I had a similiar situation when I was in vegas arranging an incall, and she wanted my hotel information...I was there with my SO and told her not to call and she said she wasn't and sure enough and she called and left a message I did not know about.
I just answered a post on another board from a guy who was leery about an agency's request for his home phone number as a prerequisite to gaining access to their services. The guy was desperate. The post made me recall an experience I had with this, which might be useful to any guys here who have private lives they'd like to keep private:
I was on the road once, lonely about 10 PM. I called a local agency (this was in the days before TER) who said they absolutely had to have a listed home phone number. Thinking with my little head, I gave it to them. The agency SWORE up and down they don't actually call - they just need to check the phone listing out with Directory Assistance. I hang up. Ten minutes later, phone rings. I assume it was the agency calling me back. Yup. You guessed it. It was my SO. She was very upset. Some young girl called and she wanted to know where I was and said she was "from work" and then wanted to know what I do for a living (I'm not exagerating, the girl was THAT stupid). My SO, however, was not stupid. She put two-and-two together. Voila. I was busted, big time. That agency blew my cover.
Sure, the agency shouldn't have been so stupid. But it was. I learned two things: (1) There's no agency on earth worth risking my cover for and (2) to never, ever trust anyone in this hobby with ANY information whatsoever that might even remotely get me busted again -- even if it were used in the most unimagined way possible.
I know this board speaks often to the issue of security for the ladies, which is a viable, legitimate issue. I'm sure the ladies who do require home phones for screening will adore this post (not). My point is: we guys with private lives also have a need for security. Guys, whatever information about yourself you put out there in the exercise of this hobby, you have to assume it could be used in an unintended manner, and bring unintended consequences. I'm not in the phone book any more. I'll let you ladies audit my corporate tax returns faster than sharing my home phone number and address.
There are plenty of valid reliable screening measures other than a home phone number, IMHO.
I had a similiar situation when I was in vegas arranging an incall, and she wanted my hotel information...I was there with my SO and told her not to call and she said she wasn't and sure enough and she called and left a message I did not know about.
Damn. Got cut off!
(I don't have an SO....I feel for you guys keeping your hobby a secret...I really do. Definately not worth wounding your family over.)
-- Modified on 7/9/2004 7:29:24 PM
A single information such as a home phone can destroy your entire family. Even if the agency has some beautiful providers, it's not worth it. Why don't they just ask for the office phone. At least, SO won't answer that.
Still not a good idea. Secretary to whom my work phone rotates when I don't answer fielded harassing calls from a deranged provider who tried to blackmail me into using her. A different sec'y, and I could have lost my job. IMHO, when traceable personal info is demanded, (other than a reference to another provider you have seen,) move on.
There are plenty of mature providers that use your home address to double check that you own a home and your home phone number (it's always listed somewhere) for the same reason. Never a reason to make a call, the tax assessor keeps those records easily available.
Guys that own homes are so much less likely to try to stalk us and harm us than guys that don't (sorry renters, you have much less to lose in my way of thinking~I know, there's always another case history, but all of our local~san diego~ known prostitute killers have been renters, and to top that off, mostly military. I'm just one to play the odds.)
Obviously, giving out ANY information to an agency is pretty much wrapping a noose around your neck. You never know when the feds are going to catch up with them for not paying every penny of their taxes, or when they are going to make a mistake and send a girl to a psycho that will kill her and then all hell will break loose.
That's my story and I'm sticking to it. So if you hobbiests stick with mature, solid independents that have computer guys coming to scrub their machines as often as they go see their physicians for physicals and you're going to be a-ok.
Of course, if you have 3-5 other points of verification to offer up to a provider, it's probably not necessary to get into your home information. I, for one, have stopped seeing new local guys that can't host me at their homes. One mean, vociferous apple, but that's water under the bridge.
xoxox
Elise
There's really no way for us to know which providers are mature and discrete...at least not with absolute certainty. So that type of info and hosting at my home...no chance. I prefer my private life to stay private.
I certainly don't blame you for your methods. If my references aren't sufficient, we are both free to move on.
BTW, Washington's Green River killer was a homeowner.
I don't have a home phone number.
But then again, I don't have an SO.
/Zin
I have to agree with your next to last paragraph about being prepared for the worst. Over the years I have seen at times indiscretion occur related to every piece of information given to providers. Fortunately I did not have an SO to pick up messages or answer the phone. The TER reviews are a useful tool but just because a lady has good reviews does not mean that she is discrete and trustworthy with your information.
As to the comment that the "mistake was who you gave it to, not necessarily giving it out" You could say almost the same thing to a provider who had just booked a date with LE or a nut case. Geez I am sorry that you got busted but it was really just your judgement mistake that you booked a date with the wrong person. Both sides can try and minimize their exposure but there is no magic bullet.
As usual if a lady wants more information than you are willing to provide you just need to move onto another lady. From the lady's perspective she should just move on if she can't get enough information to make herself comfortable.