She Escorts without her Family knowing about it. They think she works a Regular 9-5 Legit Job. I sometimes pick her up near her house and drive her to her Working Incall location. At the end of the day I drive her home. She's really Nervous when I pick her up and drive her home. Seems that the Father of her kids doesn't know what she actually does for Money. I believe her because when I pick her up or drop her off at her house, she's always Nervous about being scene getting into my Car. I know it would be a Bad Scene if he ever found out what she really does for Money.
For providers with serious Boy Friends, is talking about your "work" or clients always an awkward conversation? Is it just a subject which is avoided all together?
I'm trying to understand from a guys perspective, how guys deal with it and how they rationalize someone they truly care for being with total strangers or other guys. Especially in serious relationships where both parties are open about EVERYTHING. I can't imagine how being an escort doesn't create a constant elephant in the room and tension that is always just looming. Some guys get jealous if their girl friend accidentally stares at a guy through her peripherals, I can't imagine how those type of guys would react to dating an escort. I can't imagine how a guy can get intimate with his girlfriend, maybe a day or several days after he was totally aware she was escorting doing god knows what.
I've rationalized some things before which have been really tough, this concept however is a total brain buster.
Or us? I know several gals who are married or in LTRs. They share a bit of it with me, and possibly with others. Do you really think they'll share anything on this board? I, for one, hope not.
And I'm sorry you asked.
If you are involved with an escort its a business you need to see it as such.
If you cant separate your relationship with her from her relationships with her clients then this is not for you.
Everyone doesn't feel the way you do. Most women in this biz can keep it separate and many men can as well.
So just to confirm, many guys can deal with it? Meaning many guys can deal with their girlfriends getting effed by other guys?
AND that's ok! Don't date or marry an escort you wont be happy.
BUT there are many ok with this many Ladies are married and have SO who we are honest with. They are comfortable with this.
You don't have agree understand or get it in any way shape or form.
BUT stop projecting and pushing your opinion off on everyone who DOES get it.
Dude move on...
There are certainly no shortage of harsh judgments surrounding every aspect of this activity. We’ve come to expect that from society at large. But when someone within the hobby displays such self-ascribed moral superiority, it has the particular ring of sanctimony.
I confess that I'm bent in many ways (although I must say one poster told me a while back that if I'm bent he's a pretzel, of course from the context of that post). But honestly, who the provider I'm with is seeing is absolutely none of my business. I don't know for sure, nor do I care, but I suspect a provider I've seen has a woman for a SO. Her personal life and preference is not my concern, she makes me happy when I see her and that's all that should matter to me. I don't see this life as something that anyone should get emotionally attached. The providers are in this life for their reasons and we are in it for ours, as long as all of us can be respectful of each other during our sessions, it's a win/win for both parties. It's when the invisible line gets crossed that problems arise.
Rrasha, not only are you amazingly hot, you are incredibly intelligent and real. That's very cool. I'm sorry that I never had the opportunity to meet you, as I understand you've gracefully exited the life. I wish you well.
I too find that sanctimonious, morally superior, attitudes coming from the mouths of hookers and whore mongers do have a particular ring to them even more shrill than those coming from society at large.
It's been a long proven fact around here that hookers and whoremongers, at least a lot of them that post on this board, are every bit as narrow minded and judgmental as the rest of society. Every thing from "my fetish is ok, but your's is sick" to "Never date a John" immediately followed by "Never date a hooker" The list is endless.
People just don't seem to get the concept of "If you don't like something, don't do it" but leave the rest of us to do what we like. I have "dated" several providers, both active and retired. I just spent the last three days with a retired provider who has left everything about this business behind her, except for me of course. We've had our ups and downs over the years but I could never imagine using her former profession as a weapon against her, as in "well you are just a whore" whenever we get into the inevitable fights that two people will have. I have never gotten the philosophy that it's ok to be a whore monger, but not ok to be a whore. oh well, I guess we are well on our way to this years SPOTY's lol
I agree with every word said. Nothing worse than a sanctimonious and judge mental asshole monger. I don't like sanctimony and judgement from anyone for that matter. Typically tell them go jump off a fucking cliff somewhere.
however exceptions happen like the lottery but they do.
there have been cases where a former client and a provider eloped to have a serious relationship
and it formed from a client. Guess there are just some special guys , among ten-thousand
a provider will be serious about. Strangely I've seen it happen personally 3 times already
after five years in the hobby.
i.e. three ex atf's won by three ex-ter clients.
like making extremely rare nuclear isotopes and elements or finding rare-earth magnates, don't discount the possibilities of the universe.
I have an SO, and am very honest with him. His dick does not belong to me, so who know wtf he is doing that I am unaware of. My parents were married for 24yrs & I always recall my daddy cheating. Not sure why your trying to understand something that you clearly could never understand with the negative statements you have made, so far.
I've rationalized some things before which have been really tough, this concept however is a total brain buster.
What a trip...
I normally don't like to make negative posts but you are a piece of work. How can you post an ISO for BBFS and then this post?
-- Modified on 1/2/2014 11:37:57 PM
I tend to do a lot of repeat business with a few favorite providers; when that happens, inevitably there's a fair amount of sharing of personal s--- on both sides, so I may be better equipped to answer this question than many other hobbyists:
Your suspicions are correct. It is often very difficult for BFs/husbands of providers to maintain the "appropriate perspective" on what their SOs do for a living. Many start off saying they're ok with it--then over time, they stop being ok about it--or they rationalize their own behavior ("Well, if she's f'kin other guys, then it must be ok for me to f'k other girls!").
Are there no successful "real" relationships between providers and civvies SOs? No, of course not. There are many, and I know providers who manage to pull it off. But I also know many providers who have been less successful with it, and just resign themselves to being without a "real" life partner until they decide to leave the biz. It's a tough road, filled with land mines which can blow up unexpectedly, seemingly without any obvious provocation.
I don't think I would be capable of having a "real" relationship with a woman who was a provider. Although I have to confess, I'd have a much bigger problem with my hypothetical provider gf f'kin other guys than I would if she only f'ked other girls. Stuff that in your double standard and smoke it. Go figure…
How would you feel if your hypothetical provider fucked other guys, but only for money, but fucked another girl because she loved her? Which would bother you more?
I already know the answer to that question as far as it pertains to me, as it has already happened. I dated a tica a few years back who was absolutely gorgeous. She was a working girl, and I knew this because it was how we met. She was also bi sexual and had a GF, I found I was able to reconcile the other guys because that was "just work", but I couldn't reconcile the GF because she had real feeling for the GF and I felt betrayed. (also the GF was not bi, but lesbian, so a happy threesome was out of the question)
Long story short, I haven't see the beautiful tica in years, but amazingly enough I have become casual friends with the lesbian GF who I even allowed to fuck one of my GF she had the hots for as sort of payback for fucking her GF first.
Maybe this is more of a "triple" standard? lol
reason why it would be quite difficult to engage into any type of relationship in this world much less in the real world. Yes it is great to have someone who cares about you but, most relationships with providers end up in some sort of drama sometimes not even caused by the lady but the jealous boyfriend, husband, fiance etc. I prefer to focus on school and my career at the moment, I feel that whenever I am able to be fully available (physically and mentally) to embark into a serious relationship where I can be financially independent with a business and a graduate degree then I will.
I respect the ladies who are in relationships and even married but I just don't want to feel that I am not giving the other person what he is expecting in return because it is very difficult to think that the person you love is being intimate with other people. Just my humble opinion.
Before I expound on your thesis, let me admit that there are many shades of gray in our hobby and I do recognize them.
But the bottom line is, if we are acting appropriately in the hobby, what is there for an open minded SO to be jealous of? What do I mean by acting appropriately? If participate in the hobby, assume that a GFE provider will give you sex, comfort and some friendliness. But you can also assume that there is no love attached, maybe some affection, but no real love. So if the lady is giving her love to her SO and not to her customers, what is there to be jealous of? The provider is supplying sex and a reasonable session to her customers and holding her love and maybe some special skills for you.
I would imagine, never having dated a sex worker, that there has to be some level of emotional TLC involved between the LTR partners. I mean providing isn't completely without emotion, but wouldn't a relationship with an active provider require some reconnection on a constant basis? Again, this is an idealistic scenario, there are people who could never be in an LTR while providing.
But again, I have to admit to my inexperience with the hobby, only having participated about a year. I may be idealistic in my assessment. I also realize that, in general, I'm much more open minded than most. I hope that the points I brought up are realistic.
only when both the provider and client mutually agree to cut all ties to the hobby and elope
away from it never contacting the thousands of former clients again (and even other providers)
after the utr-pm rumor mills die down. Amazingly I've seen it happen with three ex-ATF's. in just five years.
Now I'm sick of the hobby. And I've been single since before TER existed
Somehow someway it will crash and burn. Men are programmed to spread their seed and women are programmed to protect theirs. Open relationships are against nature. Women want good genetics and someone who can protect them. Men want to fuck as best they can.
Your statement is actually a (long-ingrained) social construct. In short, the new research shows that men and women have similar sex drives and sexual tastes (in the aggregate of course, every individual is different).
The interesting thing is that there has been almost no research on women's sexual desire until this past decade. Once Viagra became a cash cow, all the pharm companies started pouring money into developing a female viagra, hence all the new research on female desire. Check it out!
She Escorts without her Family knowing about it. They think she works a Regular 9-5 Legit Job. I sometimes pick her up near her house and drive her to her Working Incall location. At the end of the day I drive her home. She's really Nervous when I pick her up and drive her home. Seems that the Father of her kids doesn't know what she actually does for Money. I believe her because when I pick her up or drop her off at her house, she's always Nervous about being scene getting into my Car. I know it would be a Bad Scene if he ever found out what she really does for Money.
hey all,
IMHO, I believe you have to care/trust for your SO and vice versa, ie if she workings cause she needs to pay for schooling (unable to get a student loan) and you cannot support her, then you have to live with it if you can get past it or don't. Everyone is human with feeling/emotions and goals/hopes, it is your choice whether you want to be with that person or not and go thru the good and the bad.
If it was me and I could not provide support and she wants to working then I cannot tell her to not work cause it bothers me. I would be denying her the means to get to her goals/dreams. Best to be supportive and make sure she is safe.
Yes jealousy would be issue and if no trust then relationship is broken.
Besides when I was with girl I do not ask personal items, it kills the mood.
aloted
I'm trying to understand from a guys perspective, how guys deal with it and how they rationalize someone they truly care for being with total strangers or other guys. Especially in serious relationships where both parties are open about EVERYTHING. I can't imagine how being an escort doesn't create a constant elephant in the room and tension that is always just looming. Some guys get jealous if their girl friend accidentally stares at a guy through her peripherals, I can't imagine how those type of guys would react to dating an escort. I can't imagine how a guy can get intimate with his girlfriend, maybe a day or several days after he was totally aware she was escorting doing god knows what.
I've rationalized some things before which have been really tough, this concept however is a total brain buster.
It can work if both parties are open minded and honest with each other. Lack of trust creates the jealousy that destroys the relationship. Just like in the civvie world, there are good relationships and bad relationships. It all depends on the two people involved, their mindset, and how they approach the relationship.
I'm trying to understand from a guys perspective, how guys deal with it and how they rationalize someone they truly care for being with total strangers or other guys. Especially in serious relationships where both parties are open about EVERYTHING. I can't imagine how being an escort doesn't create a constant elephant in the room and tension that is always just looming. Some guys get jealous if their girl friend accidentally stares at a guy through her peripherals, I can't imagine how those type of guys would react to dating an escort. I can't imagine how a guy can get intimate with his girlfriend, maybe a day or several days after he was totally aware she was escorting doing god knows what.
I've rationalized some things before which have been really tough, this concept however is a total brain buster.
Based on somewhat limited personal experience, some girls believe that it might be easier to maintain “relationship” with someone they met as a client. Whenever it’s true or not I have no idea. The topic of other clients was not exactly taboo and would come up once in a while but I would say both parties made an effort to pretend that it was more or less “normal" if open relationship and not focus on it too much. But you know, sooner or later when you are getting kicked out at 6am ‘cuz someone is scheduled for 7 makes you wonder if you really wanna head that way.
Personally, if you find yourself dealing with this situation, I would recommend to enjoy it while it lasts and try not to get too involved. '
PS: once again, this is based on my personal experience. Ymmv; everyone is different
I'm guilty of dating someone I met as a client first. It ended up being a nightmare of a situation. I was honest with him about still working. At first he acted ok with it. Then after a few months he went crazy. Literally. Needless to say the relationship ended with a restraining order. Leason learned! Never again!
He knew what you were doing prior to starting a relationship with you. And, he knows the life and that it's just fantasy you are providing to your clients. I don't get why he all of a sudden develops the jealousy? Yes, you're fucking and sucking other men, but for an hour 2 or 3 and then it's over. I'm confident that you are respectful to him and clean up after and then you go home to the real relationship with him. I just don't get jealousy, it's a terribly ugly emotion that has no upside.
But, then again this is coming from a guy that would get excited about you having an appointment if you were my SO. Of course I understand that I'm the minority on this subject. I'd love to have a SO that I could go to Swing parties with.
Mostly, I check in early and often. A lot of the hurt that comes in relationships is the feeling of being ignored in some way. I'm aware that this isn't easy. I know I spend a lot of time with other men, and I know he knows I'm good at my job. It is not an easy place for an SO to be in. Because of this, I try to pay attention to how he handles things, and what he says. I've learned how to read men, and I've learned how to communicate with them. Very well. So I try to bring that home with me. What's the point of learning how to make a man happy if the man who loves even the dark and dirty parts of me goes ignored? His feelings and thoughts are important to me, so we talk. Not constantly, but consistently, and always in a manner where we are trying to understand each other, instead of talking at each other. Because of this, we rarely have disagreements, and we can both treat my work like there's just a quirky office atmosphere
He knows still today.As long as I come home smiling it's okay.If I come home sad it becomes an issue.Might be taking lots of time off, buying a huge RV and traveling the country soon.Maybe not.He just wants me to be happy as any SO should.
I'm trying to understand from a guys perspective, how guys deal with it and how they rationalize someone they truly care for being with total strangers or other guys. Especially in serious relationships where both parties are open about EVERYTHING. I can't imagine how being an escort doesn't create a constant elephant in the room and tension that is always just looming. Some guys get jealous if their girl friend accidentally stares at a guy through her peripherals, I can't imagine how those type of guys would react to dating an escort. I can't imagine how a guy can get intimate with his girlfriend, maybe a day or several days after he was totally aware she was escorting doing god knows what.
I've rationalized some things before which have been really tough, this concept however is a total brain buster.
It would take a high level of being nonjudgemental. I've known a wide variety of people in my life so I don't think it would bother me.
Some do some some don’t. Some work and make a living and some play video games all day and live as parasites.
No hard is it?
Why does Red Neck drive 90 miles an hour on Interstate during peak hours?
Why does Red Neck race to stop at red light?
Try to understand that and come back.
I saw a provider (4 times).. who lives in a cheap motel not far from my house with her boyfriend who is the father of her 3 kids (who all lived somewhere else) .... Turns out I would set a date with her.. show up, text her that I was in the lot and her boyfriend would leave and walk the dog while I was there. I saw him come out a few times when he didn't know where I was parked.. Drove me nuts when I would come in and I knew he had just been in the bed I was now in.. He didn't work.. the girl worked her tail off. Had an 8 hr job in a restaurant where she had to be at work at 4:00 AM.. Then she would leave at Noon and see guys in the afternoon.. He was fine with it.. Drove me nuts...I don't see her anymore even though I drive by her place several times a day.. I was always afraid he would flip out and want vengence or something.. just knowing that he had been banging her 15 minutes before I was there and , of course, they were bareback.. More than once I knew why she was so wet when I got there.. just not good..
Seen her one time, much less 4 times.
Would cancelled and left as soon as I found out the name of the hotel. Besides, cheap motels are LEtraps
Would cancelled and left as soon as I found out the name of the hotel. Besides, cheap motels are LEtraps
after the 1st time, I don't think I'd be back. Too much of a weird factor, and besides you never know if he may want to turn you into a human lampshade after he comes off of his meth buzz.
Some providers never tell their BF their true line of work .
What I don't know never hurt me.
A guy finding himself in a fit of jealousy , when another man looks at his girl friend , never
keeps her for long .
I'm trying to understand from a guys perspective, how guys deal with it and how they rationalize someone they truly care for being with total strangers or other guys. Some guys get jealous if their girl friend accidentally stares at a guy through her peripherals, I can't imagine how those type of guys would react to dating an escort. I can't imagine how a guy can get intimate with his girlfriend, maybe a day or several days after he was totally aware she was escorting doing god knows what.
I've rationalized some things before which have been really tough, this concept however is a total brain buster.
assuming that you are over 21 then you need to get laid more often and probably also leave the clergy. Sex is magic but adults can compartmentalize.
Now I do recall when I was 17 in the Amsterdam red light district and the lady said she needed kleenex or something and would go upstairs and borrow some from her husband. I was so freaked! Was he going to come downstairs and beat me to a pulp? But this was the second coital encounter of my life for cripe sake. By the time I was 20 my first True Love had broken my heart, some guy she shacked up with for a weekend to torment me was calling me to get me to talk her out of aborting his baby, and after we finally broke up I don't recall ever being jealous again. Homework Assignment: Listen to Leonard Cohen's "I Lit a Thin Green Candle". Yours truly, Sigmund
-- Modified on 1/3/2014 10:01:23 AM
Then again, so did I with mine.
What the fuck is men's perspective? Do you think it is going to be the same? Dumb
The provider is "highly selective" about who she sees...you know, like the ones you review and your "better than the top 10" UTR girl. It makes me sad that such amazing girls won't make themselves available to ordinary guys like me, but I guess that would piss their boyfriends off something awful. You, on the other hand; why, any man would be honored to share his girl with you...and for BBFS if course. Damn, where is a dripping with sarcasm font when I need one?
But seriously, grow the fuck up.
I would say that the guys you described shouldn't date providers, they are insecure and can't handle the woman they are with being with another man. I personally think it's a sick person that is obsessively jealous of their partner that they get upset when their partner even talks to a person of the opposite sex, I see that as a very insecure person and insecure people are very unattractive to me. Now on the other hand some people would think I'm sick because I would be excited about my SO sucking and fucking other guys in a Swinger environment. Don't get me wrong, I'd want her to brush her teeth and wash up after but I find it very erotic if she sees a guy she likes and goes over and gets what she wants. I see a provider that told me her SO would hide in the closet and watch her with her clients if she would let him. I think that's cool, but then he and I are both obviously voyeurs. It's not for everyone, we all have our perversions and we all have our hangups, it's what makes life interesting.
Really!?! I just don't understand why you don't get that this insulting post and your bbfs ISO is nothing but a lose-lose situation. Forget the perturbations in the thread, if you are narrow minded and looking for bbfs, you are not likely to be a welcome member of the hobby. I don't know why others have taken the time to respond to explain it to you, you certainly are not able to understand the benefits of the hobby.
Thank goodness you don't hobby in my area or any that I frequently travel to. Any provider you've seen is now suspect to me and will require extra scrutiny. I wish I could be erudite as rrasha, but I don't you would understand her articulation.
I rarely post and I don't do flame posts, but you've got the lead on SPOTY for the young year. I hope that if you change your handle, you keep posting like this so that we know who your are.
OP doesn't seem like he'd understand so this is for Rasha and some of the more erudite posters...
Speaking for myself only as someone who's been with a provider for nearly a decade,
no one has really hit the nail on the head as to how my relationship works.
We went into it knowing what each other was doing before we fell in love.
We mutually agreed to retire from hobbying, and yes, she did have all of her legitimate needs met financially.
The one thing that drives her back to providing is her drug habit. She kicked it when we first met and for many years. eventually, stresses of adapting to civvie life took their toll and she has relapsed several times. She always starts by keeping her providing a secret so that I don't realize she's using again. Of course it always comes out.
I'm willing to pay countless hours and money helping her through rehab but I won't support her habit.
Every time, I struggle with the idea of leaving her often but so far it hasn't happened. She is always grateful that I stay after the episode has passed.
Needless to say, it's very hard on the relationship but we don't really choose whom we love.
You probably can't rationalize a lot of other complex types of things, and that sir, makes you uninteresting.
trus,and respect for each other! Of course having a open mind about sex in this case would be quite helpful also!
is boundaries.
1. As with other relationships, the minute one partner begins lying in major ways the relationship is toast.
2. She can't fall for her clients. That would lead me to dump my SO instantly. One guy above mentioned that he had an issue with his provider SO falling in love with a woman. I agree with him. As a SO, you're accepting an alternate definition of love but it has it's limits. IMHO, you can't really be in love with more that one person. It also usu involves rule #1.
3. Quid pro quo. I actually would be happy just being with my SO most of the time (shit you not, she's the sexual bomb for me). But when she is in her providing phase, I see other people to "even the score," or else I would harbor resentment. Lol- there's a net neutral to negative (ha) cash flow effect for the household.
Great article! Thanks for posting it.
there is a double standard until the ter client and the provider actually elope and leave the hobby together
and burn all ties in commitment together. it's about the special one, the "one you love" etc. or rather fall in love with.
As for me, now I would rather not be with a provider who has a SO. If i hear news of such,
it greatly diminishes my comfort level. ATF, ex-atf , it's all a double standard. drives one mad
I had a multi year relationship with a provider that went far beyond business. She always kept me safely distant during her relationships, dismissing or explaining me as an Uncle figure. It worked well for years till she admitted our affair to her most recent boyfriend. By then he knew my name, place of business and being somewhat of a public citizen, the rest was easy to google.
This is when he started calling my business with threats of exposing me, posted info on a website accusing me and went so far as threatening to tell my teenagers through facebook.
Needless to say, I cut all ties to this young lady. Loose lips do sink ships.
The ironic part is in a fit of drunkenness outed her real job to him. He is a Civilian, now trying to change her ways which she assures him she has, only can't account for her time, as she doesn't have a job...good luck with that.