En route to meet a gf for lunch today, started thinking of all her questions to come.... So who are you seeing? What is his name? What is his line of work/ company? Where did you meet?, etc.... Always too curious.....
I actually have numerous men in my life now, and all are from TER/ this hobby!! Wish I could tell others about how I'm so fond of 4-5 of them, somewhat mutually in love with one, just got back from xxxx fabulous city together, had incredible sex for xxxx hours, and all the incredible moments and things we did!!!
Hard to keep stories straight! I've changed a few clients' info to make them single, changed their names, and changed their company info to just saying they are privately employed.... But then I occasionally slip and mention having been in another city when I had previously said I'd been around all this time. Have certainly had some close calls!
I've created one fictitious bf, who is loosely based on one of my 'clients', and so far it's working.... but not fond of underhandedness.
Any other ideas to keep the personal questions at bay with best friends/ family?
I am really good with this. I am honest. I just don't let on with the juicy details.
Much of this has to do with how I look, act, and because I am an artist. We get a lot of leg room and like musicians, we are almost expected to behave badly. Some of this has to do with being over 30. I am tattooed all over. It is like I am expected to be a slut.
Let me see if I can rememeber some of the conversations that I have had. ----------------------------------------------- "So, are you seeing anybody?"
"Sure."
"Who?"
"Some guys."
"Really? Cool! Someone special?"
"Sure. (Swig of beer) For now."
"Is he rich?"
"Of course."
"Married?"
"Don't know, don't care." --------------------------------------------- "When are you getting married?"
"Never"
"Why not?"
"Wreaks my style." --------------------------------------------------- "Don't you want kids?"
" I have nieces that I like to spoil rotten." -------------------------------------------------- "Why didn't you return my call?"
"I was getting fucked. Well."
--------------------------------------------------- "I thought you liked women."
"Still do." (Wondering if he is so good, then his wife must be better.)
As a hobbyist, and the family bachelor, I have a similar problem. I made the error, with my favorite 19-year-old niece, to let slip that I was seeing someone. Worse, I couldn't leave it alone. Since I began to hobby, there's been less and less about my life I could tell my extended family. So I felt obligated to "fill the void." On the day of a session, with all my pre-date excitement, I had to tell her that I actually had a girl friend. The woman I described, superficially, is Netmichelle (whose review I'm writing), of course, leaving out the scandalous details. So now she knows I'm dating a California girl who travels the country, and who is an artist. Nothing could be more interesting to her, since she was raised in the midwest, and since her major is art history. Now, she wants to meet her sometime.
Pondering the possibility of introducing Michelle to my attractive niece, I realize that I would rather see the most interesting results enacted in a movie, Hollywood or porn, but I'd never, ever, want to bring it about. No, I'll "break up" with Michelle before that happens. Get a "local provider" as a GF.
I wouldn't worry about fabicating stories because your instincts are correct. Lying is an awesome burden that will fall under the weight of it own flesh. As the years pass, the lies become so numerous that people who know you well will lose respect for you and avoid you like the plague. I wish it were simple for you to tell you parents and loved one what you do and if they are small minded enough to disown you (and some will) then so be it. Sometimes its better to take responsibility for our actions than to live with such a great burden as lying. The hobbyist can walk away from this life at any time and only have his guilty conscience attack him for his past. For a provider, the road is much harder. But in the end, all invoices must be paid. You will either pay for living the life you want or for not living it. It's as simple as that. So learn it now. "No man (woman) has ever yet lived out any life, but one, and that one, his (her) chosen own, and most of that alone". Best wishes on your journey.
Wouldn't expect a man to tell his wife, siblings, parents, coworkers, friends, children everything he is doing. Some things are better kept private if they save unnecessary pain to others.
Had a client I saw numerous times with whom I spent the night often, and he was one who so full-heartedly believed in telling everything to everyone at all times, that he went back and told his wife absolutely everything about us, including details! She was livid, obviously, a domineering, controlling, aggressive woman, and she then proceeded to tell their children!!! Why instigate such havoc?? Discretion. Some things are better left out.
My comments dear were meant for you because I know the burden of lying to everyone must be tiring. In the end you must chose the weight of secrecy over having to fabricate the many lies to cover up why you haven't met Mr. Right. Well, it really none of their business, but I suspect that you'll have your chanllenges with people sticking their noses where the sun don't shine. As for your client, it has been said many times, a fool thinks and speaks when you he sit and think... Good luck. Whatever your decision, know that the community is behind you.
It's SO true that female friends, family and co-workers thrive on knowing the status of everyone's love life.
Some ladies may have no trouble telling people it's none of their business, but that seems too rude to me. After all, they're your friends and you are close to them.
Certainly being truthful that there's no one special in your life is the best answer. But after months, or a year, that answer is going to make people wondering about you--why isn't a single, attractive girl interested in dating a guy? (if they only knew, LOL). Then they'll start the matchmaking in earnest--look out then!
To take the heat off, maybe you can pick one of your favorite clients to be the model for your "boyfriend," but place him out of state so he doesn't have to show up for Christmas parties.
I used to date someone out of state, and realized family and friends didn't ask for weekly details like they normally did. It was great--privacy at last!
parents and family members of all kinds, I look like a boyfriend even, I can become your dad's hunting buddy or help your mom with the dishes. I can answer all the usual questions with wit and charm. Sick of making up excuses why your friends and family can't meet a real, in the flesh man? Well, I'm your man. I'm clean, can act as idiotic as necessary, and am passport ready. This is not an offer of prostitution. Donation exchange is for time and interacting with pesky loved ones only. Anything else that happens (ie: needing to watch a DVD with your little brother, etc.) is between two consenting adults.
PLUS, I am conversent with a few different countries, lanaguge, culture, I have my own tux (and I know how to use it) Know theater/music,(my degree) current events, as well as a very cute set of big brown eyes...and a nice butt..........
PLUS, after the family meeting thing, I can give a great back rub, cook dinner, hot tub, wine....
I will charm the socks off your Mother, and do the "Man thing" with the Father Unit. I am really good with children.
Again, this is NOT an offer for sex....donations are for my time only. Anthing else that may happen is a matter between adults that consent about the conduct for the evening.
boy friend. If you are too charming then she will get asked to bring you to numerous dinners and other functions. It is much better if you are the obnoxious pain in the ass because then she will never have to bring you to another function ever. LOL.
I tell all those who care to ask, that I am too busy raising my kids(4) running a business( legit, helps cover) , and keeping my mortage up that I do not have time for any serious relationships. It works, it helps, and then........ they try to set me up, this is when I tell them that I am a whore and have the need of many men to help keep me sexually satisfied ..... at this point the shut up for a few mths..........
Amazingly enough, I have not had one bad response. All of my friends and family that matter to me know. Last year, when I got busted, I decided that it was such a crock of crap, to be hauled in and have to bail out, pay not one, but two lawyers to get things done right, etc., etc. I became very angry. I had to think about the gents I know who are honest, caring, giving, hard working, healthy guys who do not deserve to be humiliated just because they want to excersize natural body functions. Half of whom are not married. Guys who prefer NOT to seduce a girl into bed that he may not want to commit to, then leaving her feeling jilted, so they call a professional. As we all know, the list goes on. I came across a beautiful little necklace that I wear religiously that has an icon of the Statue of Liberty and bought it for myself. The only piece of jewelry that I have bought for myself that wasn't costume in many years.
Since that time, I have told people what I do when asked, just to see the response. Now, I have learned it really is safe to be honest. I have lost no friends, and made a few new ones because of my candor. It is easy to be trusted when you don't lie. There is responsability in this however. Very often, a new female friend wants to learn the trade. I have yet to coach anyone into that. I feel that you do have to know that you are suited. I would never try to mentor someone who is doing fine already, or because they are experiencing some discomfort financially. This industry can be very corrupting if not kept in check. Just like anything. Sooooooooo........I tell the truth, and answer questions of curiosity. That is usually all I encounter is curiosity. It's easy......to be honest.
...it would be you Jenni. It's refreshing to hear such honesty and candor. You are not thin skinned. Not everyone could pull this off with the same flare, with the same let the chips fall where they may attitude. I commend you for your sheer chutzpah.
"I had to think about the gents I know who are honest, caring, giving, hard working, healthy guys who do not deserve to be humiliated just because they want to excersize natural body functions. Half of whom are not married. Guys who prefer NOT to seduce a girl into bed that he may not want to commit to, then leaving her feeling jilted, so they call a professional."
With respect to the above I've never quite put my thoughts together in a way to explain my reasoning for seeking out the company of a provider. I don't think I could have said it any better. The part about NOT wanting to seduce a girl into bed that he may not want to commit to was especially intuitive, at least from my perspective.
I consider myself quite honest, quite candid, but this is one aspect of my life that I have tended to keep underwraps. I've never quite been able to convince myself that I could explain this in a way that would be accepted by family, friends. Perhaps someday I'll get to that place where I can be open even about this part of my life. I don't feel shame. It's just that society's preconceived notions are so deeply ingrained, with such intolerance in this country that it is difficult to see how the general attitude is likely to change anytime soon. I admire your "this is who I am, take it or leave it approach"
Someday I may be able to pull that off myself. If nothing else it would certainly be an eyeopener to those closest to me!!
BTW I have to say that it is quite insightful on your part to recognize a certain responsibility to those who might think that they have the emotional and psychological nature to deal effectively with being a provider. As you say this lifestyle can have an insidiously damaging effect on those who are not suited for it.
Like you Jenni, Most of my family and friends know the truth. (the most important people to me). I got tired of living the lie, for so long, I just said F it and hoped that they loved me for me and would accept it, and they did.
I feel VERY fortunate to have so many wonderful people in my life. It is a great feeling, not having to lie to the people,that you care about.
I do not judge ANYONE and I tend to surround myself, around those type of people. I feel if they don't accept me, it's their loss not mine.
Being a Provider can be very hard, as most have to live a double life, which is not easy.
I quit my day job 2 years ago to throw my website in the ring. I didn't want my family to be concerned about my flexible schedule and ability to finally help Mom out finacially. They wouldn't turn their backs on me if they knew... but they are gonna have to find out on their own if it's meant to be that way. So I told them I was doing phone sex! It's a great way to keep them from asking to visit me at work. Hell... it's a great way to keep them from asking me ANYTHING about work!!
When mere aquaintences ask what I do, I tell them I'm a Personal Care Attendent. heh heh heh. So True!
As for people asking me if I have a boyfriend: I tell them that I see 'Joe' now and then. Actually, when I travel to Portland as Cindy in Seattle, I tell my people that I'm going with 'Joe'. Of course there is no Joe. I just use the name of the first client I ever had. Kinda like remembering the name of the person you lost your virginity to... I'll never forget that 5 minute session!
Really. From the moment I became an escort on August 14th, 2002, to today, I say that I escort. Of course I use discretion, depending on the circumstances. NO BS, no living a lie, no fear of being "found out" or of someone 'telling on me'. It is so refreshing. I am not proud of what I do and I damn sure am not ashamed either.
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