Is an appropriate babysitter....because a 16 year old older brother becomes an 11 year old when surrounded by mischief-making younger siblings. Ask my sister.
This is the wrong thread to say this because I'm NOT NOT NOT approving of this guy's actions in anyway but....
Little kids seeing the sex act by accident shouldn't be considered a traumatic experience IF you've got a loving, nurturing situation going on for the kids and the family unit. In all honesty we only have clues to go on here from a rightfully upset person.
(I'm still hoping it was an accident of stupid proportions and not a broken glass in a child's milk situation. I've gotta at least try to hope for the best. It's my nature.)
This is a post that I was reluctant to write because of the sensitive nature. However, I feel its very important to make people aware of what NOT to do and clear up some obvious confusion on what qualifys as "child abuse".....(I'm obviously no health professional....but, its just good common sense to me!):
Last week-end I went on a call to visit a gentleman at a local resort. When I arrived, I noticed sitting just a couple of yards from his room entrance were 3 young boys. I would guess between 9 or 10 to 16 years old. They were giggling and hushing each other as I walked past them. It was pretty late already. About 11:30pm.
My client greeted me and we chatted about the usual small talk subjects. He informed me that he was a week-end dad and lived very near the beach. I made a mental note that all 3 of the young boys I saw outside were wearing beach shorts, had sun-bleached hair and beach sandals on. I didn't give it another thought. As we began our session, I noticed that the room was an adjoining room to another suite and that there was virtually no luggage or items to indicate the room I was in was even occupied. I thought that was odd. So, by now I am having red flags go up and my intuition is at an all time high this year anyway. I "felt" like there was someone peering in thru the other door to our room and I suddenly became very uneasy. I voiced my concerns to my client and he began chatting about a provider that videotapes all of her sessions in San Fransisco. I guess my nervousness at the situation must've radiated to my client because he was now unable to perform. He kept looking back at the adjoining door and went soft for the winter. I told him we could just relax and continue in a while. Lets take a break and try again. He was in agreement and kept saying that this has never happened to him. He assured me that it had nothing to do with me or my skills......(whew!) That was a relief. So, after about 20 minuted he was still unable to rise to the occassion. My time was going into the 2nd hour and I had another appointment. So, I advised him that I had to go. I offered and he accepted a substantial amount of his donation back. I did this because I am very fair and respect the fact that people work hard for their money. I didn't want him to feel that he was cheated out of anything. As, I was leaving I heard a soft whistle outside the door and I noticed the three boys were no longer sitting outside. When I went to open my car door, I heard muffled voices and giggling. I felt scared so I hurriedly got in my car and drove the hell out of there.
Even though I asked my client if those three boys outside were his and he immediately said ..."uh, NO!" Do I believe those were his sons? You're damn right I do. Do I think its very possible that he allowed his sons to view our session behind the adjoining door? You're damn right, I do. Do I think that this is a form of child abuse and should never be acceptable behavior by an adult or parent? You're damn right, I do!
If this was in fact the case, what in the hell are you men thinking!!?? These were children. Not young adults or even puberty age for the two younger ones. I am disgusted by this behavior and it makes me sick to think that this seems to be acceptable by any parent. There is no right to passage at 9 or 10 years old! If I were to run into this situation again, I would handle alot differently. Someone probably would have been going to jail that night because, if we can't protect our children and keep them from harms way, then we shouldn't be allowed the privledge of being their parent. Shame on you "r. you know who you are if you read this!".
The whole call was one I would like to forget and if you are reading this and know who yuou are, don't bother submitting a review for me.You should go to parenting classes instead!
Sorry for the last sentence but....argh....I'm just getting upset thinking about it!
I hope that some of you will offer your input on this and possibly make some other points or suggestions that I have missed.
Have a great day!
xoxoxox
Carol
-- Modified on 7/10/2004 4:23:27 PM
I'm sick about your story if your conclusions are accurate. Even if he lied about the kids being his I hope he didn't allow the watching. (Please please please)
My only hope is that little boys, even that young, especially with older brothers, smell sex like cats hear can openers. And if they saw you going in..."Daddy's visiting an old friend"
But to schedule a date when he had the kids is wrong in the first place so... I'm sorry.
(I was about to say, "I'm sorry for our sex" but I think we all know it's an issue without regard to that.)
There is no excuse for this guys actions, and it is complete disrespect for his children by valuing them so little as to have them play second fiddle, even though they were "technically" with an "of age" babysitter (the 16 yuear old), to the gratification of his needs. The guy definietly would be in court if the kids mother found out (unless she has similarly poor values).
If he DID stage your rendezvous and intend on letting his kids watch without telling you, he definitely did not respect YOU at all. As far as his kids, whether it is "abuse" or an EXTREME case of poor values and parenting might be debated by some, especially as his kids assumedly weren't being forced to watch (and many boys of that age honestly might want to watch, especially if they are with a father who objectifies sex and women as this guy would seem to). However, there is no question that this is a case of very, very bad parenting.
I understand you were upset when you wrote this post, Carol, and I hope that you are able to peacefully put this horrible incident behind you (as it is unlikely that you can do much to help these boys with getting a better member of the male gender as a father). However, I want to offer you this as consolation:
Even though you say "...what in the hell are you men thinking!!??", there are MANY (and I would like to think most, if not almost all) men, myself included, who would NEVER create that situation for their children, and who value the exchange you were supposed to have with this "father" as something that is precious and should be nurtured as such with his sons...WHEN they are older and ready for it. Us men...real men...are not thinking like this clown at all.
Take care, and say a prayer for those boys. They need all the help they can get.
-- Modified on 7/10/2004 8:14:16 PM
Is an appropriate babysitter....because a 16 year old older brother becomes an 11 year old when surrounded by mischief-making younger siblings. Ask my sister.
This is the wrong thread to say this because I'm NOT NOT NOT approving of this guy's actions in anyway but....
Little kids seeing the sex act by accident shouldn't be considered a traumatic experience IF you've got a loving, nurturing situation going on for the kids and the family unit. In all honesty we only have clues to go on here from a rightfully upset person.
(I'm still hoping it was an accident of stupid proportions and not a broken glass in a child's milk situation. I've gotta at least try to hope for the best. It's my nature.)
you've really got to wonder at the poor judgement displayed by this nasty little man. If he thinks this is ok, what else are the children being exposed to?
Once again this demonstrates the shortcomings of pushing prostitution under the mat by keeping it a crime. If this had happened to me in Sydney, I would have stopped, contacted hotel security - not that they can do anything, but I would like a record of my allegations - and then lodged an incident report with the Department of Community Services. DOCs would, at the very least, contact the guy and request an interview with him and possibly the children. If the mother was the custodial parent, she would also have been informed.
legal down under where you live, Emma. Am I right? So you'd feel safe reporting something like this without fear of that kind of consequence?
This man is clearly not thinking with his big head. No one should put their children in this type of predicament. If he really wants sex that bad, he should leave the kids with a babysitter for only a couple of hours and tell them that daddy has to work for a couple of hours. Pl e e e e e e s e people. Children are impressionable.
Hugs,
Ciara
If you ask me I do not know if it would qualify as abuse per se in a legal sence but if your suspicions are correct then it is just plain sick and irresponsible on the client s part I have clients whom are single dads with visitation and schedule their time for play around their kids
kids come first
I am sorry you were placed in such a situation.
I agree that simply to let the boys be present when such an exchange occurred is child abuse, whether the entire encounter was visible to them or not. There are some sick people out there who would put their child's mental health in jeopardy by pushing them too quickly into "manhood" through such perverse initiations.
Well, at least your post will alert some providers to keep their eyes open for such occurances. I know I will!
hugs + thanks 4 sharing!
Desi
Be sure to let the other ladies in your area know of this guy. A partial phone number should work for this purpose. I think I can speak for other guys, the guy you speak of was WAY OFF BASE--to even partake with kids outside the room or worse yet, with kids watching. What the f**k was he thinking of? If we knew of your locale, maybe one of us could "make it up to you."
Why would a father do this??? What is he thinking? Some half-baked attempt to "sexually educate" his sons? Or just boasting to them?
I hope he doesn't get it up for another year.
/Zin
Whether he set it up deliberately or was just monumentally stupid, what he did is inexcusable. Even if unintentional it borders on criminal negligence.
For what it's worth, my take on it is 'accident'. That would seem to explain his impotence once you expressed your suspicions.
You, my dear, are to be commended for your responsibility and concern.