The one real problem I've had with hobbying is the lack of conversation on things. Everything said so far has been great and i really appreciate it. Thanks guys.
Almost 14 months ago my wife asked for a "trial" separation. It came completely out of nowhere and I was devastated. Since then it hasn't gone well and my marriage will be ending soon.
I've had some really great experiences as of late that have brought some clarity to my life and my situation as well as pushing the moving on process. For the first time in more than a year I actually like living. I really have to thank the truly great providers out there for doing what they do and having a hand in helping me more than they could possibly know.
Now with that, I have a question. Can you really just walk away from the hobby and not look back? I don't feel like I'm in too deep, but I have had a moment or 2 where the excitement of the hobby takes hold and I need that rush. Does that subside? Thoughts?
Thanks
Seriously deep question for a board, but what the heck I stayed at a Holiday Inn last night.
I've been in long relationships, was married briefly and when that ended about 3 years ago I decided I'm a hobbyist for life and stopped dating, looking or whatever you want to call it.
I've had a long-term SB for two years now, an ASU student, and I supplement that with an occasional "treat" from this community when I get an itch for some strange.....
I'm 48, want to retire in 12 years and could not be happier...and by the way, it's waaaaaay cheaper both from a monetary and physiological standpoint.
I agree. My 15yr serious relationship ended about 6yrs ago. I really have no interest in a serious relationship again. Why would I open myself up to that heartbreak again. I won't rule it out but the truth is I am not going to stop the hobbying. So, in my eyes it would be unfair to get involved with someone knowing I will still be frequenting my favorite hookers. It is FAR cheaper money wise than trying to go out and meet women to fuck and these ladies know your not going to call them the next day. Win Win. I will say that occasionally life can be a little lonely at times and I do a miss sleeping next to a warm body from time to time, but it is what it is and I have learned to accept the situation for what it is.
there is no way I am going to stop meeting my needs via this avenue. When and if I am in a relationship that meets all of my needs then I will have no problem walking away from this. Until then, I am damn thankful that i have been able to spend time with a couple of exceptional women that have made my life much more enjoyable and fulfilling.
I am currently dating right now. Sometimes I get lucky, but often I dont. I love being able to contact a provider and meet my needs, if I end up with blue balls after 3 dates that ended up going no where. But I also like the fact that a provider will dress for the act. Many GF's will put on a teddy or something, but not a pair of thigh high vinyl boots and a shelf bra LOL. The idea that are are porn stars available now is a fun avenue to go down if you can afford it [even once] and I like how ladies are traveling now, offering me new possibilities each and every month. It would be hard for me to totally walk away
read restaurant reviews. Doesn't mean my SO can't cook. We like variety. It does not offend her. Our sexual relationship is the same.
For some reason, we have been trained to believe that monogamy is the only path in a committed relationship. If you take away the poononie for financial security in a relationship, life changes. Set that stage up front if you do get back into a relationship. And if the woman you meet doesn't accept that, avoid her like the plague.... And make sure you find a best friend, not a wife, to spend your life with. That assumes you can tell your best friend everything. It is the restriction on communication that typically kills relationships. Or agendas. And you have no control over that. It is what it is and we all have been fooled at some point in our lives (which intensifies our need to hold feelings close to our chest). A vicious cycle.
Having your needs met means many things. If your life is mostly about sexual release and the chase, you will not be able to walk away (and there are points in our lives when the testosterone is RAGING). There is no better avenue than the hobby for that. I have known guys who hobbied 30 years and walked away when they found "the one". Do we fantasize? Heck, about many things. Those are just thoughts. And I do share them.
Does the rush subside? I mean, I get tired of mint chocolate chip, but sometime in the future I may want it again. And that's ok. There is no right or wrong in this life - unless it hurst you or others. Is my post on this board a bad thing? Will people judge me? Does it hurt anyone?? or does it allow me to reflect a bit... helping me (so now I am selfish). Who cares...it doesn't hurt anyone. If you are getting a rush and enjoying life, rock on!
As for your last relationship - sorry you were devastated - but in reality, you probably know now that she had an agenda OR was really poor at communication (or both). Do not let the last influence the next. I have had some crazy relationships - by all accounts, I should still be single 
As for it being cheaper to hobby - if you are looking at it purely from a poononie relationship, yes, it is. If you begin to miss holidays, family style relationships, trips with someone you love, laughs with someone you love, tears with someone you love - it is not. You have best friends that you share your life with. It is really awesome to have a partner to do that with daily. You may not be there for a while yet given the recent incident, but have faith it can happen, if you want it and work towards it.
We are who we are. We can become aware - and change a bit. All the responses in the world will not give you your customized answer. You are unique. Enjoy the ladies for now. When the time comes, you will have your answer. Just always be honest with yourself at any given moment. Appears you are doing just that.
The clarity you mentioned. If quality of the encounter is what you are referring to, one day, you may just run across the most awesome BJ you have ever had. And after having 1000 or 5000 of them, you know it. Is there a better one out there? If the grass is always greener, figuring out compromise is the next step. Not having expectations is key. Little in the hobby brings clarity to life. It is mostly a facade. You will gain clarity of yourself is about it.
I agree, the ladies offer a helping hand (wah wah!) - but so does my dentist when I have a tooth ache. Not to sound smug (though I often do), I just don't have as many tooth aches...I do not see a need to walk away from my dentist or any needs being met.
Be careful with your heart. Be happy. Do not feel guilt about pleasure. And definitely enjoy life
The one real problem I've had with hobbying is the lack of conversation on things. Everything said so far has been great and i really appreciate it. Thanks guys.
I know the topic is meant for hobbyist not providers but I just had to chime in.
Callahan I'm sorry you had your heart broke. I remember how that felt!! Ugghh!!!
Hats off to justdonebyu. I agree on many points. I don't think we as humans are made
to be monogamous. Yet we are tricked into believing that makes a good marriage or
or makes you a good person, haha!!! I have yet to meet a person who holds up to it.
I have met many a men who claim they have the same ideals on relationships, yet they
all prove to be bullshitting about that too. Maybe one day I may find that person who
shares the same ideas I do. However I am not holding my breath, hell I'm not even
keeping an eye out! That's because I truly do love this business and am so grateful to
all of you who have helped me with my wounded heart and made lonely night's almost nonexistant.!!! As for knowing if you should or would walk away??? If something makes
you feel guilty or bad about yourself , maybe. But is it because soceity doesn't agree
with it or a wrong personal belief? I love good conversation as well as great sex so maybe
Callahan you haven't found the perfect provider yet for you???? Maybe you should call me??? Just had to say it!!! I prefer being good at it over being good everytime!!!
Kelly XO
Most of my life, I had no idea this world was out there.
After the introduction and dipping my toe in the water, I decided it was quite fun.
Combining the OP's loss, that is a really bad thing, especially when it is unexpected.
But my thought is why would that prevent you from enjoying this? Wouldn't that be the benefit of compartmentalization of activities and emotions?
I have met some of the most amazing ladies I could ever imagine. Since I prefer to spend extended time and multiple sessions with someone, it's with the expectation that we are going to develop some chemistry to make our future time together more memorable.
You can get into the whole discussion of spreading genetic load to expand the species, but variety is fun.
I get butterflies when it's time to meet someone and I love the excitement of the first kiss.
Just my $0.02.
Butterflies yes......and variety is the spice of life.
This is exactly what life is all about...butterflies and variety!