoops that 45 year old woman think they can hold in front of me. They all have agendas. I learned a long time ago, that there is a big difference between free pussy and pussy that that you pay for. In the long run, free pussy is much more expensive! Ask anyone who has gone through a divorce. Don't get me wrong, I don't mean to denigrate married hobbyists. I'll probably die a lonely old man, but getting back to the original topic, here's my point!
The puritan mentality is indeed predicated on the assumption that someone, somewhere is having fun. Especially, if someone is having more fun then them! Our society has always operated on the presumption that the family unit is the mainstay. Hence, woman have always been taught to believe their POP, (Power OF Pussy)would be able to hold their men in check. Somewhere along the line, men realized that the trade off wasn't worth it. If a guy goes out and busts his butt to give the little lady a $750,000.00 house, a Lincoln Navigator, three kids and six credit cards, shouldn't he be able to get laid more than once a month? Forget blow jobs, they ended at the aisle! I have too many friends and relatives who went through this bullshit. Pregnancy, post partum depression, new babies, I'm too tired, PMS, you never help me, all you ever think about is your friends, ad nauseam! Hey,if you're not horny and won't take care of me, I'll take care of myself!
As to the gender role, yes, sexual providing generally falls under the aegis of woman. I'm not going to get into the aspects of equal work for equal pay etc., but, as you pointed out, although not patriarchal, the business structure favors the male. However, In that regard I would have to say that, IMHO, woman do have the upper hand. They may not have all the prestige or all the privilege, but they control half the money and all the pussy! That's all the power they need. A plethora of divorce lawyers would be more than happy to attest to that fact!
As to your theological references, Geez,wouldn't it be great if I could use my sexual proclivities to protect the purity of men? I'll give it my best shot! Lol.
As to your last query, I'd be a sexual provider in a heartbeat, if I had the goods! Society as a whole, and the institution of marriage in particular is in dire straits. Woman have to realize that they can't shut their sexuality off at the alter. Men have to realize that they can't sacrifice their sexuality or individuality to conform to society's standards of home and hearth. Man is a sexual being! If he matches himself correctly with a woman who's libido is equal, he has a fighting chance. If not, he'll just be another member of TER.
I see on the local news where Charlotte is trying to cut down on the number of street prostitutes by providing 'housing' or 'shelter' for these ladies; I guess the theory is that if you have a place to live you won't find it necessary to hook on the streets. I didn't quite get it.
The previous poster is, IMHO, exactly right. The only media coverage you see are either the "crack hoes" (their phrase, not mine) or the "Hollywood Madams" of the industry. Maybe John Stossel, on his "get real" series or whatever it's called, needs to interview some independent, happy, middle-range providers just to show the viewers that a provider can be a happy, healthy person who enjoys their work.
Do all women working in the restaurant industry come from the same background of abuse, neglect, drugs and other tragic circumstances?
I've found the same thing in the telecommunications industry, whenever I learn about somebody's home life.
I agree with Sola. If you are ever able to take a survey, you will probably be surprised to find that in most occupations, abuse, neglect, and so forth, is an ongoing problem.
I don't think independent escorts have a greater background of this, though SW's probably do.
Jenna herself pretty much says, at the beginning of the second chapter, that her reason for going into stripping and porn had to do with seeking emotional support from a boyfriend who wasn't capable of it. That seems to have been the worst insult to her.
And you could infer what this guy's childhood was like.
/Zin