Quote from Poopdeck Pappy:
"If you said "No, I'm sorry but I cannot make it today" would she have said "okay, I will see you tomorrow", or "I am turning around and going home now"."
I made a similar point to her about that very topic...I mean she had already made the long drive...why not wait and see me on the day we were supposed to meet? She should of had that time clear since it was just the day before our session...So far she has not responded whenever she emails me
Don't get me wrong here...while I like her(and I truly do apart from the "fun" part of the meetings...we go out to eat and do other things...not just stay in the room)...we had talked on the phone(she called me) over 20 hours BEFORE we had every met(she was nervous about traveling so far for someone she didn't know and she was pretty new to the business at the time) and we have spoken on the phone probably another 10-15 hours since then just to talk(she calls me)...I nevertheless recognize this is primarily a business relationship and I'm not getting all goo goo eyed about her
Still I also know enough that this is not standard operating procedure(all that talking apart from the sessions) that plus we have only had overnights that usually lasted almost 24 hours each time...yeah yeah I know ...at only $500 I should count my blessings and quit my bitchin' right?
So you see she isn't just someone I've spent a few two hour sessions with...you have to really like someone to go for the overnight and then to do it again and again? That's what makes her attitude about all this so confusing
I just don't know how much of all this aggravation is her feelings and how much is her "driver's" and she's just passing it on to me
ARGH!
BTW When I originally contacted her...I offered to help her find other appointments in that town so she wouldn't have to make the drive just for me...it was HER decision to offer the $500 overnight and the first two times they made the drive it was the full over 500 miles each way just for me...I thought that was incredible since with the drive and time spent with me she was out of action for about two days for that $500
This is kind of part two to a question I had posted last winter about seeing someone from quite a ways away for an intial overnight session(if you go looking for it I at first used an alias but replied without it once and decided the cat was out of the bag and let people know my name here)
I got all kinds of help making sure it was on the up and up and as it happened...everything went very well...so well we've seen each other approximately once a month since then for an overnight each time
OK so what's the problem? Our last meeting didn't happen because first of all I need a certain amount of time(about a week) to clear things on my end so I can make the long drive to the city that is sort of a midpoint between us(she has to drive over 500 miles and I drive about 130 miles...she however makes sure she has appointments in a town relatively close by our meeting city so in actuality she isn't driving all that far JUST for me)
Anyway she calls me the day before we are to meet and says her two appointments in that city have canceled on her AFTER she drove to see them and she wants to know if I could see her that day instead of tomorrow(since she is already mostly there)...I'm not thrilled because in what I do for a living I have to arrange things so I have a free day and I had already done so for the day we were supposed to meet
I intially tell her yes but I have things I have to do before I can leave my home and I'll call her later...I go out and when I get home I have a telephone call from a relative asking me to supper with them(they're elderly and I cannot say no...they don't get out much and I know my remaining time with them is limited) so I call her and tell her the change in my plans but that I still am willing to see her on the day we originally arranged( I could possibly get there on that day but certainly not until very late and I'd be tired and it being a weekend I'd be paying about double for the rooms(I pay for her driver's room each time too) so for about half the time I would normally get with her on THAT day I'd much rather wait until the next day and make it a better experience for the both of us ...it seems however her "driver" has already started driving to the town we meet at and is NOT happy about this(he I'd guess had been driving to our meeting city for about 1/2 an hour when I called)
He apparently turns right around and takes her back home instead of waiting til the next day so instead of making a considerable amount for that weekend they end up with nothing
BTW When I told her about the change in plans I offered to reserve a room for them for that night...yet another extra expense on my part...I should mention so you don't think me too much a fool that her rate for an overnight is just $500 then add in the room cost it still is VERY reasonable even with the driver's room
I'm of course very surprised since they could of stuck around and got at the very least $500(I always tip too) since they had already made the long drive why not?
Too late for a long story short I suppose but the end result is...she's mad at me and feels I owe her a cancellation fee and will not see me again until she gets it
Now I like this woman very much and would hate to think she has bad feeling about me but I don't think I did anything wrong and I shouldn't have to pay a penalty for(from my perspective) her cancellations in that other town that caused all these troubles
So despite my having had seen her for once a month for four months and paying for the meals...gifts...tips...room(for us and her driver each time) it looks like she's willing to abandon a sure $500 every month because of all this
She for my part is the only provider I've seen for those months since this is my busy time and I figure a nice overnight each month is all the time I can spare...as I said I really like her and considering the amount of trouble she had to go through to make it so far to see me she must of liked seeing me too
But it may be all over now and I'm asking you guys since I'm too close to the situation...am I out of line? Do I owe her a cancellation fee?
Technically you did cancel after agreeing to move the appointment, so you owe her something, supported by the fact that you offered to pay an extra night hotel room.
I don't agree with your feeling that you didn't do "anything" wrong, since you did not honor your latest agreement (even though it was made generously, and it was not your fault), nevertheless it did affect her.
Most of her grief was not your fault, but yours was the straw that broke the camels back.
It does seem that you were trying to work something out. Too bad the negotiations broke down, maybe because the driver didn't want to hang with her another day (: I think you were the unfortunate victim of their frustration at cancellations and changes.
I guess the bottom line is how much you like her and want to see her again, which only you can answer. Just curious, how much cancellation fee does she want? If it's about as much as the extra night room, and you can get past any hard feelings, I'd say go for it.
Personally, if it were someone I really liked, I would feel sorry for what she went through that weekend (even if not my fault) and would be generous with her. (rather than seeing it as I OWE her.)
-- Modified on 7/10/2004 1:37:54 AM
ultimate advice... My understanding of what you said is that you called a half hour after saying you'd see her earlier. (to cancel.) Is that right? So they drove a half hour and would have to drive back a half hour....you've "wasted" an hour of their time? Sounds petty considering it's her other clients that put them in the situation, not you.
Given you're such a good regular I don't think her demand is very good business and I would suspect she's heavily influenced by her driver's impatience and attitude. After all she has put a certain level of trust in this guy who protects her and so he has her ear during those long drives.
But the bottom line is: if she doesn't cool off about it you end up back with linkmeister's sound advice of paying for that "hour" or losing her.
Two points I didn't make clear believe it or not given how long my original post was
One: When she called and I told I had to go out and do some things but yes I could see her that day...I told her to stay put in the town they were in until I called back because they were far closer to our meeting place than I was and until I left here there was no point in them just driving around waiting for me
So they shouldn't of been out ANY driving time...much less that hour they SAID they drove
Two: She doesn't want payment for that lost "hour"...she wants a full one half of what our session normally would of been...$250
Hell if it was just an hour she was asking for I never would of been asking you guys about this...I always gave out far more than that just in tips each time I saw her
It's like those men who canceled on her...well she'll never hear from THEM again so she's mad and I'm the only one available she has to take it out on...so I'm the one catching hell
BTW I don't REALLY know how much this is HER and how much this is her "driver" complaining...the um...driver gets a full 1/2 of whatever she makes(so she said anyway...but she doesn't want to talk about it)...draw your own conclusions on that subject
It is not your fault the others cancelled yet you tried to make it worth her while even though your original date was the following day. If you said "No, I'm sorry but I cannot make it today" would she have said "okay, I will see you tomorrow", or "I am turning around and going home now".
BTW, her rates are very low. The way I see it if the driver is not willing to drive 1000 miles round trip for only 250? He/she was probably counting on the other appts to make his/her trip worthwhile, break even. How long does it take to drive 500 miles? How much gas does it take? How about maintenence, tires, etc.? 25 cents a mile does not seem like enough to cover expenses let alone the hours it would take.
Quote from Poopdeck Pappy:
"If you said "No, I'm sorry but I cannot make it today" would she have said "okay, I will see you tomorrow", or "I am turning around and going home now"."
I made a similar point to her about that very topic...I mean she had already made the long drive...why not wait and see me on the day we were supposed to meet? She should of had that time clear since it was just the day before our session...So far she has not responded whenever she emails me
Don't get me wrong here...while I like her(and I truly do apart from the "fun" part of the meetings...we go out to eat and do other things...not just stay in the room)...we had talked on the phone(she called me) over 20 hours BEFORE we had every met(she was nervous about traveling so far for someone she didn't know and she was pretty new to the business at the time) and we have spoken on the phone probably another 10-15 hours since then just to talk(she calls me)...I nevertheless recognize this is primarily a business relationship and I'm not getting all goo goo eyed about her
Still I also know enough that this is not standard operating procedure(all that talking apart from the sessions) that plus we have only had overnights that usually lasted almost 24 hours each time...yeah yeah I know ...at only $500 I should count my blessings and quit my bitchin' right?
So you see she isn't just someone I've spent a few two hour sessions with...you have to really like someone to go for the overnight and then to do it again and again? That's what makes her attitude about all this so confusing
I just don't know how much of all this aggravation is her feelings and how much is her "driver's" and she's just passing it on to me
ARGH!
BTW When I originally contacted her...I offered to help her find other appointments in that town so she wouldn't have to make the drive just for me...it was HER decision to offer the $500 overnight and the first two times they made the drive it was the full over 500 miles each way just for me...I thought that was incredible since with the drive and time spent with me she was out of action for about two days for that $500
"... we have only had overnights that usually lasted almost 24 hours each time...yeah yeah I know...
at only $500 I should count my blessings and quit my bitchin' right?"
RIGHT! Give her the $250 and make up.
-- Modified on 7/10/2004 1:44:40 PM
Seems to me that she's really providing extra special favors to you so you might wish to cut her some slack. She'll probably more than make it up to you anyway!
We also have private lives too and would like to go out with friends or maybe not go to the hassle of prepping for a date: shaving legs and other areas, doing our nails, our hair, etc. Men forget that if we want to look really hot for you guys, it might take us a hour or two prepping for the date. So, consider that time too and whatever she has to pay her driver (whether you show up or not). However, I remember reading your post a while back and am curious why you would want to continue seeing this person if everytime you try to get together with her it ends up being a hassle for you. I love family too, but when you make an appointment with someone, shouldn't you keep it? Are providers any less important in the business world? You could have at least called her first to see if she could reschedule before you accepted the dinner invitation. I never cancel on anyone I make an appointment with unless I'm really, really sick or it's an emergency. Just my .02
Hugs,
Ciara
I agree with Linkmeister a lot. I think that you are being petty if you really like spending time with the woman. Maybe she really counted on you and honestly feel that you let her down when she needed you. If you are going to have a "favorite", you need to realize that doing so comes with baggage.
Is he not in HER employ? If I had a "driver" who told me what to do and just decided to "take me home" that would be the last time I used him as a driver. Drivers are usually someone personally known to the girl, her boyfriend/husband or a fuck buddy, especially someone driving those long distances for that length of time. A driver that takes half??? Sounds more pimplike to me. That would bother me the most. Do you really want half of your money going to this guy? He sounds like an ass.
The only thing you did wrong was say you could see her that day instead of the next. You should have never said that until you were SURE, you should have said you would check and let her know.
Beyond that she is being very unreasonable but I'm sure this has to do with the fact that her trip was a bust and her "driver" was probably pissed off at her.
If she values you as a client, she'll call you. I do not think you owe her $250 - I would say $50 for gas money/mad money and that's it. After all, you offered a free hotel room for the night and to keep your original appt for $500. That seems like a reasonable offer, I don't know why she refused it.
I did tell her to stay put until I called back when I'd be ready to leave so they shouldn't of been doing ANY driving to the town where we meet...I WAS sure I could see her that afternoon but when I got home as I mentioned I got a call from a family member to go to supper with them...they are very old and normally don't go out hardly at all because one or the other is too ill to do so...as I said...I like the girl but family things come first...especially with these family members...once I knew this I called her and told her the change in plans(at this point they both still should of been waiting for my call before beginning the drive to meet me)
I agree about her "driver" I only found out about her arrangement with him when I was asking why they didn't stick around until the day we were supposed to have our session...it was only then she told me he gets half of whatever she makes and made it VERY clear she did not want to talk about it after I suggested she find another "driver"
I've seen and talked to him(the first couple of times when I got him his room I had to make it clear to the hotel people that while I was paying for his room any EXTRA expenses he incurred while there were to be paid for by him so he had to sign in and everything)...to be honest he doesn't look like what I'd imagine a pimp would look like...kind of small and fairly personable
If she is willing to lose a steady gig to try and gouge $250 out of you, you know just how important you are in her life. Zip.
She knows that appointments are not sure things. It is not like this is a big surprise. If she wants appointments to be for sure, she should ask for a downpayment. This greatly reduces the cancellation rate.
She asked to move the appointment. If you don't make it, so what. If anything, she owed you a discount for trying to accomidate her needs.
BTW - She doesn't have a driver, she has a pimp. If she has a greedy pimp, it was only a matter of time until she broke bad.
The situation you are in now was set in motion by her request to change the date at the last minute. Her anger is directed at you when it really should be directed at herself for agreeing to an arrangement that depended on other appointments on same day in a location hundreds of miles away. I assume that her $500 is a deep discount as well. She would lose if you cancelled all together or keep the next day, leaving her with a non-productive day to wait. All in all, she made a bad business decision and as much as she likes you she is hurting herself financially with this deal. Rather than say pay me more for my time for the overnights, she is asking you to make up for her loses if you want to see me again under the same arrangement. For her, the money has to come first. So it's simple...pay her or don't see her again. If you pay, think of a better arrangement for the future.