TER General Board

At first blush...
Blue672 3 Reviews 2751 reads
posted

...I would suspect that there are "some" who would accept your assesment of your SO, and his feelings with respect to your clients.
For your sake I would hope that you are right, that you are somehow not being blinded by your own emotions, own needs. I suppose something as you describe with your SO is possible, but in reality my guess is that is about as likely as finding the proverbial needle in a hay stack.
So, if it is as you say, then perhaps LJ is right in suggesting that he sounds like a keeper. You of course "know" him better than the rest of us. In a general sense I look at something like this with a jaundiced eye, a healthy dose of skepticism.

You are certainly to be commended for NOT seeing clients where you live, that's a wise choice for more reasons than one.

I myself am single and a somewhat infrequent participant in this  "hobby". I would find it more than difficult if I was in a committed relationship with someone to accept an arrangement as you describe with your SO. Then again people make their own personal choices as to how they lead their lives and if it works, then such is life. I just don't like to see people deceived, and worst than that, engage in self deception. Unfortunately that happens all too often with often damaging emotional consequences.
Perhaps you have found the needle in the hay stack.

BTW just so that I'm not misunderstood I have met a few women in this community that I truly admire and respect and I suspect there are many more out there. I could see myself in a committed relationship with someone who was once a provider but only after she left this part of her life behind. I don't think that's being judgemental, simply realistic. I of course would have also left this part of my life behind.

I do very much agree with your perception that there are those of us who seek that touch, need to touch a bit deeper and desire a bit of companionship as opposed to just a "roll in the hay" .

I hope this is not misconstrued.


-- Modified on 1/9/2005 10:01:29 PM

The Daddy3743 reads

On a couple of occasions, I have inadvertantly encountered the boyfriends of providers as I was arriving to or departing from the appointment. Of course, I can't be 100% sure in either case (although one guy had a key to her place), but I felt the same kind of "I see you, but I don't see you" glare from both as we passed each other. It lead me to wonder, how these guys view "The Hobby". Do they see providers themselves? Do they view hobbyists as "PL's" who are either too lazy, too busy or too married to not have to pay for fun? Just curious...

Although i would NEVER see anyone where i live, i have an SO who i met after i had already started providing. He does not see providers, although it would be fine with me if he did. He views my clients with every bit of the respect and care that i do. He understands that there are so many reasons that one might seek my time, all of which lead back to needing the touch and the companionship of another. It is the rare appointment for me that is "just a roll in the hay" most gents want to touch and be touched a bit deeper that that.

Love and Light
roxy

relaxn432102 reads

Roxy,

You make a good point and hit on something I have been thinking in reading through all types of posts (from "I love her" to "tie me up and spank me".

Statiscally I couldn't tell you how many Hobbyists work with Providers for reasons of GFE, Fantasy, hot 23yr old experience, loneliness, no sex at home but nice wife, no sex at home but icky wife, or any number of other reasons.

My personal reason for seeing a provider is excitement, some sexual attention, fantasy play (role play, extended foreplay) and other things that motivate me but will never be at home (despite trying).  And sure...I'm a guy so those new experiences with sensual women are nice and variety at some level is maybe selfish but welcome.  

So regardless of what motivates a Hobbyist we should keep in mind and articulate the reasons we meet - both Hobbyist and Provider alike.  I wouldn't want to pay 300 an hour for a GFE if what I realy needed were my balls tied up and my butt slapped.  Not too many 'Girl Friends' usually do that! ;-)

On the other hand - if a romantic and sensual session with a hot Provider is what I am looking for then great - that's what I'd like to meet about.

As long as the Provider is open to what you have in mind - no one looses!

At the end of the day we seek Providers to fulfill something.  That something should be communicated and understood by both parties.  At the same time - the Hobbyist should understand the reason they seek a Provider before doing so and accept what that reason is.

Questions like Wedding Rings or not confuse me.  Why on earth would a Provider care and why would someone even ask?  

Treat them all like the ladies they are, be nice and hope they listen to why you are there.  Otherwise, move on till you find what you need.  

   

MisterAnalyze1731 reads

I find that statement a little odd if you think he's your SO. Wouldn't you be jealous if he did?

I venture to say that you're seeing hobbyists because you need to make a living. But for him, it's a different story. If he does it, it's because he's looking for companionship.

roxy,
you are very lucky to have a SO who gives you that kind of support.
And we guys are lucky to have a lady like you around.

Thanks,

Just my opinion...
B

...I would suspect that there are "some" who would accept your assesment of your SO, and his feelings with respect to your clients.
For your sake I would hope that you are right, that you are somehow not being blinded by your own emotions, own needs. I suppose something as you describe with your SO is possible, but in reality my guess is that is about as likely as finding the proverbial needle in a hay stack.
So, if it is as you say, then perhaps LJ is right in suggesting that he sounds like a keeper. You of course "know" him better than the rest of us. In a general sense I look at something like this with a jaundiced eye, a healthy dose of skepticism.

You are certainly to be commended for NOT seeing clients where you live, that's a wise choice for more reasons than one.

I myself am single and a somewhat infrequent participant in this  "hobby". I would find it more than difficult if I was in a committed relationship with someone to accept an arrangement as you describe with your SO. Then again people make their own personal choices as to how they lead their lives and if it works, then such is life. I just don't like to see people deceived, and worst than that, engage in self deception. Unfortunately that happens all too often with often damaging emotional consequences.
Perhaps you have found the needle in the hay stack.

BTW just so that I'm not misunderstood I have met a few women in this community that I truly admire and respect and I suspect there are many more out there. I could see myself in a committed relationship with someone who was once a provider but only after she left this part of her life behind. I don't think that's being judgemental, simply realistic. I of course would have also left this part of my life behind.

I do very much agree with your perception that there are those of us who seek that touch, need to touch a bit deeper and desire a bit of companionship as opposed to just a "roll in the hay" .

I hope this is not misconstrued.


-- Modified on 1/9/2005 10:01:29 PM

How on earth does provider SO= Pimp, good god gents I do not know a provider who has a pimp, I know providers with boyfriends who either know or do not know, and I will admit I live a sheltered life, but I know a lot of providers, well and this is not the reality I know of at all.
Just to clarify gents, my SO and I have one of the most honest open relationships I have seen to date. Admittedly this is an odd arrangement and when I met him and said “This is what I do and if you can not handle it, I am not the girl for you.” Was one a reaction to the numerous struggles I see some of my provider friends go through because they attempt to completely hide what it is they do. Two, a large and loud statement of this sort,” I will not financially rely on someone else.”
We are both graduate students, we both have looked deeply in to our beliefs and values around sex and everything else, (long before we met each other). For me this process was an attempt to find what I believe /vs. / what I was told to think or what I think because it is the cultural norm. My beliefs on the subject are far too reaching to sum it up here, but I have to add that I do not believe that man is meant to be magnanimous. I believe that in forcing ourselves outside our “nature” we bring ourselves huge struggles. I am fully willing to admit that my glasses may be tined, but our commitment to honesty and openness keeps us grounded. The only times that he has expressed my actions have hurt him, have been times that we are at a provider/hobbyist “event” and I get absorbed in socializing and “showing off” and fail to make the eye contact or continue to return to his side, to keep that emotional bond in the fore fronts of our minds. We talk, we talk about EVERYTHING, and this is a requirement for all relationships, but especially one that chooses to live outside the norms of society. I do not want to make it all seem simple because it is far from simple, we have 3 teens between us that we have to guide and protect and provide with the feeling that “my life is normal” the juggling act is exhausting at times and without him, I could never do it. I surly never meant to dominate this thread; I know most providers have an SO.
Financially we contribute equally to our household, and that is all I will say on that matter.
As always
Love and light
roxy

JockeyPantsTroll3078 reads

The ladies I have seen who have boyfriends\husbands or whatever usually have problems with them. Jealousys is the biggest problem. Especially if the woman is supporting the guy!

But the important question to ask in the situation where they live together is this.

What kind of guy would have his SO do that for him?



Sorry to the ladies that have SO that know you are doing this. But ladies need to sit and examine the relationship with the SO. If the guy is not providing at least half of the household income, then he needs to be gotten rid of, because the ladies are being used by him to provide for his needs. I have yet to see a provider that has or had a SO, honestly say that the relationship was good for them, most only got the benefit of literally working their asses off when they got rid of the SOs and went solo.

I just have to ad my two cents to this.
I agree with the other posts, in that I don't need to live off
of a woman, in many cases, a provider winds up with an SO who
is a loser, because of the fact that men like me, are not
needy enough to be in a relationship with a provider, or
we are men who are willing to contribute, or we are insecure
about that kind of relationship, or we are just plain
selfish.
Providers are human, and also desire emotional security as well, and in order to persue there profession, there is often a trade
off in that they have to be the bread and butter to the relationship, and take the SO who is a loser.

GLisHJ1994 reads

If you were not offering him any financial support, would he still stay with you?  If the answer is no, then you are being pimped, and you need to wake up and start looking at the reasons why you think you need a man so badly that you would let yourself be pimped.

Musical Joke2186 reads

Okay, I'm a civvie, but I have some educated guesses about how pimps see the world.

First of all, as a matter of etiquette, I think it was rude for a provider's boyfriend to interfere with her work.  It was very bad form for him to be in the vicinity of her workplace when she had an appointment, especially when it undermined her image.

Two good books about pimps are The Second Oldest Profession (1931) and Black Players (1972).  Another good book is Cast the First Stone (1957); it's mainly about prostitution, but it has some good chapters about pimps.  These books are dated, but they give useful information about pimp psychology.

"Do they see providers themselves?"

As of fifty years ago, some pimps did see providers.  This was usually unpopular with a pimp's clients, just as a provider seeing a pimp is usually unpopular with her clients.  (Does it somehow feel that a provider is cheating on you if she hires her own provider?)  Paying a provider was prohibited in "The Book", the unofficial code of pimps 35 years ago which included the ironclad rule that no pimp is supposed to ever have sex without getting paid first.

Here are some of my own ideas of why pimps exist.

Call it yin and yang, Tantric polarity, or psychological economics, but some providers desire to pay on occasion rather than get paid.  The experience is probably different depending upon the direction of the charge.  Sure, that market attracts its share of losers, but think about what's involved.  How many men would want to become a kept boyfriend who is essentially a woman's pet -- or a professional boyfriend?  Because sex work is often regarded as women's work, a man who does sex work will naturally be despised.

Let's say a male provider sets his tariff and his wish list, with special rates for weekly visits.  That's playing by the provider's rules.  Let's say five or six providers hire this professional boyfriend.  He listens to her, goes shopping with her, looks at her, pays attention to her, lets her vent about life, does it in the sack the way she likes -- in other words, he treats her as if she's paying him for his time and companionship.  Would this man be a professional boyfriend?  A male provider?  A pimp?

A pimp exists because there is a market for him.  A male provider who sets rates and wish lists would be better than many a pimp -- WYSIWYG.  Still, while some client-provider marriages do work out, many don't because a client sees a provider when she looks great and can't adjust to being around the same woman when she lets her hair down.  A female provider's status as a provider often gets in the way of marriage when her husband doesn't share her status or respect her profession.  In contrast, a man who is no less of a provider than she is can never condemn her for her status without condemning himself.  Providers are more likely to trust one another because they have their profession in common, especially when there is strong social disapproval of the provider and her services.  So, one of the attractions of a pimp is that he effectively functions as a male provider for a female provider.

There are very real abuses of women that come from the provider-pimp relationship.  Yet, one must aim one's disgust carefully.  Contempt for a pimp can often be a thinly disguised (and political correct) means of expressing contempt for a provider.  By despising a provider's provider, one can express male chauvinism against men who do work normally reserved for women.  If it's okay to be a female provider, under what circumstances is it okay to be a male provider, even a provider's provider?  It's something to think about.

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