You cant stop at just one......

Like my dear old dad used to say.....

"You never miss a slice off a cut loaf."

Stick to the discreet and safe path...and she'll be no wiser.
Unless of course, you bring a new totally differant sex trick in to the bedroom.

Go to a masseuse- less guilt- more fondling.

I have to say I have found the few FS providers I have seen do not compare to love sex.

There is a NetM exception- but that was more like a Erotic atomic bomb going off in my head.  and still not as satisfying as time spent with my SO.  Totally great but different.

I have been married for 40 years, and my wife has no idea that I engage in this hobby.   I have been doing this for 20 years, although it has picked up in recent years.

Definitely keep it from the wife; there is nothing wrong with a secret life.    But be careful; a disease could ruin your life, as well as your health.

Is it worth your marriage if she finds out?  No one can help you with this.

It may have helped my marriage during periods when my wife was not interested in sex and I was going nuts. Also, having the hobby is much better than having an affair, expecially the way I hobby.

Unlike what would probably be the case in an affair with a civie, I never hobby in my home state. I never do it within 100 miles of my home. I never do it when I am coming home at night, only when I am staying in a hotel. I never use my home computer to browse TER or escort sites, I never use my home phone, or my family cell phone.

I never use money that has been in the family checking account. I cash bonus checks and the like that my wife doesn't know about.

These measures will protect my wife from information that would be hurtful, and thus my marriage.

Finally, stay away from high-volume providers, they present a much bigger risk of disease. Pay attention to gut feeling about an escort: is she screening carefully? Does she seem to be somewhat selective? For me, these are important indicators.

Beware of incall places or clubs, they are much easier targets for LE than independent escorts doing outcall or in-call in nice hotels. If you use an incall agency, make sure it is one that has clearly "made the cut" by surviving for years.

These are just some ideas about how to be careful, and by no means represent anything but my humble opinion. Be careful. Good luck.

-- Modified on 11/5/2004 9:45:39 AM

...It has helped my marraige life.  I no longer resent her for the infrequency of sex.

Of course I keep it a secret.  My life would be ruined if she ever found out.  I am extremely careful.  Nothing is certain, but as long as I am careful, which I always am, she will never know.

Yes, now when the SO and I do have sex, it is much better.  I have learned a lot and gained a lot more confidence from this hobby.

Keep it secret.

Whether it affects the marriage depends on the nature and quality of the connection with the provider.  If it's "just sex," then you're using the provider essentially as an aid to masturbation and it should be of no greater consequence than jerking off in the shower or in your hotel room on a business trip.  On the other hand, if you make an emotional connection with the provider, you may find it disconcerting and distracting, particularly if you fantasize the provider while having sex with your wife.

And they tell me ALL about their lives and wives and sex lives... Yes, they all seem happier and happier each time I see them.  Better attitudes toward their marriages, their jobs, their spirits are higher and they're like new men.  Seems better than prozac.  All are wisely very discreet.

Married 34 years. No sex outside of marraige for 33. Went to Brazil. Had my first prostitute and best sex ever with my SO afterwards.

Found TER a year later and been hobbying last 8 months.

I'm probably not as safe as I should be. Would love to introduce SO to the swapping by can't find the right approach. A couple of these guys provided good advice. Had 2 HIV test in 8 months. Need to get STD battery.

Aside from being a great friend, SO still provides some of the best sex I've ever enjoyed. As others have said, it's the frequency that's so damn frustrating. Have to be careful what I say to her, unlike what I can say to some of the escorts I've been with. That freedom to converse is the best part of the hobby for me.

Everything in moderation. I have been active on and off in this area for several years and as long as you are discreet and pay close attention to whom you choose to visit in my opinion it can be a plus for the married man. I too don't partake within a certain amount of miles from my residence or visit anyone if I'm on my way home. Planning intelligently and setting your schedule to include the extra time required saves being asked questions at a later time, in other works don't start staying late at work if it's out of the ordinary. Never bring a new move into your bedroom and stay consistent in your style and frequency of your sexual activities, leave your hobby at the door off the provider when you exit - always remember that it is a hobby so therefore it is a luxury only to be participated in when you can afford both the time and the expense. It can be habit forming but is the greatest hobby in the world.
Be At Peace

Great stuff. Just about what I figured. As long as emotions are kept in check and discretion prevails even in this judgemental, sex negative society, we can still relax and enjoy a good time with an attractive, sensual non- SO every now and then.

I think it has had almost no effect--my SO seems to prefer thinking that I'm only getting sex once every quarter or six months and I have the feeling she is comfortable not knowing if anything else is going on.  The power of denial.  As long as I don't bring anything home, she seems willing to suspend disbelief.  Still, one of the reasons I am in week six of my sabbatical is to have an honest conversation about this problem.  If you see a mushroom cloud over a house in the Valley this week-end, you'll know the conversation did not go well.

That said, nothing anyone says here could be a substitute for your own judgment.  Your situation, your psyche, your SO's psyche are all unknowns to the well-meaning hobbyists on this board.  I suggest you read some of the posts going back a couple of months from hobbyists who have given this matter a lot of thought--it might provoke some additional thinking.  But when all that is done, you still will need to assess this possibility based on your knowledge, your insights and your judgment.

One thing that might help, if this option is available to you, is to pursue the hobby in a way that doesn't require you lying to your SO.

For me that means only seeing providers when I am away on business, or when my SO is.  That way I never have to explain where I was, if I was late, or worry about a stray hair betraying me. (Plenty of time to clean up.)

I concur with the others, it has helped my marriage by permitting some variety that would otherwise deny me.  For me it's only once or twice a year, but it's something to look forward too and is like a brief getaway to Fantasy Island.

My 2 cents...