is "Success is getting up one more time than you get knocked down". This is also relevant to tf1944's post.
I'm looking for some feedback from the community here. There is someone who I would like to start dating who is a widow of about 3 yrs. We've know each other for awhile and when I asked her to go out she said she wasn't ready for a realtionship. I told her I wanted to go out and if something happened then great.Has anyone had any experience with dating a widower.Will I always be compared to the person she lost.She has kids too.I'm wondering if i'm setting myself up to get hurt.Any advice is welcomed.
Had the pleasure of dating a widower & wish that I had married her. You don't know what you have until it's gone. After my divorce, I looked her up again & we were hitting it off real well when Cancer took her.
Any kind of civilian dating you will deal with "baggage" you will be compared with the last SO, you will be lumped into groups and labeled by the woman. The only time scars and left over baggage are not a factor is either dating when you are a teenager(no-one has had the time to get scarred) or in the safe, sexual and money driven realm of the hobby.
Cm.
-- Modified on 7/24/2004 10:08:49 AM
many, many providers who have more baggage than divorced, damaged and "walking wounded" civies. That they bring it into a professional encounter just blows my mind. Maybe I'm just too kind and too good a listener!
One provider told me she was so pissed at her ex-boyfriend for leaving her that she left her hometown became a provider .. wow! And she said she has a current sweet boyfriend who does not have a clue that she's a provider. Her boyfriend even called her as our session was about 15 minutes from termination. I could feel her heavy baggage.
To quote the Anti Christ..."Bring it on!".
I would rather go through a little trouble (and, if you are mature and not masochistic, it doesn't have to be more than a little) and be ALIVE than keep myself closed to the mysteries, lessons, experiences, joys, passions, and bittersweet moments that life brings us, replete with falling down, scaping our knees, and being bruised. A strong heart, like a strong body, can heal, and in the process learn something...along with just possibly finding something worth holding on to.
It reminds me of a line from John Cusack in "The Sure Thing": "Haven't you ever gotten completely shitfaced and made a total idiot of yourself... and still had and EXCELLENT time?".
Sometime, you gotta say "What the fuck".
Why live at all if you can't take risks? Not always, risk is commensurate with the reward...
Good luck to you...
As the song goes;
" I get knocked down, but I get up again, you're never gonna keep me down".
I have been "knocked down" many times in my life but keep getting up, sometimes, just to be knocked down again.
That's life.
If you keep getting up, sooner or later, you will stop getting knocked down.
If you don't get up, it's all over.
Life is full of risks and not taking chances leads to a very lonely and miserable life.
Just my opinion...
B
is "Success is getting up one more time than you get knocked down". This is also relevant to tf1944's post.
Why don't you just go out and shoot yourself, since you've obviously stopped living already. I really feel sorry for anyone that is that sour on life, so as to not even try to connect with another person on some other level than cash for sex (not that there is anything wrong with that).
-- Modified on 7/24/2004 1:05:18 PM
I know for a fact that he is only one aspect of a genuine person...an aspect we all struggle with, that of having been hurt, taken advantage of, and feeling bitter over it. Someday, CM will retire and hang up his cape, but he has made some posts that have been welcome counters to my occasionally overly romanticized views, so I welcome his presence, even if we have to smack each other by definition! 
a chash of the tight'uns!
I would think that the same rus apply to that as any potential relationship: be sensitive to the other person's needs, communicate well, and don't give so much that it becomes a one way street. Potentially, yes there are some inherant issues dealing with a widower, especially depending on how good the relationship between her and her deceased husband was. However, if there are real feelings there, and the person is "mature", you should be able to work through them with patience and communication. It is your job to figure out if your intended is mature and if there are real feelings on her part. Communicate your honest feelings in a non-threatening environment, and take her response at face value. If she insistes that she is not ready for anything, then see if you can salvage a friendshi, and start looking elsewhere. If she simply requires patience, well, there is always TER to keep you company until she comes around.
Don't die.
I'm sure it's been hard for her to get over so the pressures on. You'll have to live til 108.
I have been widowed for over four years six months.
I am nearing 60 and I don't think I'm capable of being in a relationship.
My late wife was my second and was my soulmate.
We had it all.
I have tried dating 'civilians' with very little success.
Perhaps if I were younger???
That is why I'm in this damn hobby.
I still try on occasion but don't hold out much hope.
However, I never have been a quitter.
Give her a little time.
Become her best friend.
I have many, too many suggestions to go into them here.
Feel free to back channel me.
Good luck my friend.
Tony
for sharing what must have been the most devastating of losses for you. You have my sincere sympathy, and I hope that the beautiful memories someday will be stronger than the feelings of sadness and loss.
Peace.
It means one of two things, according to what I've observed in women over 40:
(1) She's already involved/semi-involved with another man.
(2) She doesn't view you as relationship material.
My 2-cents: Try explaining to her that you aren't interested in a relationship, either. Just having someone to do things with/talk to, etc. Be friends to start, and be patient. Don't jump her bones. Slow and steady wins in these situations.