I've put up a few posts talking about Marina. She was a provider whom I began dating in 2002. The details are in the posts, so I won't go into them here. Most of the people who've frequented this board for the past year or so know me, and are probably familiar with the story.
Marina and I lasted about a year. It was a wonderful relationship. Things eventually died off, although it had nothing to do with Marina's job. The relationship had just run its course, and ended the way most end.
I suspect I'm a little more understanding than a lot of guys might be regarding dating a provider. The advice to keep your work a secret, if you choose to pursue a relationship, is probably good.
I been a provider for a year now. But, I have found I like to have a relationship again. I don't have anyone in mind. But, wonder is it possable to be a provider and have someone special in your life.
thank you
In my oppinion yes anything is possible. However, as with all successful relationships )if not more so) honesty and communication are essential
Yes it is possible to have a relationship while working as a provider, but it is also very difficult and at times draining. If you decide to conceal your profession (which I would suggest) the lies can really get out of hand, I chose not to take on the two at one time because of the lies and the guilt of having relations and enjoying it ; )
my two cents is that I must disagree with some of the above replies..... yes I thinks it is possible to continue to be a provider and have a relationship at the same time.... though I think the field of men who would be okay with that is very, very narrow.... hard enough to find someone in this city to connect with, and I think that most men.... not all.... but most will not be open to that situation.... what I urged me to throw in my opinion is that advice to keep your providing a secret.... if you start your relationship with a lie, and then continue to lie.... what type of relationship do you really have
?.... communication is key.... lies are not.... if you are honest then you will find the right person.... if you hide the truth it cannot last.... at least that's my thought.... best to you
I THINK YOU ARE KIDDING YOURSELF AND ASKING FOR A LOT OF TROUBLE. I HAVE A CRUSH ON MY PROVIDER RIGHT NOW. IF SHE WOULD QUIT THE BUSINESS, I WOULD NOT BRING THE SUBJECT UP AGAIN; HOWEVER, IF I WERE IN LOVE WITH A LADY AND FOUND OUT THAT SHE WAS A PROVIDER WHILE WE WERE TOGETHER AND PRETENDING TO HAVE REAL EMOTIONS FOR ONE ANOTHER, I DON'T THINK I WOULD BE TOO HAPPY ABOUT IT. MANY MEN WOULD BE TOTALLY MIFFED.
is not as easy as putting cream in your morning coffee, but IMHO, you are likely to find someone you click with at strangest times and in the oddest places. The question then becomes whether you are willing to sacrifice your current principles for what could be the "right" thing" for you. If is true, then we are all desireous of someone to relax, debate, hold, nurture, even love... but what we don't often get to choose is who that is and what package they come in... if it is worth living, is it worth risking?
-- Modified on 1/4/2005 9:40:18 PM
I think it's very possible. I dated a provider once but, Found out it just wasn't for me.
I not a provider so I don't know the difficulties the lady would face but as a SO, even though it's kind of hypocritical for me to say this but, I would have a problem with my G/F being a provider. just my .02
My humble opinion! I think it could be possible, but it would have to be with a man who was very secure. If you tried to hide your past from him, there would always be the possibility that he would find out. The best case scenario is that he would be upset because you were not up front with him.The worst case scenario would be that he was totally freaked because you were a provider. Men have preconceived notions,and most of us are not secure enough to deal with realities as they really are. There are woman in the adult entertainment industry who make hard core videos and maintain an SO relationship. Some of them even insist that certain footage is only shot with their guy. If you feel that itch to have that special guy, go for it, but he ain't gonna be easy to find! Best of luck, and don't settle for less.
I've put up a few posts talking about Marina. She was a provider whom I began dating in 2002. The details are in the posts, so I won't go into them here. Most of the people who've frequented this board for the past year or so know me, and are probably familiar with the story.
Marina and I lasted about a year. It was a wonderful relationship. Things eventually died off, although it had nothing to do with Marina's job. The relationship had just run its course, and ended the way most end.
I suspect I'm a little more understanding than a lot of guys might be regarding dating a provider. The advice to keep your work a secret, if you choose to pursue a relationship, is probably good.
But I suggest being up front. Like many, I have dated a couple of providers (one and off) and I would say that for the most part we did okay. I understood the turf so I had little to say about the hours and activities So long that everything was "safe", I got past it somehow and it never became an issue. I traveled a lot and i think in time that was more of an issue.
Yes you could, but........... You need to stand back, take a deep breath, and keep things in perspective. It depends where you are at when cupids arrow strikes! If your at the local deli, and start chating up some guy that makes your heart beat fast, your approach will be way different, then if feelings for one of your customers develop into mutual attraction. The customer would/should know upfront about the rules, and his infulence in your livelyhood. Make sure he's really interested in being your SO, not just turned on and flattered that his provider is interested in him! In my opinion, most of us (guys) that participate on a regular basis in this "hobby" are a little outside of what is considered normal, or mainstream, by the rest of the world, so we would be perhaps a better candidate that the deli guy, for a relationship with a future. Of course, YMMV, semper ubi sub ubi, and all that stuff. The deli guy, would need to be told fairly fast. Perhaps in a round about way, to discover his feelings toward providers in general. If he responded positively, bring him in gently, and he's yours! Good luck!
I am not a provider, but as a man, I would say that it would not bother me that you were one or still are.
Nothing defines you, unless you say it does. So be what ever you want and it will be so. Its not what you have, its who you "be" that matters in life.
Be an amazing human being and you will have them lining up.
I don't believe in keeping such a huge thing a secret. After all, don't you want to be with someone who loves you for who you are and not just what they want you to be? Otherwise, what's the point?
my atf has a bf and she had had him for months. he has no clue. the reason i know is that i know both of them outside the hobby also. i told her that he is going to find out one day and be livid but she thinks hell never find out and she is just waiting for him to pop the question and then marry her
My SO is fully aware of my profession. We were together for 2 and a half years before I started this about a year ago. It's been a rocky road at times, but we are making it. I just can't lie. It eats me up inside.
Well I am finding myself in the same situation, I met someone though not a client he is apart of TER. He knows what I do and accepts it. Here in lies my dilemma,, If and when we decide to take our relationship further I want to be out of providing. The Problem is I don't want him to have to support me (I am way to independent for that) but my career wise it is not financially feasible for me, so I work as a provider to continue on the path I set for myself but cupid hit me while I was skipping away. He has never asked me to stop. But I will know when the time comes and I know without a doubt he is the one for me and I am the one for him, I am outtie.
WARNING:
The following post is written by a "Hopeless Romantic Idealist".
Love is always possible.
What one is, is not defined by what one does for a living.
One's job can not and should not dictate their capacity to love and be loved.
To the questions that arise from the nature of this business:
Sex is physical, it can be done with strangers, friends, cliets or someone you are in love with. Love, that is special, that is precious. It is the impetus for countless songs, poetry and works of Art. It is meat and marrow of life. It is the hope and promise of love that gives life greater meaning.
It is of course possible to find someone to have a relationship with, that will know work is just that, work (even though you may enjoy your job), but that you want to be with them, someday come home to them, that they are the object of your truest affections and desires. Someone that can know that making love is really in every act and action you do with them, because it is out of love, be it sex, or sitting together on a couch watching a movie or sharing quiet moments. Someone that knows what you do with them because of your feelings for them can not be devalued or undermined by what you do for a living.
That said, you should also, be honest about what you do.
You can not hide so much of your life and then hope to be loved for all you are. To be truly loved you must be truly known. It is the entirety of who one is that is loved, and those things one may not like about another are just as integral to making them the person you love as the things you do like.
I wish you the best, and I wish you love (philia, eros and agape)
funny, i would love to date one provider that i see. but how whould that ever happen?
no experience in dateing a provider on my side...i would be ok with it, many past gals that i have been with were dancers. one of which keep a secreat which i later found out...it did not bother me as we were really into each other [no pun]
My terrier, Buster, is the love of my life. Every nite he crawls into bed with me and after some rejoicing at my return and some serious tongue-kissing, we settle down and tell each other about the day's events. I don't know what I'd do without him.
I doubt if most guy's would be willing or want to date a woman he feel's special about and know she's having sex with just about any guy who show's up with the right amount of money. It's bad enough knowing that that sweet provider who make's you feel so good, is making quite a few guy's that you wouldn't particulary care for feel the same way. Sharing her beautiful body with everyone. There were a few post not too long ago about how reading review's for some of the provider's, ATF's in particular, made some of the guy's feel empty. They felt so special being with the provider then they read the review's and realized quite a few guy's were getting the same treatment or better. If a guy, or woman also for that matter, find's someone they feel special about I wouldn't think they would be wanting to share them with anyone else. There are people who are willing to share, but then again how much do they really truly care.
Yes, actually, it is possible. I have been in a relationship for 4 years, but became a provider a year ago. He was the one who suggested it. He is not a slum or begger, he is a well refined man with a job, and takes good care of our child. Sometimes he gets mad when I give it to others more than him 
, but who cares anyway?
We started to see other people recently, which is not working out to well, but I met someone very very nice, and it would break his heart if I told him my REAL profession. The only way I got around it, was just telling him I give nude massages.
Thats the only thing I can think of , unless of course you find someone that doesn't care as long as you dont fall in love with anyone else.
XO XO Jacklyn