...I was on an overnight call last night, and the guy was nice, he wined and dined me-- we did a little shopping and hung out, had a nice time, up until our late dinner. We sat talking about everything you could possibly imagine; history, music, anatomy, business, even the taboos of social conversation like politics and religion. And at the end of our night, he says to me: "you know, you are one of the most surprising, intelligent and interesting girls I have ever met....(blah blah).... I dont run across many of your kind that know so much about life"... now at first it didnt strike me as odd-- but he continued talking and I began to analyze it-- what did he mean by my "kind"?-- he certainly didnt mean age, and if he meant provider he could have easily said so-- was he referring to my ethnicity?
I then began to think more about our time when I got home just now and I recalled he made odd remarks throughout the night like-- "you have an little bit of an accent... I wish you had more Im attracted to you girls like that" and "you are smart to be who you are"... I think he was (possibly unknowingly) being racist, or prejudice... opinions on that?
is anyone willing to admit (under an alias) that they have done the same?on accident or on purpose made unjust and unreasonable remarks or comments or assumptions about a lady you have seen?
I have never (that I can think of) had this happen to me...
Dani
You might just be being a little too sensitive, he probably was just a little nervous, trying to be nice and make conversation, but perhaps a little awkward at it. Not having been there it's hard to make a judgement call. But I'm feeling nice today, so willing to give him the benefit of the doubt.
Of course it's easy for me be so casual about it, having never been the target of any discrimination, except against old white guys. It's very hard for us old white guys to pick up chicks in bars.
Cut him some slack and move on, lifes to short to worry about real or imagined slights.
Dani,
There is what you know, there is what you don't know and there is what you don't know, you don't know.
I would like to think he was in the realm of not knowing that he was being anything.
Should you get offended? No Way!!!! Remember words only have meaning because they are in the dictonary and becasue you make them mean something!
Have I made mistakes with my words with women? LoL More than I would ever like to admit, but then again I do not know, what I do not know.
So if I have seen you and mispoken before pm me and let me know. I would love to apologize.
-- Modified on 9/29/2004 2:28:56 PM
Take this whatever that means to you, Dani. He opened up his you know what plus his "sweet talking" skills as detected by you.We men enjoy talking to women we attract to. Let me stick my neck out here. Did you find your date half full (not BS) with this gent?
First of all if he was a racist why would he call a ethnicity provider. Everybody knows black people are the biggest racist in the U.S. The word negro is consider a racist term I don't know why all it means is black in spanish.
like it is you the POT (belly) calling the kettle black. It's about perception people, you or I don't get to control that. She can "feel" however she likes. Race was not the only insult in his statement, but as a Latina who LOOKS black to you, you add injury to insult. Go suck as glass dick.
whenever you see a statement that begins with that phrase, you can pretty much expect some seriously unprovable/ignorant/bigoted/mean-spirited/small-minded sh*t shortly thereafter.
Dani;
Alot of people are rascist, or at least insensitive. There are oblivious to it, and most would deny it and accuse you of being too sensitive. Often, minorities(of which I'm one) are. We can be rascist too. There's a fuzzy line. I would evaluate him more on his behavior, since this is a professional relationship. If you see each other in the future, you'll know.
I got into a disagreement with a poster on another board when I questioned his use of a perjorative term to describe a certain race. He became irate and insisted I was wrong because he "dated" providers of that race and other minrities. 
LOL.
I say give him a break. Take care!
perhpas he was being more condensending than racist. Either way...it was an insult. Maybe even one that was not intended but made due to being nervous or just plain scared.
Either way...I am sorry that you took offense. Providers need the same respect due any woman. As for me....and the luck I've had with woman....I have more respect for providers then most, and I'm greatful for what you do to bring a small amount of light to a very unhappy and dark life.
Best wishes
ozzy
He probably likes your 'swerve'; perhaps how you drove his nuts into his head..LOL and yes, many guys are surprised when providers can peace a few sentences together; be conversant on multiple topics etc... Yes, what he said borders on age old stereotypes of women in the hobby. Added to the fact that he probably didn't grow up around "exotic" women in or outside the hobby. What you heard my dear Dani is largely is ignorance. Any honest gentleman will tell you that he enjoys the hobby for the sexual freedom that many of the great providers give. It's the most honest exchange of good and services on the planet. Our S.O.s wives, and long-term GFs lose the art of what you give everyday. It's pretty simple in fact. I can tell you about two women that I dated after having met them in the hobby and yes, it was because they were intelligent and sexy, and almost everything some of the losers I have dated are not. But in the end, it was about an exchange... no more, less. I am still good good friend with one of them. I think the reasons are many, but even though I still "pay" and we still hang out from time to time is that she doesn't treat me (unlike #2) as her personal ATM. So chalk it up to is lack of knowledge about people in general. There is a provider on this board who has not been stereotyped, objectified, or treated poorly at one time or another. Call it 'hazardous duty pay.'
I wouldnt make to much of it. Sometimes we put our foot deep into our mouths. I personally do not like use the word provider when I'm with someone. I like to refer to her as my hot date.
to return home from a long encounter with extended conversation just to sit down and analyze every word or phrase spoken. Why do you ladies do that?????
Maybe by "your kind" he meant provider, or ethnicity, or gender. Perhaps by "your kind" he was referrig to your open mind, your uninhibited nature, or outgoing personality? It takes those qualities to be a provider, or a porn star, or an exotic dancer or any other type of adult entertainer. Maybe he's spent countless overnight encounters with other providers or entertainers who weren't very intelligent, educated, or possess any common sense and thus he was overjoyed to finally have someone he could socialize and relate with beyond the typical physical encounter?
You said you had a nice time, he was a nice guy, you were wined and dined, you both did some shopping.... why can't you leave it at that? Why do you have to try and find something wrong with the overall encounter AFTER it was all said done?
Trust me, if the man was prejudice against your ethnicity... he would never have made an overnight appointment with you in the first place. If he were truly prejudice, he would see you only as an object to lay and mark a notch on his belt for "banging an (insert your ethnicity) chick!". The appointment would have only been for an hour or two and you never would have discussed the topics you did.
Thinking a black person is more likely to steal... prejudice. Thinking Hispanics are typically lazy... prejudice. Thinking your accent is cute... NOT prejudice.
Perhaps the assumptions are being made by you?
Thomas Jenkins
- not trying to offend, just playing a little devil's advocate.
Troubling thread. The facual inaccuracies and historial misconceptions in some of the posts are as troubling as this guy's insensitivity. Whatever his motivation, he made a stupid and condescending statement. To paraphrase one of the posts, "Leave it to a man to have a wonderful and erotic encounter and screw it all up by opening his mouth to speak." As for the posters, (1) I leave it to Danielle to explain the meaning and origin of the word "negro" (an intriguing bit of scholarship that this sexy erstwhile historian was kind enough to share with me)and (2) let me suggest that the link between sexual predilections and moral/ethical character is dubious at best (See, for ex., Sally Hemmings and Thomas Jefferson). A devout rascist could be just as willing (and happy) to bed a member of an "inferior" race as a bigamist is to profess his unconditional devotion to woman after woman. Moreover, the suggestion that the true measure of this guy's feelings is evidenced by the amount of time (one hour versus overnight) that he deigned to spend with Danielle is somewhat odious in itself.
it sounds like by "girls like you" he meant escorts, i wouldn't read any racisms into it.
Perhaps you are French? I am just guessing because of your name, Danielle Dubois. I thought that was all over with but some people are still mad at the French for not taking a stand with US on the war in Iraq. It is sad.
Perhaps your accent is from the Islands? I used to date a Jamaican girl and I just loved the way her words would form into music every time she spoke.
Racist? I seriously doubt it. Awkward with words is IMO, more like it.
Now from the other side...
It seems as though the gentleman had some preconceived notions of some type when he uses the phrase 'your kind' and 'to be who you are'. Your kind is human, to be who you are is to be human. Anything less is a grouping into a suborder in which ALL persons will have some prejudical thoughts of some type against one suborder.
Now, with all the 'he didn't mean anything by it', this may or may not be true. Being prejudiced does not guarantee that you would not choose a person from that subgroup to interact with.
Also, we know that NOONE EVER exhibits any racism on any message board that I've been on. LOL!!! I've never heard of anyone say..."Yes. I have said or done something racist." There is usually strong offense to switch the tables and point out where the (possibly) offended party is really the one who is racist and wrong. Just prance on over to the Atlanta board and read about the "hood" fellow who changed a gentlemans view of a provider. Boy is he now backtracking fast! Racism and sexism is out there and alive and thriving in this and all industries. You just have to filter through and decide what constitutes just off handed comments or thinly veiled -isms.
he meant as in provider, lots of guys are surprised we can speak and form sentences-get the chip off your shoulder-if you look hard enough for racism you'll find it
He said exactly what many guys have said to me
and if he was prejudiced he would not have sought you out
If you let little things like that get to you then you'll end up driving yourself crazy. If what he said bothered you then just don't talk to him anymore. There are plenty of other gents that won't make you feel uncomfortable!
That's my advice anyways!
Love,
Chloe Adams
But, of course, I wasn't there.
I am certain he meant, "...for a provider." This would be especially true if he is a newbie. He probably couldn't get over his surprise that a provider, at least the A-Class internet sort, often surpass the dating experience with civvy women.
Perhaps that's not any less offensive to you, however. If this was indeed his meaning, try to see it in the spirit in which he meant it.
It reminds me: I did read an article link from TER sometime ago, where a woman who had worked in the profession for 27 years (most of it before the internet) bemoaned the fact that by the end, she couldn't hear clients give her a compliment without mentally adding the qualification: "...for a prostitute." He'd say: "Your very intelligent," and she'd hear: "for a prostitute," thinking that no matter how good he said she was, he meant she was the best of the bottom rung, and could never rise to regular standards.