TER General Board

How to Shower (OT LOL)
femaleartist See my TER Reviews 5665 reads
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How to Shower Like a Woman

1. Take off clothing and place it in sectioned laundry hamper according to  lights and darks.
2. Walk to bathroom wearing long dressing gown. If you see husband along the  way, cover up any exposed areas.
3. Look at your womanly physique in the mirror - make mental note to do more  sit-ups.
4. Get in the shower. Use face cloth, arm cloth, leg cloth, long loofah,  wide loofah, and pumice stone.
5. Wash your hair once with cucumber and sage shampoo with 43 added vitamins.
6. Wash your hair again to make sure it's clean.
7. Condition your hair with grapefruit mint conditioner enhanced with natural avocado oil. Leave on hair for 15 minutes.
8. Wash your face with crushed apricot facial scrub for 10 minutes until  red.
9. Wash entire rest of body with ginger nut and jaffa cake body wash.
10. Rinse conditioner off hair.
11. Shave armpits and legs.
12. Turn off shower.
13. Squeegee off all wet surfaces in shower. Spray mold spots with Tilex.
14. Get out of shower. Dry with towel the size of a small country. Wrap hair  in super absorbent towel.
15. Check entire body for zits, tweeze hairs.
16. Return to bedroom wearing long dressing gown and towel on head
17. If you see husband along the way, cover up any exposed areas.


How To Shower Like a Man


1. Take off clothes while sitting on the edge of the bed and leave them in a pile on the floor.
2. Walk naked to the bathroom. If you see wife along the way, shake wiener at her making the 'woo-woo' sound.
3. Look in the mirror, look at your wiener and scratch your ass.
4. Get in the shower.
5. Wash your face.
6. Wash your armpits.
7. Blow your nose in your hands and let the water rinse them off.
8. Make fart noises (real or artificial) and laugh at how loud they sound in the shower.
9. Spend majority of time washing privates and surrounding area.
10. Wash your butt, leaving those coarse butt hairs stuck on the soap.
11. Shampoo your hair.
12. Make a Shampoo Mohawk.
13. Pee.
14. Rinse off and get out of shower.
15. Partially dry off. Fail to notice water on floor because curtain was hanging out of tub the whole time.
16. Admire wiener size in mirror again.
17. Leave shower curtain open, wet mat on floor, light and fan on.
18. Return to bedroom with towel around your waist. If you pass wife, pull off towel, shake wiener at her and make the 'woo-woo' sound again.
19. Throw wet towel on bed.

If there is anyone out there who did not laugh at the truth behind this, then you are not very honest, or there's just something very wrong with you.

I went into the shower the morning after with about ten minutes to get ready for work.  The shower doors were both knocked off track.  Bar soap was left hairy.  The shampoo and the liquid soap were upended in the shower drain.  The shower head was left dangling, and was on heavy pulse.  And when I went to readjust it, it fell apart and squirted me in the face.  

And the drain was clogged, due to the disgusting hair goober left in there.  

/Zin

-- Modified on 10/21/2004 2:30:42 AM

Comedy should be self evident. A line like that leeches enjoyment out of the whole thing. I actually thought it was a mildly funny piece, however, its ridiculous to say that there is something wrong with someone who didn't find it as funny as you did.

just dreamin4017 reads

Wish I had enough hair left to make the shampoo mohawk!!!!!!!!!
Unfortunately, the rest is completely true with the exception of the woo woo sound!!!

swmNla3585 reads

I'd CERTAINLY never let her use 90% of our time together doing the same HER way -- especially after she heard me make all those woo-woo and farting noises and would be clearly in NO hurry to rejoin me on the prematurely soggy edge of the bed!

women are insecure, prudish, obsessive/compulsive, and super consumers, and men are boorish, unclean, egomaniacal children.  Sigh.  Sounds like network television.

Guess there must be something wrong with me...or maybe I just eschew stereotypes.

Either way, if these are the men you have met, sounds like you need to meet some new ones. :P

Harry B Ack3532 reads


…I have to take care of #13 between #4 and #5. Something about hearing the water running I guess!

At the ripe old of age 43, I now use the soap on my head, and the shampoo on the rest of my body!

Thanks for the laugh Ms. Femaleartist….the rest of you need to lighten up!

Susan B. Anthony...Mohandas Gandhi...Martin Luther King...Jesus of Nazareth...

this is soooo true and very funny

"woo-woo" or more like a train whistle "woo-woo"?  I want to get it right.

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