BDSM

Your opinion, please - a long post
MissErinBlack See my TER Reviews 706 reads
posted
1 / 5

...a lot of times fantasies get projected by those that need them fulfilled onto the nearest person who might be able to. In this case, it happened to be you.  Believe me, you can be crystal clear as daylight with your limits and boundaries, but that doesn't mean that someone won't superimpose their wants and desires and prioritize their needs over yours.  

It is absolutely NOT your job to decipher and intuit that he needs to relinquish full control to you and be tortured by you.  Absolutely not.  That's not something you guess, that's something someone negotiates with you pre-session.  And since you don't advertise domination services, why would he assume that you would be able to even fulfill that need? No one except him can truly know that; his anger and frustration was clearly misplaced with you.  Not to mention, if you had attempted to fulfill his desires, you probably wouldn't have done so well and that could have impacted you and your future business negatively.  It's a good thing you stuck to your guns.

I can speak to his frustrations a bit; I'm a switch by nature, but I'm far more dominant than i am submissive. I do need the catharsis that comes with being submissive (and from the scenario you explained that seems to be what he truly needed), but only my closest, longest-running play partner can intuit when I need that.  Even then, just to be clear, I always make it very known and very clear when i do require that type of play.  It's not fair of me to have him guess, and that just leaves people feeling misguided and disappointed.  

I'm sorry that you had this experience; it can and does happen from time to time, but experiences like this can be mitigated by asking really specific questions.  Those questions pertain to aspects of BDSM though, and because you don't advertise that as a service, I wouldn't think you'd need to know them. Ultimately though, the onus of responsibility falls with him; he had a desire that he needed fulfilled, knew that you couldn't offer that but booked with you anyway, and never communicated that need to you.  it's just sticky.

I hope things get better for you!

mrfisher 108 Reviews 487 reads
posted
2 / 5

I'm no shrink, but this guy sounds fruit-loops to me and he could even be dangerous.

Check with his references if he had any and see if they report the same kind of BS.

He seems to come on as a sub, but really he is the one being controlling by laying guilt trips on you, and then switching back and forth like some kind of Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde.  It's a super macho head game is all that is.

I would cut him off pronto.

One thing I know, a real dom BDSM gal would have shown him the door tout suite if he ever started that crap with them.  That's why he's trying it out on a nice GFE gal like you.

It's really disgusting.

WEDAZ 1 Reviews 534 reads
posted
3 / 5

Agree with Mr. Fisher!

A provider I know and with whom have dabbled in light S&M shared an experience with me that had somewhat of a parallel. He tried to gain control by trying to impose emotional manipulation, via threat and guilt trip but my friend is smart and strong enough to resist but once he realized she couldn't be manipulated he tried to be verbally abisuve via phone and email, then tried to sabotage her on another board.  Ultimately because of her stellar reputation she moved on.  The problem was that it took a significant emotional toll.

LeChiffre 3 Reviews 413 reads
posted
4 / 5

Excellent feedback from MissErinBlack.

I would just add the old saying "Failure to plan on your part does not constitute an emergency on my part."  Also, as many a dominatrix says, "I'm a Domme, not a mind-reader."

It is wildly unrealistic and unethical of him to have tried to force a BDSM session from you when you don't advertise those services, and, even if you were "game" at the time, to try to proceed without a thorough pre-negotiation before playing.

This guy needs a therapist.  BDSM can be therapeutic at times, but it is no substitute for actual help from a psychologist

CassieSutton 405 reads
posted
5 / 5

Was thinking the same thing. Never trust another man with your life or business. You might have thought he was a sweetheart, but the sweet ones are the only types to get close enough to mess you up.

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