Since I let some nice, wholesome, attractive ladies kick the shit out of me. 
Finally a place to let my wild side out without freaking everyone out! YES!
how to raise the question of safe submissive play WITHOUT freaking anyone out? Or some tips for those just starting to explore?
I think any newbie should start off slow..Start with light bdsm..Be sure to let your Mistress or Master know that you are new and what you would be interesting in trying and even maybe what you have already tried. Always remember to use a safe word.. a simply word that lets your Mistress know you are getting uncomfortable.
The best part about this is the ability to always try something new. One never knows what will take them to the ultimate O...
Be open minded and let yourself go into a private world of ultimate play...
and don't be shy, we've heard it all !!
and no you are not strange..just creative..
What you are referring to is "scene negotiation". Before you ever start playing, you want to discuss with your play partner a number of issues . . . For example, what is your past "play" experience (if any)? Do you have any medical conditions or ailments that they should know about? Do you have any hard "limits"?
The standard practice is kind of a traffic light system. "Yellow" means slow down. "Red" means stop.
I've been taught (what I believe) is a better way. The Top or Dominant will instruct the bottom or submissive to use that, but also periodically ask for a number on the 1 to 10 scale, with 10 being the worst pain you can possibly experience. So, let's say you start a spanking scene, and the Top commands, "Number?" If the bottom say, "4", then the Top can go a bit harder. Another aspect to that pre-negotiation is to use the "Mercy" rule, but be specific, like, "Mercy on the bottom of my feet, please, Sir!" That way, you can continue playing, but you just stay away from the area that's "had enough".
By the way, if you meet a Top/Dominant that doesn't negotiate a scene beforehand (or a bottom/submissive who has "no limits"), run for the hills.
Good Advice on "running for the hills"
or none of those things, I just hate writing subject lines.... HA!
There's no sure-fire way to ask without the risk of freaking someone out. Try a regular session first, see if the chemistry is there, then email her and ask if she would consider playing out a fantasy of yours. Boom. Done. Worst case scenario, she says, nah, that's not really my thing.
If you're just starting, really consider what you are comfortable sharing with someone else. Come up with your safe word. It should be a word you wouldn't normally say in the middle of a session. Start with an easy fantasy, then move your way up. You will find what is right, and you will find the right partner to take you there.
Juliane (of the XXX variety)
In my circle, most of the time they use the words "yellow" and "red" with the same meanings as traffic signals (slow down and stop). However, I found that I would bottom out before coming up with red - and I think it's because I wear red all the time so it isn't a stop word for me (except those big ones on the corner). So, I use "enough" when I'm at my stopping point -
Sometimes, when I'm being caned, and am in the endorphin space so much that I can't really talk, I simply take the cane away from the Top.
Hope this helps.
Sorry, you beat me to the punch on this one. I'm new to the moderating thing. Good response - see my note above for enhanced negotiation techniques.
i've been playing a switch online in RPG for about a year. I've played primarily as a submissive woman, sometimes a domme woman and occasionally a sub guy. My online playmates all had RL experience with this and it has me thinking about playing in Real Life, but not sure where to begin. Hopefully will get some ideas from this great new board.
Try and find a local BDSM group near you. You can attend one of their "munches" which is a vanilla group meeting in a public setting. There you can get to know some of the Lifestyle folks in your area. this is a safe and sane way to start on this journey...Good Luck!
Since I let some nice, wholesome, attractive ladies kick the shit out of me.