Ok I could has sworn there was a post here a few days ago from a provider with some helpful hints for hobbyists. Someone posted a thank you, it was a very innocuous post, I don't know why it would be taken down, and I had a question that related, so I'll just ask as a new thread.
The post said "we are not mind readers, if you want to ask for something special don't wait until the start of the session, put it in an email".
Now I get afraid to ask about specific services through email, I guess because most web site say that is bad etiquette, and cause for termination of communication. I don't even like asking via email with ladies I've already seen; I'm afraid that email "documents" something we don't want documented. I've been able to get up the stones to request certain attire, but I still get nervous about it.
So my question is:
At what point is it OK to ask for clarification on personal time activities? Is there a point when references are cleared that you can "open up".
My concern is I am a respectful hobbyist, but I get into some kinky shit, and sometimes in my writing I can get rather graphic, and I don't like using the ABCDE acronyms.
Is it really OK to spell out what I like in private time via email?
-- Modified on 4/27/2012 1:22:57 PM
I think It's a great question. The last thing I would want to do is to cause alarm or distrust, however, having been in the hobby for a bit, I have some requests that while I don't think are way outta line, but might need some pre-planning/packing for the lady.... Also, since I am a pleaser by nature, I want to make sure that multiple pleasantries for the ladies would be acceptable.... too much???
steve
the answers will vary depending on the lady.Some have no problem with discussing your interests after screening and some might not be comfortable with discussing it at all in an email.
I see no harm in discussing your personal activities with a provider who you have seen before and are comfortable with.First time visitors after screening he or I might mention a specific dress attire or a costume he would like me to bring.I find nothing wrong with this.
A reason for providers putting that type of disclaimer on their websites or ads is because there are many guys who will not provide any screening info but want to immediately go into what they want.Big No-No!
If a guy is screened already and you have questions or specific fetishes you would like to indulge in I think it is handled on a case by case basis.Some guys might get a response and some might not it is all in the approach.
Just my .02
I think you're referring to this post in the San Diego board by Arden Moone on 04/26.
As stated, each lady has her own rules. The post mentioned on the SD board is helpful to an extent. Not positive, but I ASSume you are referring to BCD activities and not what they will be wearing. It's a slippery slope. In general, you can pretty much get an idea of the gal's persona BCD by reading a fair number of her posted reviews. You can also PM a reviewer of the lady you're interested in and see if they can provide some input.
That being said, in my moment of Zen I can't help ponder the proverbial question..........
"Doesn't anybody just fuck anymore??" 
Once you have filled out my secure contact / appt form via my site and your refs have checked out ok, then i welcome people to speak very frankly about their wants and needs. Otherwise things happen like when someone wanted full fetish and said nothing until i got there and I had brought no fetish gear and was prepared for full GFE. I really do appreciate when you tell me what type of LaRue time you would like to have.
Always,
LaRue McCay
xoxo
OK I have to admit IshootCraps has had some really good posts. So nothing personal but....
So you want to know at what point can you feel comfortable crossing the line of incriminating vs informative. I get it really I do. I wouldn't want to spend money on something that was not exactly what I wanted.
So you book your appointment, you get screened in the good old fashioned TER demanded way "hey hun I am a good guy. Look at all my reviews and whitelists, you don't need to know anything more than that. After all, I don't know your personal information and really I never give mine out" DISCLAIMER: I have no Idea what IshootCraps does for screening not using him as an example.
So now your screened and before you have ever met the companion you want to make sure your going to be able to get your kink on. " Reagan, whats your favorite wine, cause after we drink it I want to know if you will pee in the bottle for me ". " Ohhh and by the way can you bring your strap on, its not for me I just want to see you in it " " Ohhhh and while we are at it, since I am paying you for your time, while I have my penis in your mouth, would you mind if my pet Monkey sits in the corner and masturbates with raw veggies while I yell obscenities at him from across the room"?
I dont think there is a single companion who feels bad saying no thank you to some fetish she is just not into. And you shouldn't feel one bit upset if she does say no. You have no clue some of the things we get asked once a client feels comfortable. But I have to say that if anything comes up that even suggests we will be doing anything other than spending an enjoyable time together BEFORE we even meet, we wont be meeting.
I dont think its fair, I don't like it, I wish there were a safe, sane and reasonable way to get your desires out in the open. But in todays climate there just is not. I feel your pain.
Leave the Monkey at home BTW... Just my .02 cents
Good Morning Lan,
A few comments...
"she uses an extreme case to make the point." Yes its extreme, but none the less its applicable. The degree of breaking the law bears little merit in the eyes of the court. It may influence the depth of the punishment but but rarely does it differentiate between guilty and not guilty.
"Providers don't want to get busted Hobbyists don't want to get outed" So very true. But Providers don't want to get outed either. Nor do they want to get beaten, scammed, shorted, threatened, blackmailed or any of those nefarious things. They don't want their time wasted as well I might add. And without a doubt you would feel the same way. Companions screen for multiple reasons, and the depth to which they screen is fundamentally a personal choice. Some screen lightly, some screen deeply and some don't screen at all. The methodology and reasons behind their screening are what they are comfortable with. Being comfortable enough to meet with someone, does not always equate being comfortable enough to discuss intimate issues.
There is another important aspect that really has not been discussed. The sense of familiarity via the community. A companion can establish a level of comfort via the interaction they have on this board. So the level of comfort for a TER member who posts regularly and interacts regularly on the boards can be a positive factor. The same with the companion. However that means that both parties need to be actual board participants. That they run into each other here and there and exchange or at least participate in the exchange of opinions. This can help bring that level of anxiety to lower level. Since you are an active participant, your level of familiarity could be significantly different than a hobbyist who contacted a provider that does not even participate on the boards.
All things being equal the answer to the OP's question lies in the individual and their comfort levels. This is a position that is taken by the provider and not written in the provider handbook. So you will find various answers as is evident by the replies above and below. In the end conversations with a person you really have never met should be chosen carefully.
I have to say that you are correct in starting with "a PHONE call that evolves into "do you mind if I'm a bit explicit for a minute" is positively received 100% of the time." This is a subtle position that allows the provider the option of multiple replies, from get that Monkey away from me, to wait a minute while I get some lube.
Finally these are just my opinions. I cant speak for other providers. We are all different. Which is why you build your bucket list and pick from the buffet of beautiful and fun providers available to you.
Take care, time to head to Vegas
First of all - I think this is a great topic and an interesting thread. Reagan makes some great points about the crossover between entertaining and incriminating. BUT (and this is a big but), she uses an extreme case to make the point. Yes, I am whitelisted with reviews and references, but I don't verify by doing what is described as the "old fashioned TER demanded way".
Why ?
First of all, I do mostly outcalls to my home.
Second, I have no problem with the provider knowing my true identity (hell if you know where I live it's a 10 second search to know who I am).
Third, I don't have a wife/SO in the other room that I'm hiding this activity from - which leads to the interesting formula on security:
Providers don't want to get busted
Hobbyists don't want to get outed
But face it - if the provider is busted and you've seen her - as a hobbyist you are at risk of being busted (and subsequently outed). All the security in the world (throw-away phones anonymous email addy's) is NOT protection if the morality thugs are determined to get you (IP addresses are facts and facts are stubborn things). As a hobbyist, you left a trail the second you made your first nervous inquiry to a provider.
So to the topic at hand - my experience is once a provider has verified me and knows who I am, where I live, and when we're meeting, a PHONE call that evolves into "do you mind if I'm a bit explicit for a minute" is positively received 100% of the time. As with all things YMMV - and I am in no way discounting Reagan's (very valid) concerns.
And if, I ever have the conversation and the provider says "no, I'm really not comfortable with that right now" - I can always keep it non-incriminating by simply asking her to swing by the store on her way over and pick up some vegetables (for a snack) and some wine in a bottle with a very wide lip, and 2 straws (oops did I give something away with that one ?)
I have had so many PM's from hobbyists who (when seeing someone I've seen) tell me how different their experience was from mine (as gleaned from reviews). Since I never embellish my reviews (in fact they are usually understated), I always ask them the same question and the answer is always the same.
Did you ASK her to do that for you ?
UH, NO.
As the other thread pointed out - we (especially the young and inexperienced) hobbyists expect the providers to be Wonder Woman, Fantasy Girl, Perfect Girlfriend with no Drama, Porn Star du jour, and the Girl with Something Extra (ESP) all within the first minute, of the first hour, of the first date. I can't even imagine how most of you ladies do it, let alone do it so well. For me, I at least try and arm my providers with as much information as they are comfortable with so that we both have a relatively good time.
My final thought:
WHICH OF YOU SCUMBAGS SPILLED THE BEANS ABOUT MY MONKEY TO REAGAN ?
Thank you for your post, Reagan! Not only did you make your point well, but I haven't laughed so hard in months! I can't think of anything I like better than a beautiful girl with a great sense of humor! Thanks again!
T.L.
I think the consensus is that if a lady advertises "fetish friendly" on her web site or in her ads it is permissible, and maybe recommended, that you clarify your particular fetish interest "after" you are screened, but before the session, with at least enough time to prepare. Of course, always be polite and respectful, and asks permission to get explicit before doing so. With GFE providers, maybe not so much, it's like calling a Ford dealership and asking them about Toyotas.
And thank you Reagan for your humor, I laughed out loud. I promise if we ever meet I'll leave the monkey at home (I hate spanking him in public), I'll bring a funnel for the wine bottle, and if I ask you to bring a strap-on you can do more than "just show me how you look in it." (Although feel free to send me a picture)