The Smiths were unable to conceive children, and decided to
> >use a surrogate father to start their family. On the day the
> >proxy father was to arrive, Mr. Smith kissed his wife and said,
> >"I'm off. The man should be here soon."
> >Half an hour later, just by chance, a door-to-door baby
> >photographer rang the doorbell, hoping to make a sale. "Good
> >morning madam. I've come to..."
> >
> >"Oh, no need to explain. I've been expecting you," Mrs. Smith
> >cut in.
> >
> >"Really?" the photographer asked. "Well, good! I've made a
> >specialty of babies."
> >
> >"That's what my husband and I had hoped. Please come in and
> >have a seat."
> >
> >After a moment she asked, blushing, "Well, where do we start?"
> >
> >"Leave everything to me. I usually try two in the bathtub, one
> >on the couch and perhaps a couple on the bed. Sometimes the
> >living room floor is fun too... you can really spread out!"
> >
> >"Bathtub, living room floor? No wonder it didn't work for Harry
> >and me."
> >
> >"Well, madam, none of us can guarantee a good one every time.
> >But if we try several different positions and I shoot from six
> >or seven angles, I'm sure you'll be pleased with the results."
> >
> >"My, my, that's a lot of..." gasped Mrs. Smith.
> >
> >"Madam, in my line of work, a man must take his time. I'd love
> >to be in and out in five minutes, but you'd be disappointed
> >with that, I'm sure."
> >
> >"Don't I know it," Mrs. Smith muttered. The photographer opened
> >his briefcase and pulled out a portfolio of his baby pictures.
> >"This was done on the top of a bus."
> >
> >"Oh my gawd!!" Mrs. Smith exclaimed, tugging at her
> >handkerchief.
> >
> >"And these twins turned out exceptionally well, when you
> >consider their mother was so difficult to work with."
> >
> >"She was difficult?" asked Mrs. Smith.
> >
> >"Yes, I'm afraid so. I finally had to take her to the park to
> >get the job done right. People were crowding around four and
> >five deep, pushing to get a good look."
> >
> >"Four and five deep?" asked Mrs. Smith, eyes widened in
> >amazement.
> >
> >"Yes," the photographer said. "And for more than three hours,
> >too. The mother was constantly squealing and yelling, I could
> >hardly concentrate! Then darkness approached and I began to
> >rush my shots. Finally, when the squirrels began nibbling on
> >my equipment, I just packed it all in."
> >
> >Mrs. Smith leaned forward. "You mean they actually chewed on
> >your um... equipment?"
> >
> >"That's right. Well, madam, if you're ready, I'll set up my
> >tripod so that we can get to work."
> >
> >"Tripod??"
> >
> >"Oh yes, I have to use a tripod to rest my Canon on. It's much
> >too big for me to hold for very long. Madam? Madam? Good Lord,
> >she's fainted!!"