Even clubs within the same area can be very different from one another, and it isn't always obvious just from looking at a club's website. Some are more alternative than others, while some are more for soft-swing, and others just tend to draw better looking crowds. So do your homework to be sure you're not walking into a mostly AARP-member, BDSM crowd.... not that there's anything wrong with that!
Join a swinger site or two and start there. Lots of helpful folks who will give you information about any club or party you're considering.
Be warned: the swinger community, just like the rest of society, can be very judgmental regarding escorts. If you get involved in the "lifestyle" and start making friends, it probably won't take long for you to be outed because a LOT of swingers (especially the single guys) browse escort sites. Then the rumor mill will take over and everyone will know.
So if you do decide that the swinging scene is for you, honesty is probably your best bet. But be prepared to get rejected because of that.
And yes, it's usually the women who are worse about it than the men, but not always. One couple I knew, and eventually told, went that way. She was totally cool with it, but he didn't want anything to do with me after that.
So she and I just had some fun girl/girl time without him!
Good luck!!!!
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