...and I'll tell you why: in this job I have come to know that sex isnt everything, its all about connection. I have known some married couples that partake in priest-like celibacy, but love each other so dearly and would never desire to be with another because they are each others' match emotionally and spiritually. Sex is sex, and I know that now; sex without love (while still very very fun) is still just sex, and will mean nothing if you are an emotionally stable and rational adult-- and I thank my place in life for teaching me that. I could see past the physical and I think any woman in this profession should be able to do just the same, because we all should have learned just the same lesson....

I will also tell you that I have had that sort of relationship before and though at first it bothered me (not because of the random sex but I thought maybe he would fall for the other girls; younger guys tend to think more that thier heart lies in thier genitals!), I eventually got over it when I realized that I was the one taking care of the "wife business" like cooking, cleaning and so on, and thats what he appreciated, and that was truly attractive to him-- that is what kept him coming home to me....eventually!

I'd rather have my lovers heart and mind at home any day, rather than his penis-- hell I can find that anywhere! But a true match is something different and should be cherished a different way!

Just a thought-- maybe Im crazy...

Heh..."maybe"....

Dani

As I ticked off the points on relationship #1, I thought to myself "Why that seems like a rather interesting relationship - shouldn't be a problem for a mature individual."

As I ticked off the points on relationship #2, I came to the same conclusion.

The point being, either relationship can be benign or dangerous, depending on the individuals involved. In the case of my S/O, as I view her emotional makeup, I would choose #2.

I've been through both.
#1 was emotional hell, particularly for me.  Hoever, I'm sure my spouse sensed the depth of my love, although nothing physical ever happened, or even close.  But the sheer distraction of thinking about this woman, and yearning to be with her as much as possible added considerable strain.

#2 provides a release, and an opportunity I never took while I could.  In many ways, it has improved our relationship since I don't have to continually work on her for my needs, so things are a little more relaxed.

This is a no-win scenario.  If it's number 1, my SO really doesn't love me anymore, or so I would have to believe.  And eventually, she and this other guy (let's call him Denzel) are going to get in the sack--who are we kidding.  If 2, she may love me but I no longer fulfill some of her most basic human needs (apparently).  So we may not belong together for that reason.  I think you end up in the same place either way and my preference is that whatever situation it is my SO would just come clean and let's get on with our lives together or apart.  Sort of like the conversation I'm planning to have.  Pray for me.

#1 is more dangerous, #2 should be handled by any rational adult,IMHO.

However, if EITHER one is happening in your life it points to the fact that there is something that your SO is NOT getting from you, and you need to address this issue as soon as you become aware of it, before things spin out of control.

In my case S. (my dearly beloved SO and co-hobbyist) was going through some major career and business issues and had just lost interest in all but perfunctory sex. Because the other aspects of our relationship were so mutually valuable, and because I felt that to abandon her when she needed me most would be beneath cowardice,I decided to help myself by taking up The Hobby, fully intending it to be a temporary thing once the crisis had passed.

However, the changes in my personality from hobbying became so readily apparent (all positive) that once matters had stabilized with S. she asked me what was going on. Sitting her down and taking her hand, I broke the news about The Hobby to her as gently as I could.

To say she was stunned was putting it mildly. It took her some time (a few months) to adjust, during which time I took a hiatus from hobbying. But after seeing that I stayed with her when I could have "cut and run" (we are not married), she came to accept things and then STUNNED me by asking how she could PARTICIPATE.....

The Rest Is History...

MR

Emotions are way more powerful than any physical feeling that requires direct contact to even experience. Emotions and feelings can run through our minds over and over YEARS after the experience. Think back to your 'first time'. You remember it was good, you remember what you were thinking and feeling emotionally at the time, but can you truly recall exactly what it physically felt like? I want to be the one who hears all my SO's hopes, dreams, wants, needs, and desires. For me it's easier to categorize sex than it is an emotional bond with someone. I firmly believe that having a monogmous relationship will not provide everything that you need. That there is no "Mr Right" or "Ms Right". That is part of the reason I do this. What I lack in my everyday reltionship I get from the people I see. There is no jealousy, only open communication, and we get everything we need. So option number 2 is the 'right' one for me.