Had an accident a couple of weeks ago, condom tore open. She called today and no period. I have contacted a family planning clinic, and they will provide testing and if needed, other services. I will be there for her, both physically and monetarily. My question is, how do I support her emotional needs? She is only 19 and is clearly worried. I try to keep her calm and let her know that she is not alone. When the accident happened, she told me not to tell anyone, and she obviously meant her handler. If an abortion is needed, I plan on covering her expenses for two weeks to recover. Physical pain aside, I am concerned about her emotional state. Any suggestions or insight? Thank you in advance.
With home pregnancy tests (the kind that can detect pregnancy even before a missed period) and Emergency Contraception (the "morning-after pill"), why is this drama occurring?
First Response Early Pregnancy Test:
http://firstresponse.com/FirstResponseEarlyResultPregnancytest/InquiringMinds/InquiringMinds.asp
Emergency Contraception NOT-2-LATE.com:
http://ec.princeton.edu/
-- Modified on 11/15/2004 5:18:05 PM
From what I understand, it's not infallible.
It's definitely not infallible, and the earlier it's taken, the more likely it is to be effective.
Then, my question is why doesn't she know whether she's pregnant or not? If she knew enough to take the morning-after pill, why hasn't she done a home pregnancy test?
I don't know, it just sounds odd to me. But, it sounds like she's looking for a guy like you right now and that you want to be there for her. So, to answer your question, to support her emotionally, just let her talk. Be an ear. We girls really like having someone who will just listen.
Your dilemma outlines why the hobby is not just about pleasure for pay. Your emotional involvement with this young provider is an illustration of how complicated things can get when one hobbies with his heart. I commend you for being a gentleman and helping her out, but I caution you in your concern for her emotional state. She could very well be pregnant by you---someone else---or not pregnant at all. Either way, you'll be paying through the nose even though it's not your responsibility to fix it. This isn't a deadbeat-dad situation---you were a customer who was provided a service where this could happen. Think with the big head on this one, my friend; not the little one.
Keep us posted.
Not sure what romeo is recommending but the risk of pregnancy - as well as every other possible result -- runs both ways. These are shared responsibilities. Certainly one is entitled to be certain that he is in fact the "donor" but likening this to a just another vendor-consumer relationship is off base, practically, morally and otherwise. My $0.02.
I wasn't really recommending anything---he'll have to search deep for an answer to the problem. I disagree however that it's his problem. Providers have an obligation to not let the one night of indiscretion lead to problems that will haunt their customers, whether this means protecting, say, a married client from disease or pregnancy. Otherwise, why do it? That's the beauty of the hobby and why we pay through the nose for the service.
Pregnancy is the least of your worries.
STDs are permanent.
Don't offend her and choose your words when speaking to her. Anything you say, can end up being the wrong thing.
Be there & be supportive.
Good luck to you.
a saint!!! Thank you for caring for her, I am sure your motives are pure however. (I hope so) I commend your helping her money wise, as it is a risk of the business.
Emotionally, what she needs (at that age especially) is to know she is doing the right thing for herself, BUT BE CAREFUL-do not bring that up until she does! (been there)
Let _her_ talk and just support her every comment just try to be understanding, even if you don't understand, which you won't lol and agree with everything she says, she is going to be an emotional basket case with too many emotions-changing by the minute and some completely out of context! Don't smother her but just "be there" for her.
But, I hope you aren't being 'played'!
She would clearly be behind the 8 ball worse with a child!
WHat an awful thing for both of you! I am pro choice obviously, especially in thess situations, I again commend you for your actions. Please just let her know she is not a bad person for this. ANd make SURE antibiotics are given so she doesn't get an infection afterwards. (Insist on them if you must!)
GOod luck!
-- Modified on 11/16/2004 2:59:18 AM
She might as well be his SO---these are things I'd say to my girlfriend if this happened.
I don't know what the right answer is, but I do know this is why girls shouldn't play woman games. Shit like this is why I consider giving up hobbying altogether. I have enough problems with the civvies I deal with...and it doesn't cost as much.
In the context of her chosen profession, a torn condom is simply an occupational hazard and no more your responsibility than if the waiter serving your coffee burned him/herself badly in the process.
Franky, the whole story stinks. 1) If she has a 'minder' as you suggest my guess is that she has a sexual relationship with him and therefore probably has unprotected sex with him on a regular basis anyway.
2) The MA pill taken properly is as infallible as the contraceptive pill if taken properly - ie around 99% effective. Did you see her actually take the thing? I guess not.
3) Why does this bimbo not know the status of her alleged 'pregnancy'? Is she incapable of peeing on a stick and reading the results?
The most rational conclusions in order of believability A) She is a whacko borderline personality seeking attention B) It's a scam for $$$$, C) She/you really are THAT stupid D) You are a borderline and you made this whole post up to get attention.
-- Modified on 11/15/2004 9:20:10 PM
... a sucker is born every minute and even a 19 y.o can find one who thinks for minute that he is the first or the last. Good luck otherwise, but methinks like you that this dude is being 'hoodwinked'.
Are you always this acerbic or is it just the Monday blues. I go with number 2 although number 3 wouldn't suprise me in the least.
Well, it was Tuesday down here when I posted this so I guess that means I'm just a bitch 
coming from you. Hopefully, we can all keep it real on this one.
A dose of unvarnished truth might do the trick, so to speak.
http://ec.princeton.edu/questions/eceffect.html
"ECPs when used perfectly are not as effective as other methods of ongoing contraception when used perfectly."
DUPED. Buddy, you're being taken for a fool. DEMAND she take a pregnancy test in your presence. Even if she IS pregnant, there is no guarantee it is yours.
Emma,
Thanks for being speaking your mind and not pulling punches. Any one of those senarios are quite possible, but my gut feeling sez no. If I'm wrong. I'm out some $$$. If I'm right, I'll feel better about myself. I have known her handler for a couple of years and I believe she is running the show with no one in the background. It's one of the Chinese groups operating on the eastside of LA. The girl is an immigrant, but her english is relatively good. No, I did not see her take the pill and it is very possible she just pocketed the $ I gave her for it. Yeah, I know I can blow it off, but I would feel like a heel. Point taken, it's my call, and I deserve whatever happens. Trust me, If she doesn't call again, I'll be relieved. But if she does, looking for help, I'll do my part.
Wether you're being played or not, it's says volumes about your character that your giving her the benefit of the doubt, and that does not, in my opinion, make you a pushover. Personally, I believe that most escorts are NOT goldigging whores.
She needs to find out right away, today! Home tests are extremely accurate, but you should be there to see for yourself. One impotant fact... if abortion is necessary, it takes more than two weeks to safely recover. More like 4 or maybe 6 weeks, I'm not entirely sure, since I've never been in this position (haven't had a condom accident in years and years, not since I started using silicone lube). But they'd tell you/her that at the clinic. Plus, are you certain she doesn't have moral issues about abortion? If so, she's never going to get over that. Good luck, Player... I hope it works out ok for both of you.
Annie
"a torn condom is simply an occupational hazard and no more your responsibility than if the waiter serving your coffee burned him/herself badly in the process"
I understand where you're coming from, but can you see him saying that in court if they ordered a paternity test and dragged his entire private life out into the open? He'd could be ruined wether he's the father or not. I doubt they'd even consider the circumstances of conception, if indeed there is a conception...
I also agree that she should have done the test the moment she knew she was late, they are that accurate now. Yes, that does seem a bit questionable. She is, however, quite young. Or maybe I'm just gullible.
what brand was the condom? Hope it's not the same ones I use!
Annie
I applaud anyone who trys to take care of another.
But I am most curious to know how many of the providers here would feel a moral, if not professional, obligation to take care of a hobbiest's medical costs if he were to receive an STD from them.
Would any of you take the time to reassure or comfort the hobbiest? Emotional support in this biz???? Be real, ladies.
My guess is that the overwhelming majority of y'all will say that it is simply the risks of the situation, and that y'all didn't intentionally do this (if you were ignorant of carrying the STD) and thereby have no obligations to the afflicted client.
If you take this position, then the answer to Player to be Named Later's query must be the same: "Tough break kid, you chose a risky profession. Deal."
Me? I'm a sucker. I would do what I could to help. But I would do so knowing I didn't have to.
I test for STD's every 4-6 weeks, a complete screening of mouth and vagina... anal if necessary, which usually it isn't. That means about every 4-8 contacts, I'm getting a check. I mever dated more than 8 guys in a month. (Too busy with work and studies and life.)
I haven't EVER had a condom tear while serial dating, but I've had a guy move the condom over (it can happen with a female condom) and be a total asshole by cumming at that time.
I knew for certain I had nothing to pass on to him, however I didn't do any serial dating for 4 weeks afterwards in order to make certain that I wasn't exposed to anything by him.
I didn't ask the jerk for a thing, I was just happy I turned out clean.
Why in the WORLD would any of us that test on a frequent basis need to give support to a guy that happened to be with us that got an STD?
There's often an SO that they're barebacking, and usually we aren't the only "DATE" that a man has exposed himself to.
While I applaud the guy for caring, he MUST, because if she is preggers, he's going to possibly have a child support payment should things not go as he hopes.
I have a DIFFICULT time believing that the guy didn't know the condom broke BEFORE he let loose. Yeah, a little precum could spill if you stop in time, however when a condom broke on me when I was a youth with a boyfriend, I felt it IMMEDIATELY... and the intercourse was halted!
BTW, most of us that "serial date" have secondary birth control in place, just in case.
I heard a good line once... "Men, protect your sperm!"
So, good luck, but a lady that has scruples wouldn't have put you in this position.
xo
Elise
One of the things I value most about this community is the diversity of opinion, generally well-thought out. In this case, however, I am seeing alot of myopia. One of the unescapable facts is that the client-provider relationship is not akin to that of, say, waitress-diner. The risk here isn't a spilled cup of coffee. It's a life (several in fact). A child borne out of such a "wardrobe malfunction" is simply told "Tough break, kid"? Call me a sucker if you will, but it seems that if there is a responsibility that attaches if a child is born, there is also a responsibility in the case of an abortion. BTW, the vasectomy line forms to the right.
Ooooh. Sounds so sexy when you say it, Emma.