Hi I'm new to the hobby. I am a man of color and so far all my dates have been with non-white providers.
I have read some ads where some white providers say that they only see white clients. Should I make sure I tell a white provider I'm black before I book or should I assume if the don't say they only see white clients then it OK to see them?
this has been the subject of a number of threads. it boggles my mind that it matters, but to some it does.
do not limit your response to white providers. there are a number of black providers who will only see white males. as far as I'M concerned, you should not have to specify (but you probably are not looking to hook up with me if you tell her prior to making the appointment, you will eliminate all doubt and avoid embarassment and inconvenience.
Hi Clarence You make a good point. One way around the problem might be the Porn Star Escorts. At least with them you know by there work if they are OK with it or not.
Plus 90% of the newer younger ones do interacial regulaly so theres no reason for any awkward feelings with them.
I don't want to offend anyone, nor embarrass myself, but I don't believe in race. I've never heard a sensible (or even sober) argument in favor of race. Factually it does exist because modern human are Homo sapiens sapiens, a sub-species (or race). The guys who invented race theory said there was less difference between a horse and a donkey, than there is between the human races. Every claim of race that race scientist have made over the years have been soundly discredited. Even more recently in a Scientific American article "Does Race Exist?; December 2003; by Michael J. Bamshad and Steve E. Olson" points out race self identification is an unreliable way of determining ancestry. American Black are up to 80 % white and a third of whites have non european ancestry. So what makes someone Black or White. I think in America it is more of a quasi-religious brief which doesn't require fact or proofs and I would never argue with someone strongly help beliefs
Here's my suggestion. People who consider themselves white should have blood test (as they would for any deadly disease) to avoid misleading a provider. People considering themselves Black are actually could have more european than african ancestry should only have sex with the white half.
OnehipYou do make a good point. I do agree with you. Unfortunately though, we do live in a world that will never get past something as trivial as skin color. Since you like to do your homework on statistics I thought you'd enjoy this one.
A provider that will go namless in her screening requirements asked for her clients racial background for safety reasons. Which I found odd? Considering that according to the department of justice, victims of violent crimes are ten times more likely to have been attacked by someone of their own race. Also the most common profile for a serial killer is a sexually repressed white male in his late 30's to mid 40's from a middle class background.
So If an escort wants to screen out clients based on race for safety reasons perhaps they should look at the facts and not buy into the same old stereo types that have held this country back for the last 400 years.
I would agree with whats on the board already. Telling them up front will save a lot of time and disapoinment in the long haul. Good luck and enjoy the variety!
Ladies may have had bad experiences with some ethnic group or another, or fear being outed if she is a member of a small enough group in a particular area. Should be nothing to worry about.
There are so many ladies out there, that a few party - poopers should not be overly annoying.
That said, few ladies have "no Jews " on their sites, so I have not dealt with this myself- might be frustrating.
Yeah, I am one- the middle eastern kind! But any providers I contact, I tell them at first contact and ask if they are ok with that. I dont feel offended if they decline.
I personally don't ask my clients for their race because it doesn't matter to me and I wouldn't expect them to just blurt it out though I would understand if they felt it was important to tell me because of experiences with other providers. My advice is to let them ask if they want to know. If it is important to them most likely they will bring it up during their screening process. One provider I know doesn't like to see men in her area who are from South Africa ( where she is from) because the local community is rather close and she doesn't want to answer the door and have it someone she goes to church with . Because of this she specifically asks their race/nationality, very politely during their phone conversation.
It all depends on how I am approached. I have lots of young black guys call and say "yo, what's up ma. How can I get up in that?" and I hang up. There are young white guys who do that too though...so I think it's more of a "young guy" thing.
If I am approached by a nice intellegent sounding black man who is very respectful and genuine about setting up a meeting I have no problem seeing him. Just depends on how they approach me and what they say.
... you really shouldn't feel the need to self-identify your race. I once got to know a provider pretty well who had a problem with African American men. She didn't advertise her preference. Long story short, she analyzed every phone message and phone conversation for any clue in speech or syntax that the caller might be African American. In which case, she just said she was busy. So don't be concerned -- if a girl has a problem with who you are, they should say so upfront. If you get to the appointment and you're refused on account of your race, I'd like to read the review here on TER. My .02 cents.
I will add though that right, wrong or indifferent... every lady needs to do what is comfortable for them. If excluding a particular race is necessary for their comfort levels then so be it. But, they should either state as much up front or, as in joe's example, assertain it themselves through screening. I don't believe you should have notify them in advance of your race. It is their issue not yours and no one should be left feeling that their race is some sort of scarlet letter. Now if you've got a third arm growing off your back... that I would mention Be safe and happy hobbying!
I am new to the hobby and a black male... I include my race in the general description I give of myself that way if I am to tall, short, fat or whatever the provider can know up front and either overtly or covertly decline my date request...no judgment of them on my part...to thane self be true ...this way we do not waste each other time and good will.
As Clarence pointed out, this is a recurring topic of discussion on this, and other, boards. While many, probably most, of us yearn for a society that is truly colorblind, I fear that is unlikely to become a reality in our lifetime.
Personally, I enjoy the company of beautiful and intelligent women irrespective of their ethnicity, and I have had some very wonderful times with women of color. In an analysis of my own experiences (which I did in one of those threads a few months back) I discovered, to my surprise, that the percentage of providers I had seen who are black very closely approximates the percentage of the US population that is black. This is purely happenstance and certainly not by design - I would be the last person to support, let alone practice, any form of affirmative action. (Primarily because I feel that affirmative action makes the notion of a colorblind society an impossibility - but that is a topic for another board.)
However, people being people, some do have preferences along these lines. What troubles me even more than people having such preferences is the double standard which the nature of this hobby necessarily creates. If my own preferences were different and I chose only to see caucasian providers, no one would ever need know - I could simply never contact a provider of color. The ladies, OTOH, do not have this luxury, and those who do have a preference will eventually have to make it known, try as they may to avoid it. And when they do, they open themselves up to all manner of criticism and accusations of racism.
Well, enough pontificating. As far as advice, I would agree with those who have said that it should not be your burden to affirmatively state your race - let the burden be on a provider, white or black, who has a racial preference in clients to make the "necessary" inquiry - although I understand your desire to avoid an uncomfortable situation. As one who was a novice at all this myself only a short year ago, I'll just say this: by using the research tools available (e.g. TER and others) and by engaging a lady in some preliminary conversation, either by phone or email, and with some experience under your belt, you will learn how to know - before the door ever opens - what the experience will be like. Trust me on that.
and the vast majority of respondents said a provider has every right to pick and choose who she sees. I agree, but why use race as the benchmark. Many said that i was off-base for even questioning her right to do this.
A provider can tell over a telephone or even e-mail correspondence if a guy is of a certain background. But an African American gentleman who is polite and well-spoken and who sounds reasonably intelligent seems like less of a risk, an Indian or Pakistani guy who grew up in the US and has hygiene habits like most Americans should pose no problem on offending one's olfactory nerves. So with a little more refined screening providers can avoid issues with the men that they see.
It's a matter of making the effort versus a blanket assumption that all people of certain backgrounds have the same, negative characteristics. That was the basis of the Jim Crow laws, Apartheid, and relegating women to certain jobs.
So why not do what some Providers do - meet in a public place to see if it is "worthwhile" to be se the guy and then if things are cool the fun can begin. If not, politely tell the guy sorry but no thanks and be on your way. Many guys would risk the mild humiliation of being told no - but this way you give others a chance to disprove some negative sterotypes. Obvioulsy, it's a judgment call on the phone for the Provider to even get to that stage but if they do then this is one possible imperfect solution to this issue.
If anybody should learn to be non-judgmental, it would be escorts. Maybe some escorts confuse class and race, and think you can't afford them given your race. I say if you have the money and are clean and courteous, they should let you hump away!
Hi I read everyones responces and they were most helpful. I think you guys all were basicly saying the same thing. If the escort in question has a problem with seeing black clients than its her responsibility to make that known not mine. So I'm just not gonna sweat it. ;o) Thanks Guys!!!!!...and Girls!!!!!!!!!
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. Because of this she specifically asks their race/nationality, very politely during their phone conversation. 