"If you think you're having a bad day, remember there is Mr. Pelosi."

it must be tough going to sleep next to someone who looks like a spider monkey.

I can think of worse things though. Going to sleep next to Barbara Bush, for example.

The former first lady (who, for someone who will be 87 next month doesn't look so bad, lol) or the former First Daughter?

You gotta learn to be more specific willy.  I'm surprised you don't have a graph to compare Mrs. Pelosi with the others . . . . .

...but as the former first lady goes, she looks like she's been 87 for the last 40 years. I hear in her spare time she drinks blood and collects mosquitos to feed baby bats.

Related Link: the best political joke EVER.