Let it go and consider yourself the better person for it. I know, three hundred and fifty bucks is a good deal of money (at least it is to me) and it hurts to lose it, but there isn't much upside to the you push me, I push you back harder game here.
If you haven't already, contact all the ladies you know in the business and let them know what happened and who the guy is so they are warned. Remember, a happy customer will tell two people, an unhappy customer will tell two hundred. It works the same in reverse, word will spread.
I would also suggest posting this on your local board for all there to see. If you're to embarrassed (although you really have no reason to be, we all screw up) to "out" yourself publicly take 2 minutes to set up a free hotmail or yahoo email and use that email as a way for any ladies to contact you for the needed info.
I would also suggest going over to the oTher BoarD and grabbing a membership there that allows you to get in the providers only area. I would think that would be a good place to keep up on things of this nature as well as share this one, and also a place where you can get more candid input on stuff like this then you will on an open board like this one is.
-- Modified on 1/8/2005 4:55:00 PM
Ive been a provider now for about 7 months and during this time Ive only gotten excellent reviews. I try to make every man I see as the most important thing that graced this earth. And as such, I give really memorable sessions and most of the men just love me. At the same time though, Ive always been quite naive about people and I truly only look at the good in people. While my naivity and sweetness has for the most part been a positive factor in this biz (considering I live in NYC where cynics reign), it was last week that I had the unfortunate event that these apsects of me made me realize I do need to be more untrusting and cynical of people. And this makes me very sad.
Im at a loss here and before I let my anger take over, I ask for your opinions. My disclaimer though, yes someone must have hit me with the stupid stick and I am very angry at myself for allowing this to happen.
Last week I had a one hour session with a guy who found me on eros. I meet him late that night at his apt downtown and my first impression was that he seemed like a genuine and caring guy. He had a very nice apartment and throughout our entire session he treated me with great respect. I was his first ever escort (so he said) and I could feel his nervousness. Me being the nice and caring person I am, took control and showed him an outstanding time. He even went so far as to try to ask me out on a real date, and kept asking if I had a boyfriend. I never cross over, so I just delicately moved the conversation elsewhere. As the session ended, he asked me again how much, and I said $350. As I sat on the couch waiting for him to collect the money he owes me, he surprises me by starting to write a check. I told him I dont accept checks and told him its never done like this, it was a cash only business. He looked somewhat startled and didnt quite know what to do. At this point, he was my fourth client of the day (a lot for me, I usually like to keep it at two a day), so I was tired and it was late at night and I have to say I obviously was not thinking right. I assumed that by his actions towards me that he was a good honest guy. So silly me I accepted the check.
Im sure you can guess the rest of the story. Ill say it anyway. The very next day I deposit it in my account. Three days after that I realize its been returned. Im assuming because of insufficient funds. Today, the bank returned the check to me via mail and like a gloating laughing face staring up at me were the words, reason: stop payment. The f*!#cking a-hole stopped payment! I have his first and last name, phone number AND address (he said he was an artist so I had no work info). Is he stupid? I already know I am. Ive tried calling him quite a few times now to allow him to explain himself, but only get voicemail. I want to tell him that I can out him, smear his name and info through all the boards, and just threaten him until he pays up. But of course I doubt this is a good idea. I dont know. I have a friend who has "friends" who could collect the money for me. But thats just sketchy and I hate to go there. But I feel like I cant let this behavior go unnoticed. Yes, I should be lucky it was for only $350 and not more. But it was still enough to cause my bank account to be messed up. I just dont know what to do and Im so angry. Do I let it go? Do I threaten? Sorry this was so long by the way.
If only to serve as a lesson for this asshole. At the very least have his fucking nose broken. Believe me you'll say some of your sisterhood from this type of B$.
We all make mistakes, let it be a lesson learned. You should, make sure to ALWAYS collect the money up front, to keep this from happening again.
Also, you should put him on a bad client list, there are some Ladies boards out there, e-mail me if you need help on this. I feel the best way to handle this, is to try to make ladies aware of him, so it doesn't happen to them.
Karma, will take care of him! Remember, every dog has his day in Hell!
Keep your chin up!
Hugs,
Kelly
-- Modified on 1/8/2005 5:06:15 PM
Ouch.
To be burned so sharply for a moment of trust really hurts.
First suggestion -- ease up on yourself. You may have been foolish, even silly, but you weren't stupid.
At the moment you are out a bit of $ and worse a bigger chuck of pride for making what feels like a beginner's error.
But the risk I see is doing something while feeling bad that will hurt you more in the long run.
Having friends collect the $ is simply compoundng one wrong with another and is not a good way to go.
Outing him is problematic -- it is considered an extreme response in this community and is justified for acts that create danger -- but this act is sleazy yes, is not in the danger class. Back channel flagging would be fine -- unfortunately NYC is a rather large community and it will only be modestly effective.
I think the best you can do is try to let your anger go and chaulk it up to experience. that's easy for me to say in the comfort of my study, but I have been stiffed by other people in just the same way -- for work other than escorting obviously 
-- holding the anger and the struggle only prolongs the pain.
Remember, you will wake up in the morning a nice person and he will wake up a creep. And that is every morning.
Take the proverbial deep breath and do something very sweet for yourself -- you deserve it.
That's the way it's done. Tell people his general description
via a post and have them email you for more information. You
can ask the moderator how much info is acceptable to post before
you post. This type of warning is allowed and has been done
before.
I would still try to collect the money. There must be avenues
like small claims court or have a lawyer friend threaten him
with a letter. Of course, he withheld payment for legal
services rendered .
Why didn’t you accompany him to an ATM? They are all over the place. If this happened in LA, I know people who would give you about $100.00 for the check. They would have no trouble collecting the $350.00 and then some.
Hind sight is always 20/20. Like I said I was tired, it was late and I wasnt thinking right. It wasnt until I got home that night that maybe I should have sent him to an ATM while I sat in his apartment. But there wasnt much I could do at that point. I feel really foolish, a definate hard lesson to learn.
Don't be so hard on yourself. He planned this out well, probably screening you for it, and he executed it smoothly. I hate to say that there's little you can do without counterplanning for it. I know you're hurt because he took you in so totally, but at least you got a lesson about grifters and cons early on in your career with this guy, who is an amateur. Every provider should have this. You'd do well to educate yourself more about them now, because $350 is just amateur chump change compared to what you can lose.
Even getting the envelope at the beginning doesn't guarantee that he wouldn't load it with six or seven one-dollar bills. Just think, his stop payment, at least, cost him much more than that.
No matter what industry, other businesses have just these kinds of setbacks with deadbeat customers. You should trust only your long-term clients, who keep in contact with you, and not the ones you just met that night.
This amount of money isn't worth breaking his nose for. But it is worth flagging him.
/Zin
-- Modified on 1/8/2005 4:29:58 PM
1-You must collect the money up front
2-You must NEVER and I mean NEVER discuss payment. While unlikley that LE would set you up AFTER the fact, I think this was the more serious error on your part.
Now you have learned the lesson. Please don't let this jade your view of us good hobbiests out there.
Be safe.
"Letting it go" only reinforces his behavior -- he does what he does because he gets away with it.
$350 is NOT worth getting yourself into trouble, but don't let it go either. There are ways to make his life miserable without doing anything illegal. Have fun with it. When you've had $350 worth of fun as his expense, move on.
-- Modified on 1/8/2005 6:16:54 PM
Let it go and consider yourself the better person for it. I know, three hundred and fifty bucks is a good deal of money (at least it is to me) and it hurts to lose it, but there isn't much upside to the you push me, I push you back harder game here.
If you haven't already, contact all the ladies you know in the business and let them know what happened and who the guy is so they are warned. Remember, a happy customer will tell two people, an unhappy customer will tell two hundred. It works the same in reverse, word will spread.
I would also suggest posting this on your local board for all there to see. If you're to embarrassed (although you really have no reason to be, we all screw up) to "out" yourself publicly take 2 minutes to set up a free hotmail or yahoo email and use that email as a way for any ladies to contact you for the needed info.
I would also suggest going over to the oTher BoarD and grabbing a membership there that allows you to get in the providers only area. I would think that would be a good place to keep up on things of this nature as well as share this one, and also a place where you can get more candid input on stuff like this then you will on an open board like this one is.
-- Modified on 1/8/2005 4:55:00 PM
Unfortunately the world is full of asshole's. The most maddening thing in the world can be when someone take's advantage of someone else's good nature. As WildwestKelly said alway's collect your donation up front. Any legitimate client should take care of that matter right away. A lot of guy's bitch about the provider counting the money before hand, if she doesn't want to go through what you did she will. Maybe not right in front of him but take it into the bathroom or something. I've heard of a few stories by provider's where they didn't do so and later find out they were short changed. Unless a guy has seen the provider before, and even that's iffy, he shouldn't be offended by her counting it. Business is business, GFE doesn't mean GF, the time is being paid for, it's the experience that make's it seem otherwise. Everyone make's mistake's, this was evidently and unfortunately your first and hopefully your last in this regard. Quite a few of us guy's have had our share of expensive learning experience's. As satisfying as having his head cracked could be, as arlo24 stated, it could probably lead to more trouble, LE. Do as some of the women have been doing, make a regional or general post to these board's and any other's you know of. "Provider Alert" "Scam artist at play, email for further info". Of course you'd have to supply a contact email. We're not all asshole's, at least in that aspect, so don't let it ruin your sweetness, just be more cautious.
A provider should ALWAYS get her funds upfront. Excuse yourself with the envelope and take it into the bathroom to count. All clients should understand this, and also help encourage this. I would rather look bad, than to be ripped off. Remember, this IS a business. YOUR business. Just like any other businesses out here, you will not survive too long, if you cannot control your funds.
Handling money when you first see the guy is how escorts get busted.Which is worst a prostitution charge or the slim chance that a weasel screws you out $350.??
I disagree. If the cops say that a girl gets busted, she gets busted. At least if she does, she doesn't do anything (sexual favors) for that money. So when they take it back it's not like she did anything and didn't get her money. This guy got everything and she got no money. I have had sessions with cops and they paid me up front and after their 50 million questions and them seeing I wasn't going to do anything illegal they asked for their money back and they got it. I didn't do anything to them and they got their money back and I stayed out of jail. If a guy pays a girl after the session is over there is more than a slim chance that the girl isn't going to get her pay.
Considering our screwed up legal system, I guess you somewhat have a point but then again was anything mentioned of what the money was for? Escort's LEGALLY provide their time for money, a licensed business. Look in the phone book, escort service's are listed in the Yellow page's. I have heard of escort's having their dealing's with LE but I'd be inclined to think it doesn't happen that often. MOST, but of course not all, LE crack down's on such matter's are the result of public complaint, such as street walker's loitering around on corner's with john's cruising by, etc. As most escort's advertise, you are simply paying them for their time, if anything else happen's, that's between two consenting adult's. A main reason there should absolutely be no talk of any type of service for money during the meeting. That's how escort's do get pinched, "FS is extra, it'll cost you $$$", "if you want Greek it'll cost another $$$". Most legitimate provider's won't partake in such conversation's, it's usually the rookie's or scam artist that do so. It sure leave's us guy's at a disadvantage not knowing what to expect with a new provider but thankfully there is a review board like TER. As far as the general public know's, two friend's are just getting together to spend some time together, behind closed door's, not bothering anybody.
Just something you brought up about the general population, lol. I thought escorts just danced around in front of you and stripped until I found this site. That was a happy day.
Thank you hugs4u, just my two cent's as well as the other's.
She kept calling his bank to find when he had enough money in the bank.Then when he did she took it straight to his bank and cashed it. I am sorry it happened to you.
Hugs
Dawn
$ is in his account, the bank will not honor the check. It's true that when a check bounces for lack of funds you can find out when there are sufficient funds to cover the bounced check and then cash it, but in this case, the jerkwad specifically blocked the bank from paying the check so she cannot try again.
So sorry to hear about this.
I know how you feel. I've had a similar experience where I was seriously short-changed when I let an evening run long. My sense is that it's generally best to let it go, and to take it as an experience to learn from.
But don't let it get to you. There are respectful men out there too. It's just a tough lesson.
The whole "this is the first time I've done this" makes me think this guy is a pro...or at least he's done similar things in the past. As many have mentioned, at least it was just $350 - I'm in the rental business where a lady just stole a $15,000 car with a similar type scenario, and if we don't recover it...well it's a family owned company that would take a hit like that hard. We'll eat, but someone stealing from you like that just really makes you feel totally violated.
And my preference is to hunt down the person who did it and absolutely rearrange their face. 50ish year old lady, who pulled the con with her 7 year old daughter as a prop. Needless to say, I can afford to spend more time and effort to recover my money, and it was a legal transaction, unlike yours. If it was me? I'd give him one last chance to pay you, then give him hell. Hey, karma's a bitch - but why not give it a little push along?
Hi,
I'm really sorry this happened to you. Have you left a message on his voice mail or tried calling from a payphone? I didn't see a post on any of the chick boards with this guys' info. May I have his info so that I don't make the mistake of seeing him?
Thanks and a hug for you,
Laura
No matter what this guy's story, take some responsibility. You are always the master of your choices. Choose wisely or get burned.
Do you take your safety so lightly? You are lucky it was only a bounced check.
Yes this creep should have not done that, but you are freeking kidding me to think that he wouldnt try it. I dont care how tired you are, you dont take your safety nor your money so lightly.
If you really want to get this guy, take a stand that you will educate other providers on how to be safe. Learn and share so this doesnt happen to others. Become an advocate or voice for being safe. Then this creep will not have suckers to prey on.
Beating him up only adds to his evidence that others deserve to be hurt or taken advantage of. Invite him to see how his actions are hurting him. Enroll him of taking responsibility for his way of being.
then you will no longer be upset with this ever again.
rbear: Absolutely fantastic advice.
Give his name to nyc providers.. black list him..If ya had to take one subway in the cold ny winter, walk 18 blocks and splashed mud on clothing.. smear his name nationally.. *hahaha*
Add another country if you had habeeb for a taxi driver * smile *
Honestly. We all make mistakes as new providers. Chalk it up as a lesson learned...
[email protected]
I believe that smearing his name would be a huge waste of time and negative energy at least outside your area. I would definitely tell people/providers you are friends with though.
But calling your underworld to help collect is a better idea-then maybe he'll think twice b4 doing this to someone else.
I hope you're doing better. In times like this, the feeling of "getting taken" came be worse than the actual monetary loss. If you haven't already posted on the NY board, you probably should so the NY providers can contact you for his information. Other than alerting other providers, it would probably be best to let it go.
my mistakes: they keep me humble.
She shows faith in another human being, he rips her off and you have the gall to lecture her about her own responsibility and tell her to teach other providers how to be safe?
"Invite him to see how his actions are hurting other people"?!Without a doubt the stupidests post I have ever read on this board. Excuse me while I go throw up.
Unhappy Provider -- this is just a hunch, but read this guy's 15 reviews, back-channel his provider's and compare their description of him to the fellow who just wrote you a check.
It was R_bear11, not I, who wrote that.
I would love it if you "back-channeled" the women that I reviewed. I would be happy to give you providers to "back-channel" that I didnt review too.
I care deeply for the safety of all that choose this work.
Instead of blaming others as it is so popular to do in todays society, I was mearly asking her to look at herself and see what kind of person she was being. She was being someone who was being ripped off. Then I was suggesting her to make a choice to become someone who takes more care in her life.
Who knows, from her experiences she might save others from being ripped off or worse.
Is this guy a creep? I never said he wasnt. Does he deserve a chance to change? Well, I might suggest he does. It might be a better society if more people were allowed the chance to see how they are being in the world and be given the chance to make a change.
Just a thought.
BTW I hope you feel better. Being sick can be a real bitch!
are, more often than not, shot dead before even getting out of their trench.
A far more prudent soldier lies in wait, hidden, until is adversary pops up his head.
clients beforehand have less of a chance of walking into something like this. If she had seen three clients before she met the creep that ripped her off, how well could she had screened any of them? This business is all about taking personal responsibility for the choices that we make. While I feel sorry for the lady, next time she need to get the cash up front, discreetly count it to insure that the amount is right and put it safely away in her purse, and never leave the purse sitting around.
One other lesson that should be learned from this is for the guys who dislike seeing a lady count the money. When she does not count and verify, she is going on the faith that the donation envelop does not have cut up newspaper inside of it. Not counting works for trusted regulars, but anyone else have to earn trust.
I take full responsibility for what happened, I never said I didnt. But that doesnt excuse his behavior. Yes, I had a lapse of good judgment and I regret not taking different actions. But then again, it does serve me a hard lesson and from now on I will be more careful. However, even with screening stuff like this can happen. I think its unfair for you to say I didnt care enough about my safety nor my money. Its like we are damned if we do and damned if we dont. I never ask for the money up front for fear of LE, so I wait till the end; but by doing so I expose myself to guys like this. The only way for me to not have come across him from screening is if I had requested provider references, which I did not do (in the future I will ask). And even then, who knows. But I have his first AND last name, his home address and his number, and his check with his bank information! He charmed me and I wanted to believe in the good of a person and I got screwed unfortunately for it.
I'm am truly sorry for your pain. I have never let this guy off the hook for his crap, but I don't have him here to talk too. He doesnt have the courage to put himself out there to get coaching like you did.
If you want sympathy, well I'm sorry too. Sympathy allows in action in my book. I have empathy, but sympathy... (I am assuming and hoping that is not what you want from me/us)
Every business person goes through a learning curve. You just got lucky that he only burned you for cash. You now have a choice, to do it differently or not. I don't know enough about how to do this business to suggest how you should do it differently or not, but there are many many women who do. That is what the intention of my suggestion was. For you to seek information and eliminate targets for these creeps.
Hmmmm....
Sympathy: Noun
1.)An inclination to support or be loyal to or to agree with an opinion
2.)Sharing the feelings of others (especially feelings of sorrow or anguish)
3.)A relation of affinity or harmony between people; whatever affects one correspondingly affects the other
(Nothing expressed or implied about inaction, or lacking personal responsibility, or absolution of mistakes, or not learning from mistakes or any other negative conotation your post implies it carries.)
Empathy: Noun
1.) Understanding and entering into another's feelings
(see, now from your two posts, I'm not seeing empathy, I'm not seeing you having entered into her feelings, hell, I don't even see you understanding her feelings....I don't see you understanding her words.)
I do though, get a touch of judgement wrapped in some pop-psychology buzz phrases like " Enroll him of taking responsibility for his way of being" and "Become an advocate or voice for being safe".
Thing is she titled her post "Someone must have hit me with the stupid stick." yeah, no personal responsibility there....completely blaming him....you were on the money to chastise her.
She went on to say she was angry at herself...yep, more of that dodging her role in all this.
Later in her post she says, "I have to say I obviously was not thinking right"....damn will her shirking of responsibility know no bounds?
Her entire original post was her chastising herself for making the mistake of trusting this looser, the anger she wrote of was at herself for the most part, and you read that as not taking responsibility?
Since you told all of us how you read it, let me tell you I read it: She was feeling very bad about herself for trusting this guy, she was angry at herself for making a mistake, and she was venting about it, simple as that.
She did, at the very end of her post ask if she should let it go or try alternate means of collecting, (How exactly do read that as her wanting your "coaching"? I did not read that as a solicitation for you services as "life coach".) two options she saw as means to get beyond this.
Unsolicited life advice?
Here's mine:
We all have the chance to do the right things or the wrong things in the course of our lives.
I choose to do the right thing, and allow others their choice.
I have on many occasions be taken advantage of because of this, and most of the time I actually know the person is going to do it (actually I am more offended when people try and "work" me, because the implication is that I am mentally obtuse instead of simply just a touch too submissive), but if I don't give them the chance to do the wrong thing, I don't give them the chance to do the right thing either.
I can stand to take a few financial hits, and the work or money I have lost, by my attempts at dealing fairly with others, is not an amount so great as for me to stop trusting that there are people that will do right given the chance, and certainly not enough to make me change my efforts at being fair to others.
You speak of saftey quite a bit.
This is not a safe profession, sadly, that these women are in.
Each time they do an "outcall" appointment there is the possibility of harm, each time they allow someone in to an "incall" location they have allowed another access to them that could be used against them, each time they meet a new client, regardless of "incall" or "outcall" they are risking some safety.
Seems to me for all the talk of her safety, her physical safety was more protected by taking a cheque than it would have been had she got into a car and went to an ATM with this guy, or with anyone she doesn't know, or allowing him to leave and perhaps not return alone. Seems to me she was protecting herself in that.
Unhappy Provider,
To your initial question, I would advise you let it go.
Don't allow the (wrong) actions of another, make you do something that is against your nature, don't allow his willingness to take advantage of you make you someone that would allow, or ask physicall harm to be done to someone.
You trusted this man, and accepted a cheque from him.
That may not have been the wisest thing you could have done, but better that than leaving with him to get "cash" which could have opened you to much more danger than a cancelled cheque.
So, you will make it much clearer to all other new cliets that they are required to have cash, and you will collect up front, but that doesn't mean you have to allow one looser to make you now look at all others as being like him. He shouldn't be allowed to have the power to change who you are as a person, to change you into a cynic, to make you see the world and those you share it with in a completely different light.
You shared your story, and that should serve as a kind of warning to others not to make the same mistake. If anyone asks for more details about the guy, to protect themselves, of course share (not that I need to tell you that...but in case other's find fault at the obvious not being said to "enroll all in taking responsibity" :p ). From what I have read in these posts, you sound like a good person, don't let anyone change that.
I am sorry you got taken, but you avoided phsycal harm, and for that I am glad.
Always at your service in times need. *grin*
I'm am truly sorry for your pain. I have never let this guy off the hook for his crap, but I don't have him here to talk too. He doesnt have the courage to put himself out there to get coaching like you did.
If you want sympathy, well I'm sorry too. Sympathy allows in action in my book. I have empathy, but sympathy... (I am assuming and hoping that is not what you want from me/us)
Every business person goes through a learning curve. You just got lucky that he only burned you for cash. You now have a choice, to do it differently or not. I don't know enough about how to do this business to suggest how you should do it differently or not, but there are many many women who do. That is what the intention of my suggestion was. For you to seek information and eliminate targets for these creeps.
I'm am truly sorry for your pain. I have never let this guy off the hook for his crap, but I don't have him here to talk too. He doesnt have the courage to put himself out there to get coaching like you did.
If you want sympathy, well I'm sorry too. Sympathy allows in action in my book. I have empathy, but sympathy... (I am assuming and hoping that is not what you want from me/us)
Every business person goes through a learning curve. You just got lucky that he only burned you for cash. You now have a choice, to do it differently or not. I don't know enough about how to do this business to suggest how you should do it differently or not, but there are many many women who do. That is what the intention of my suggestion was. For you to seek information and eliminate targets for these creeps.
Chalk it up to a bad experience and move on...
next time...greeenbacks "on the barrel head".
The sun came out Today(at least in NYC)...Enjoy!
Cheers!
hobbyists this mean and stupid out there. Not only was this guy a vile rip-off artist, he was also taking a hell of a risk. Too bad this wasn't one of the instances where the provider had a no-neck driver waiting outside the door. Still, I think best move here is to let it go and to take some steps to avoid this in the future--check out prospective client by his reviews, get the money up front, etc. I'm sorry you had to go through this.
Of course, the idiot that took advantage of the lady probaly knew that she would not have a no-neck driver waiting outside. The best way to avoid louts like him is to screen, screen, screen, AND count the money up front.
And don't accept checks!
..I think it is 6 months. Find out what is the limit at his bank and then go and cash the check after it has expired (although there is also a time limit on checks as well). Good Luck and we are not all like him.
I believe that according to the UCC written stop payment orders expire after six months. He won't remember to renew it then. Wait six months, cash it and really piss him off.
checks are not valid after 6 months
Just out of curiousity I did a little looking around on this matter. Check out this link, it's a reverse situation of yours but the guy who had the check still managed to get his money. The follow up post's seem to say the check writer is still responsible for payment regardless. Now all you have to do is find a place to cash it. If you can it's pretty safe to say he won't take legal action about it. The only bad thing is that it involve's a totally innocent third party, the place that cash's it. Just think if you do get it cashed it will have cost him the original money he owed you PLUS the fee he paid to stop the payment. That'll burn his ass.
are not criminals.
Both prostitutes and their clients are criminals by definition, not by nature. With the exception of breaking the laws against prostitution, I believe the majority of people in the hobby are honest, law abiding citizens. Most criminals have no problem going from one crime to another. They might be engaged in armed robbery today, and burglary tomorrow. On the other hand, girls who are professional escorts are not criminals by nature and usually don’t engage in other illegal activity. If business slowed down, they wouldn’t switch to identity theft, etc, to make ends meet. Therefore, we have a tendency to be naïve and trust people who maybe shouldn’t be trusted.
Sorry that happened to you. I will start off by giving you my 2 dollars and 2 cents on this and then tell you what I would do. First off, this guy is oviously not a pro: just an idiot. Possibly trying to scam someone whom he was banking on (no pun int.) would not want to cause a scene. But let's not jump too quickly to conclusions! After reading your description of events, my first inclination was: this guys a ROA who should have his kneecaps busted. But then I thought about it and carefully read your events again. (Yes I have too much idle time And I watch too much CSI) He cancelled HIS CHECK. With his info. All traceable. I don't believe anyone is PURPOSELY that stupid, scam artist or not. Just as one could say YOU were stupid for taking a check and leaving. (Don't take that the wrong way) Obviously you are not stupid but like you said, it was late, you were tired and he seemed like an honest guy. We all make mistakes sometimes. Including the Johns. (I am not by any means defending this guy!) Now what was his motive for writing you a check? Had he planned to rip you off? If he was planning, why didn't he have the check ready? Why did he ask you how much, that late in the game? Why not a bogus check from a bogus account? Here is a possible scenario which may fit an explanation of this guys apparent stupidity:
John is really horny and finally gets the courage to call an escort for the first time. In his excitement and nervousness, he is not prepared. He either neglected to find out the price or forgets to get cash or thought he had more cash on him. John has a good time and now time for payment. He finds he owes $350. He panics because he realizes he doesn't have any/enough cash. Trying to play it cool, but not thinking straight he writes a check. Move forward. Later John realizes because she took a check, he could easily cancel it and only pay the bank fees. And because of the sensitive underground nature of the business, he figured there was probably little or no chance of the sweet girl wanting to make a deal of it. Either that, he realized he didn't have enough in his account (being an artist in NY) and knowing most people keep trying to deposit an "insufficent funds" check until it clears, each time getting charged for bounce fees. In either case, John realizes he's done a really stupid thing after getting phone calls and hopes the problem eventually goes away by ignoring it. Or he has a S.O. and he is trying to be discreet about it. OR he just down right doesn't care! Okay okay, my imagination is getting carried away but it just doesn't seem to jive that someone who was planning to rip you off would invite you to his address and write a check connecting him to his bank. Unless he is really a good con artist knowing you would never pursue this further. Obviously you do not want to escalate the situation too much or waste too much time/stress over three and a half bills: BUT at the same time, the guy should not think he got away with it and maybe try it again. Here's what I propose you do, but be cool:
Call him every day leaving a message with his full info that goes something like this, "Hi, this message is for (Full name) at (full address) this is (provider) calling from (escort agency) This is your (#) notice regarding your payment for services rendered. Your check has been cancelled and we need full payment plus bank cancellation fees. We request you arrange immediate payment before it is handed over for collections. You may contact us at (# or email). If you do not respond by (date/time?) Your full information and description will be posted. Now of course, this is a light scare tactic but you want to keep your nose clean. Best case scenario is he is doesn't want to be harrassed anymore and save himself futher embarrasment so he contacts you to make payment, which you demand in cash and meet at a place you designate with a couple of large friends. Then tell everyone in the business about him. Worst case scenario, he gets too nervous and once again gets stupid by calling the cops, and says you are harrassing him hoping to scare you off his back. Which is nothing to worry about because you "have not done anything illegal" and that this guy refuses to pay after providing him with the appropriate company, at which point you show evidence of his cancelled check. This will be a huge waste of time for LE because they will side with you assuming this John was looking to pay for illegal acts and when he didn't get it (*because you're not that kind of girl), he didn't want to pay. If you know what I mean. Another scenario is that he moves, changes #, changes bank and disappears. Which is doubtful because all of that is a pain in the ass and potentially costly. At which point you post all his personal info. here and if they don't let you, send it to me and I'll track him down and have him suffer an unfortunate accident involving one of his kneecaps. (I have some amazing resources at my disposal) That way when any of you NY providers see a guy fitting his desc. limping on one leg, you'll know who it is! Okay, I've wasted enough space on this board already. Let me know how things pan out. (Solely for entertainment, of course. *wink*)
She should listen to you, as your advice (though towards the end of a long post) is the best offered.
If you have the check - has it been stamped by the bacnk and if so, what does it say? If nothing has been written on the check, you can take it to a check cashing store where they charge a hefty fee, but are sure to get thier money.
Case in point of a check writters problem -
Under RCW 62A.4-403, a maker of a check can issue a stop payment order to his or her bank. Provided that a bank has a reasonable time to act on your request, it is required to follow your instruction that the check not be paid. In fact, this is what happened in your case. You have no dispute with your bank.
Instead, your former tenant (the “holder” of the check as defined in the UCC) negotiated the check “for value” to CHEXRUS. Because CHEXRUS had no knowledge of your stop payment order, they are what the UCC calls a “holder in due course.” Without discussing this in its entirety, a holder in due course is a person or entity who takes a check for value (gives something in return – in this case cashed the check), in good faith and without notice that it has been dishonored or that there are any defenses to payment (had no knowledge of your potential claim against the tenant or the stop payment order).
Since CHEXRUS is a holder in due course, they can bring an independent lawsuit against you to collect on the check for the monies they paid out. Even worse, under RCW 62A.3-520, CHEXRUS can (and probably already has) sent you a Notice of Dishonor. This notice informs you that you have to pay the face amount of the check, plus: 1) collection costs; 2) interest; and 3) $300 or three times the amount of the check, whichever is less. The Notice of Dishonor also states that you may be liable criminally for writing a bad check.
Good Luck
I really appreciate it. I think Im just going to let it go, as much as I would love the satisfaction to know that the guy is suffering from my doing. Oh boy do I have visions of him beat up, thrown around, running away scared! I did post all of his info on Craigs List and have been constantly calling (of course no answer), hoping to make a dent in his comfort zone. Unfortunatly I dont think I can do anything with the check either. The bank stamped a big STOP PAYMENT across it and punched three holes through the account number printed at the bottom. It was one hour of my time and Im just grateful that it was only that. At least I didnt totally suffer with a big fat smelly gross guy! (haha). Seriously, I truly believe in Karma and his actions will come back to haunt him someday while I can live with the satisfaction that I am living a life where I feel proud to call my own.
Now that hurt's! I happen to be a big fat smelly gross guy.
I had a sitation involving about the same amount of money in which the provider looked nothing like her pictures and smelled "fishy" in certain parts of her. The smell was so bad that I could not get turned on no matter how hard i tried and spent the whole time burning cd's for her. I gave her $$ for her time and just let it go.
I think this is just as disrespectful as the stopped check, although maybe a bit less malicious. Give me some input as to what I should have done.
Before I agreed to let my dear friends of the male gender head to his home, i decided to go to his job, not his home ~ Didnt want to ruin his life, but he obviously thought he could be a man of no integrity towards a lady who may fear retaliating thru courts because of her job ~ after he obviosuly avoided my calls, the hell with that !!!!!!
It was that i needed the money, i did not want him to do this to another and i refused to let it go..I also refused to have his legs broken. I thought i was being nice again.. ~
i showed up at Home Depot and told him if he did not get me the cash RIGHT THIS MINUTE ~ I was calling the police and he would be charged with passing a bad check..(I already called his town police and they knew what i was doing and agreed to come if t here was a hassle)
Maria, i dont have anything but 4.00 ~
Look ~ You want me to wait for the 350? Fine, give me your drivers license and if you do not drive to me and show up in 3 days I will file in court ~
I cant give me your license, Maria ~ Then i cant drive.
I do not have time to deal with yortu crap, you did not call me and i am getting impatient.
I dial the police ~ he sweating..
Wait ! Ill ask my boss for an advance ~
DO IT NOW. i am getting bored.
Comes out with the cash, and then has the nerve to ask me if this means we cant see each other again??
Yeah, right..Wasted my time ~ but honestly, if he would have communicated to me that he needed time,OR TOLD ME SOMETHING I would have waited ~ no problem..But he avoided me ~ Srcew that!!!!!