I'm married in late 30's also. Sex preoccupies 80% of my thoughts. So giving up the hobby would be tough. But you have to be careful.
The first time I got a BBBJ, I was paranoid for weeks wondering if I caught something. Everytime I got an itch, I freaked. Luckily, I was lucky.
Now I only get massages from non-FS providers, as long as it includes a happy ending. As long as she is totally bare, and I can touch, then its just as good as FS or BBBJ. I'm not risking it.
I was wondering if there are any young hobbiests out there who are in their 30's and with young childen at home. I am 30 years old with a 6-month old baby and wife. I was wondering how people with young kids deal with the hobby. I am really scared of losing my family, and even more scared of transmitting bacteria/viruses to my family. Does anyone have any solid advice for a relatively new hobbiest? I think I need to hobby regularly, but I am somewhat struggling with the idea inside. My last session was so incredible that I never want to go without it... Is FBSM encouraged for my situation? Or should I continue choosing providers who are strict about CBJ and DFK?
You've got to be fooling aren't you? Didn't you check out Salivate's response to your last post? Ad a 6 month old baby to the fray and your really flirting with disaster. Why did you have the baby? You sure don't act like you give a damn about your wife or your kid. A guy come's up to me at work the other day and say's "Santa Claus came early this year". Why is that I ask? My girl friend just told me she's pregnant. Congradulation's I say. That's not a good thing he say's, my wife won't like it too much. My next thought was what a fucking idiot.
get out while you can, but then I would be a hypocrite.
There are many many risks in life and it is your choice which ones you choose.
The safer you are the less chance you have of having something wrong happen, but there are no guarentees. I suggest you talk with your spouce and see if there is something you two can work out so you are satisfied at home. That has been my recent choice and I have been pleasntly suprised by the results. But YMMV!!!
What ever you choose, choose it fully and then live with whatever you get. You are ultimatly responsible for your happiness, success and satisfaction in life.
but sadly, that may not be the case.
True professionals are way smarter than affairs, so in one sense you're on the right track: they take you get where you want to go in your head faster. You learn.
And you have one possible benefit to your relationship, in my expereince.... This may not work for everyone, but here goes:
The best pros can set off some major endorphins. I dig these brain chemicals. I like walking around dopey like a lovesick teenager. I believe that it's Nature's way of focusing us on a potential breeding partner, driving us to mate with her as often as possible for procreation sake. Nature uses us-- doesn't care if we stay with the bitch, just knock 'er up. If she's crafty in response, she can use her chemical-driven behavior to hook us guys, get us to stick around and drag home a mastadon every week or so...
The rush is a natural joie de vivre, affirmation of life. It's the biggest gift a hooker can give me. It's the take-away; I'm not just paying for an hour, it lasts a whole fuckin' week, then mellows into a nubbin of wisdom. Uh, I think it's wisdom...
And while I'm still swooning, and getting ready to start obsessing about my latest "love," in my head I change the object of my desire back into my wife of 26 years. Poor girl never knows what hits her...
I would never have an affair. Really stupid, IMHO, to mess with civilian women who pack a ton of secret baggage. But strippers, whores, Gawd bless 'em. I've used 'em all. And I'm more in love with my wife than I've ever been.
Just kick it around, then kick it to the curb if it won't work for you.
...You are 30 so sex is still occupying about 80% of your waking thoughts. I am near 50 and it is finally down to a manageable 50%. You have a 6 month old baby. So let me guess, between pregnancy and the new baby, nursing, lack of sleep and the hormonally driven single-mindedness of a new mother, you are not getting (much) sex at home. Am I right? Probably. And yes it is frustrating. Been there, done that. So stick to CBJ. Each time I strayed (BBBJ), I had to deal with the neurotic stress of 'what if?!". Still no guarantees but you are near the 99.99% safety mark. Choose high end well reviewed providers (ask yourself how much you would pay for your troubles to go away if they came in the form of STDs?). Remember, most good providers are as concerned with STDs as you are...and probably more informed. Read the boards to see which providers in your area talk about testing and safety (I miss Sedona!*before your time I guess) I am a bit unsure about your statement "scared of transmitting bacteria/viruses to my family". Other than STDs being transmitted to your wife, what fear do you have for children? There is none short of bringing home a bad common cold or flu...and this does not need provider contact, just a ride in a public bus or visit to your daycare.
Now this may sound odd to you, but I am sure the hobby (which I indulge about 3-5 times/year) has made my marriage stronger, sex life better and given me a better balance in dealing with my kids. Just don't let it get the better of you. Remember your wife will desire you again. Try to be nice to her during this first year of raising a child.
I'm married in late 30's also. Sex preoccupies 80% of my thoughts. So giving up the hobby would be tough. But you have to be careful.
The first time I got a BBBJ, I was paranoid for weeks wondering if I caught something. Everytime I got an itch, I freaked. Luckily, I was lucky.
Now I only get massages from non-FS providers, as long as it includes a happy ending. As long as she is totally bare, and I can touch, then its just as good as FS or BBBJ. I'm not risking it.
If you absolutely cannot remain faithful, then covered sex with a well-reviewed provider is certainly better than an office affair. But, there's nothing more rewarding than the love and support of a good woman. See what you can do about the situation at home. For example, you may be surprised at your wife's response to your offering to take some of the load off her from time to time.
and shows her that you care. Great for the relationship in general.
thanks for such informative advice. It is true that my wife and I have not been intimate at all for almost a year. Is it possible that my wife's low libido is only a small part of the problem? I find that I really enjoy sex with different women... This is like a real life fantasy for me, but at the same time, I feel bad that I am being unfaithful. My wife is a great wife and mother, and she tries to take care of me even though she is often exhausted. I find myself turning her down when she wants to be intimate. I think deep down inside, the problem is within me, and I have to deal with it.
As for fear of transfering germs to my family, I read somewhere that you can transfer oral stds via kissing. If I kiss my wife, and she kisses the baby, these germs can really cause harm. Isn't it true you can get herpes from kissing? God forbid!
...she wants to be intimate and YOU turn her down??! Then there are other issues at play here which I don't understand. Unless I am really feeling sick (and I mean the stomach flu and not a 104 degree fever!), I would never turn my wife down. Talk to her. Get one of the family to take the baby for a the day and then seduce her! Dress up nicely. Get her a gift. Cook dinner. Have a good bottle of wine. Hire a masseuse to come to the house and give you BOTH a massage. Then f&%k your socks off!
Now, back to the germs, while there is some low probability of germs being transmitted to the children, I just wouldn't worry about this. Otherwise, there would be major epidemics.
Good luck and be safe.
HOLD IT! You turn HER down? This is a whole different story. Here's this woman who loves you; who you describe as a good wife and mother; who takes care of you even when she's exhausted, and when this woman manages to muster enough energy to try to be intimate with you you say no?
Look, its one thing to have a sexless or stale marriage and feel the need to plow other fields once in a while. But to be involved with a young woman who loves you and wants you, and yet turn her down in favor of sex with a paid provider is just wrong.
You need to take a good look at your values and your priorities. There are bigger issues here than you've let on. I'd discontinue hobbying in favor of finding out if I really want to be married with a young kid. It may be now that Junior's on the scene, suddenly everything's taken on a much more serious tone, and you're panicking.
-- Modified on 1/4/2005 6:14:34 AM
-- Modified on 1/4/2005 6:16:59 AM
I agree with Xenopus and LoverofWomen. You want to wreck her disposition and spirit now?
As for transfering germs to your family: just rinse your mouth with a mouthwash right after a session. If you're really worried, use a waterpik (on low setting) on the soft tissues of your mouth. Otherwise, wear a rubber and shower, scrubbing your privates thoroughly afterward. Bacteria can adapt to antibiotics, but there's not a bacteria or virus that can adapt to simple cleaning techniques-- using clean water. Period.
Remember there are far worse diseases threatening your family that aren't STD's. Strep. Meningitis. Simple food poisoning from any restaurant. West Nile. Don't use STD fear as an excuse for not having sex with your wife!
/Zin
... to paraphrase THE CONFESSIONS, he prayed
Lord, make me holy, just not yet.
Go see a marriage doctor.
Harry
-- Modified on 1/4/2005 6:16:29 AM
I think your more addicted to the hobby than I am. Loosing your family isn't worth it please seek help. I'm not married no gf but, I still feel I need to get a handle on this urge to hobby constantly.
-- Modified on 1/4/2005 8:51:37 PM