Part one was when I was attempting to hook up with a lady who was located far away from where I live and my efforts to ensure I would not be the victim of some kind of rip off...your advice was appreciated and used
Part two was after seeing this lady for many overnights at a very good rate and all was well she changed the day we were to meet because she happened to be close by the town we would see each other at(I tried to change my schedule but in the end I couldn't see her on that day...I still was willing to see her the next day when we were SUPPOSED to meet as planned)...she considered this a cancellation on my part and wanted the full fee for her trouble...the consensus then by you guys was pay her a few bucks to stay on her good side "You don't know how good you have it"...in the end I declined as I felt it wasn't the money but the idea I would be giving her the impression I was a stooge and easy pickings...we exchanged several acrimonious emails to each other(to my credit though my last email to her was wishing her a long and happy life in whatever she wished to do and saying good bye)
That was it for the last couple of months
A couple of days ago she sent me an email asking me if I'd like to see her again...WTF!!!??!
Since then she's sent me several more saying the things she said in our earlier emails were actually her driver/pimp's words and not what SHE thought at all
Yeah right...but I can still remember what our times were like when we saw each other and I have to say they were at least as good as anything I've ever had with someone in the business OR out of it
So my question...what the hell is going on? Why after all this time is she contacting me? I am not exaggerating when I say the things we said to one another at the time of the ending of our relationship were um...less than cordial...we BOTH ended up saying some pretty nasty things...that's why I kind of called a truce and made sure my last email had nothing but nice things in it(along with good bye)...after all no matter how it ended...while this relationship was going on it wasn't just an hour here and there...it was four overnights(some of which ended up being almost 24 hours each) plus we had talked on the phone about 30 hours(she called ME) during that time too...until she went nuts on me I genuinely liked the gal
For those too lazy to look up the earlier threads about this...she has to drive about 6-8 hours EACH WAY so I doubt this is just a case of the rent is coming due and she's trolling for some bucks...there's got to be guys MUCH closer to her she can take care of to get some quick money
That's the situation...I have to admit I'm confused...I never in a million years ever expected to hear from her again and certainly not to set up another appointment
Anyone have any theories as to what's going on? And should I meet her again?
-- Modified on 8/15/2004 3:34:29 AM
I can understand the complex feelings that are confounding the relationship. Both you and she are bombarded with incredible personal relationship issues in a relationship that is personal and business oriented at the same time.
I'm sure it is difficulet to separate the personal with the vocational. I think that it would be important for each of you to ask the question "would this relationship exist without the economic benifits and payout?" If this is a business relationship that has moved to the realm of personal then the financial aspect must change. If it remains vocational then the personal aspect is out of place.
Even though relationships in the hobby get friendly and sometimes closer, they become sulllied when the hobbiest and the provider mistake the business for a love affair.
Don't be a jerk. EOM. Bob
drama here. One of the good things about this hobby is that there are plenty of great ladies out there to hook up with. This is a highly competative business and you can do just as well or better elsewhere.
It certainlty is a highly competative business. I've been looking at www.escorts.com and in my area, upstate, NY, there are several good looking ladies at $80 & $115 that have good reviews and are small town independents. So there's a whole lot of choice out there.
sad but true...you said your good by and be well...and you should have that as your final word.
Whatever her reason for contact....it has to be suspect, and not worth your security. You ended the situation for a reason...that reason is still a valid one....
I know its hard to say good by to a firend...but that is the way of things.....think with your brain not your 'head'.
Sure is enough other more then attractive woman to choose from (civi or provider) do so and be done with this problem.
Best of luck...
Oz
It's always flattering when a woman who can have any man she chooses, seems to have chosen you. The words you write in your post clearly indicate your level of suspiscion. Friend, that feeling in your gut is there for a reason. Even if you can't figure out exactly what's going on; even though your heart would like to believe otherwise; you know she has an agenda.
I went through a less than cordial separation from my fave provider(at the time) months ago, and the situation deteriorated in similar fashion. You just have to remember that if she had special feelings(such as respect) for you, she would not have trashed you in emails. I am assuming she started the mud-slinging emails, but if it was you that started the war of words, then the story has an entirely different breakdown. I would not see the provider who gave me grief again if it was for free...no chance! There are many bad providers just as there are many good providers. That gut feeling...that instinct...is there for a reason, just as "loverofwomen" suggested. Dont go against it
slice it, the fact is that she only views you as an ATM, and little more. The problem began when she made a totally unreasonable demand, and then got pissed when you didn't comply, which was absolutely the right decision on your part. Now she suddenly wants to play nice-nice, and claims the devil made her do it? I don't have a clue what's in her head (besides air, that is), but whatever is going on, I can guarantee you that she is NOT sincere. Tell her it would be best for both of you to move on, and again wish her well and say "Have a nice life," which translates to "FUCK OFF!"
You could try and find out her motives but seriously is there any motive that would be in your best interest? If so many months have past, you can be fairly certain that this contact is to serve only a need she has, be it money, emotional support, etc., and she knows from experience you will do it for her. Whatever the road was before, are you willing to travel down it again? Think other responses echo my thoughts. Let it go and believe the next woman you meet will help you forget. I know...been through similar situation.
I cannot state strongly enough just how dumbfounded I was to hear from her this week and I cannot tell you just how curious I am as to her motivation for seeking out another meeting
I'm under no illusion that I'm so great she couldn't stay away...I suspect she liked a steady certain amount of money each month with someone she already knew was not a crazy or LE and after it was gone she had regrets
If that's what it is I would have no problem picking up where we left off just before the unpleasantness happened...people have fights all the time...get over them and go on...it happens everyday
IF that's what it is...I was kind of hoping to hear from you guys what else it could be because as I said I am extremely curious about this situation
In any event I wouldn't be able to see for her for about a month anyway so if she keeps in touch(assuming her motivation isn't a sudden need for funds that in a month may pass)...I'll proceed cautiously
Whether I see her again or not I have to try to find out the WHY of all this because not knowing will driving me nuts
The last provider I date wants me dead. During our time together we made about 50 films and I made copies sold them at the flea market. Plus I nailed her sister and her mother.
You may never know why. In my situation, I could never learn the truth and maybe it's just as well. I drove myself crazy and asked the advice of just about everyone in the hobby until I met some wonderful providers who helped me to "give it up". Months ago when you first posted your problem you didn't show lots of trust in her so how can you trust any answer she gives you now. I know this sounds harsh but just ask yourself: Will you know the truth when you see hear it?
Why not do the simple thing and just ask her?
Twice the trouble and none of the benefit. Arduous relationship gymnastics takes the all enjoyment out of the hobby and you still have to pay for the privilege. In my estimation, if a provider requires too much input and adjustment on the part of the hobbyist, its time to cut loose and either walk or run away. Thankfully, I've had only one provider get kind of wacky or borderline psycho on me and rather than take it any further, I counted the money as a loss and never looked back.
It sounds kind of freaky that her driver, if she actually has one, is screwing with e-mails.
Recognize the signs and walk away.
From what you've said, it seems possible that her driver didn't like her seeing you and she might've done what he wanted. If that's the case and the driver is no longer in her life, then I could see her wanting to reconnect. If her driver is the same guy, I wouldn't see her again.
Right now she is broke and is desperate, and wants to see you in order to make some cash. Before she was flush with cash and could afford to brush you off. If you see her again, you screw everyone else who took the time to offer you advice before. Actually you screw yourself again more, but hey, sometimes life lessons are expensive. Flush the toliet, wash your hands and walk away. No matter how long you pontificate over it, it isn't going to become a lovely rose garden anytime soon.
I've already told her that IF we meet again it cannot be for about a month so if her writing to me is a matter of needing a quick influx of cash...she's out of luck
In any event...I just can't see the money being the whole of it...we meet in a city between us...I drive about 130 miles to get there but she has to travel about 450 miles...there HAS to be guys much much closer to her she could set something up to get some quick cash...she didn't want a formal review but if I were to review her services I'd say about a 7-8 in looks and 10+ in performance...she ought to have NO trouble getting someone to replace me...especially since her rate is so competitive
The driver thing is something I wondered about myself...I don't know if she still has that "driver" ...if she does or not...this will make a different on how I proceed
I want you guys to know...whatever happens I really do value your thoughts on this matter...even I know I'm too close to the situation it's just that a case could be made that since the ONLY problem we had was something she could reasonably blame on her driver and when we were together all was good so maybe I could give her the benefit of the doubt
Right now I'm glad I'm too busy to see her and that she's too far away to set something up quickly...this gives me time to think it over
Hey can you tell I'm a planner? Things very rarely catch me off guard...I usually have everything covered...maybe that's why this is bugging me so much...I simply can't imagine a circumstance in which I would contact HER cold like this and ask to meet with her again
In case you're thinking I'm hopelessly naive...I wouldn't be writing now for your advice if my own radar wasn't going off...ooga ooga
I'm not bragging..it's more of a case of...been there, done that...I have in the past gotten manipulated by a master in my real life(in fact it's the main reason I'm in this hobby at all)
*sigh*
It seems that you've already made up your mind to see her again. You're just hoping someone will respond in kind and help you rationalize your decision.
Man oh man. Tears are streaming! My sides hurt! The 10 is well, you know, why he still pines for her. Good luck bro!
There seems to be a bit of confusion among some of you that believe this is a situation where I've fallen for the girl and am looking for reasons from you guys to continue seeing her
Not quite...I like her certainly(or at least I did before the fall out) but I'm not so blinded that I believe 2.5 kids and a picket fence is in our future
Granted in this business you tend to put up with much less aggravation since it's so much easier to just move on to the next name on your list of people you'd like to see
Netmichelle has it partially right(she knows men and seems to find my situation amusing...to her the 10 explains everything)...the time we were together was great and it's hard to simply give it up but remember I had done so in the past and if necessary will do so now
I really am not looking for reasons to see her from you guys...I can come up with THOSE myself...I wanted to know all the reasons NOT to see her
If she's just looking for steady money...who cares? Not me...I just want a nice time with a fun girl who I see once a month or so...I'm not looking for a girlfriend...I haven't lost my perspective that much
What I need to know is...is it possible for us to go back to the way it was before all the crap or not? Or is she trying to set me up in some fashion?
Please, LISTEN. You already know what you need to do. But you're trying to get us to give you permission to see this manipulative woman again, even though, deep in your heart, you know it would be a disaster. Please, send her a message today that is final and unambiguous; a message that burns all your bridges. Tell her you're done being used and that she needs to attach her suckers to some other poor host. Then if you start to weaken in the future, come back here to your friends, and we'll support you until the spasm passes.
To be willing to see her after she exposed her true colors takes a man with very low self esteem. I am glad to see that you recognize this in yourself and are willing to see her even if her motivation is only her desire for your regular contribution.
You are the poster boy for all low self esteem males.
She wants your business, you're happy with her service.
Sounds like a match!
There was a bad cancellation scene, but it was probably caused mostly by the driver and unlucky circumstances.
Why do we need "theories" about what's going on? It doesn't seem very complicated.
If this happened to me, and the lady knows she is wrong and I know she was wrong without a doubt, I would expect a free session to 'make up' and forget the past. After all, you spent 4 days with her. Wow - you're good business and she screwed up.
Since you have nothing to lose and did not expect to see her in a million years, answer her email and ask for a free session. She's either stop emailing you or give you a free one with a nice BBBJTCIM.
if she has a pimp driver or whatever stay the heck away. At best you could be being set up, if things got that ugly in your emails. I would not trust that woman in a million years, who knows maybe they want to rob you? Yes, it does happen!
You've hit a turkey, congrads!
Dump her and move on. In the end, it is all about the money, regardless of the circumstances.
If you are looking for a life-mate, go to church, join a club, do volunteer work or post an ad on craigslist.org
Providers rarely (but not always) make terrible future mates when you start your relationship out as a client/customer.
Just my opinion and I could be wrong.
Loarthan
sounds like he already made his decision now he just wants all to agree with his bad choice. I say let him make his mistakes b/c his asking is sounding more like whining. But then again a good cheese can go well with a nice whine 
Those feelings are that you are a sucker.
Business is slow, so what better time to contact someone thought of as a sucker?
Let us know if you are one.
Personally I would run away from this one quick. However if you read the post on the "manipulative woman" thread by "YouMakeTheCall" and agreed to by "WildWestKelly" you might as well go for it if she is really a 10 in your mind. I can't see much difference between being an ATM for one manipulative woman versus being an ATM for another manipulative woman. You might as well get a 10 instead of settling for an 8 or 9.
in your life. Trust me been there.
Once that special feeling is gone ..it's gone.