Hi, I'm a fairly new provider, but just wanted to ask the boards opinion about dinner dates. If a potential client asks to have a casual meeting for drinks/dinner/etc, is it rude for me to refer them to the FAQ page on my website, where I very bluntly state that I still expect my usual gift for the time during dinner?

Personally, I feel my policy is fair, and have seen other providers advertise the same policy, but I just wanted to get a bit more insight as I learn more about this hobby.

-Abigail Durant

Respond like this:

"I would love to meet you for drinks/dinner/etc! Just be sure to choose a meeting that includes enough time to enjoy each other's company in that way. I suggest a 4-hour meeting, which will allow us to enjoy a nice leisurely dinner and dessert before we adjourn for one-on-one time. "

One of my BIGGEST pet peeves is that some men don't understand the concept of escorting: You are paying for my TIME, not activities we might choose to do in that TIME. Whether we romp like kangaroos on the comforter, play a fun game of Chinese checkers, or hike up the nearest mountain has no bearing on the cost of my TIME. (Except that if we go to dinner, or incur some other expense, it's on you.)

I know some ladies offer different rates for public time and private time. But it doesn't make any sense to me. My time is my time, and I am selling nothing else.

I reply in a similar way, but have started to get enough rude emails that made me wonder if I was doing something wrong.

Abigail,

I've been hobbying for a long while and I can share a few things about this topic.

Many guys (myself included) will do some searching on TER for ladies near our location. Once we narrow down the search to 2 ladies.

We contact them by TER's PM asking to make arrangements.

Then we get a response back, then we start inquiring about more exact types of meetings, rates and so on.

Now, notice, not once have WE visited your website, so that means we have NO idea if you or other providers have more detailed information about rates and other specifics.

It's not UNTIL you let us know that you have the answers to our questions / inquiries on your website, then we would be able to go there and check out the information.

I'm a computer geek, so it's not an issue for me to check out your website, however, there may be some guys that can't do it right away due to being at work or it's hard for them to do it at home due to family things.

Then, you may have a few guys that are just plain jerks and will blast you because you are directing them to your website and feel that if you can't take the time to answer the questions / inquiries, then they will feel that if you can't take the time, then why boither with her? That kind of thinking does prevail with some guys... not me, though.

It has NOTHING to do with your policy per se, it has to do with how you respond to the guy's question / inquiry can make or break the "deal" for you.

I'd go along with Sarah's suggestion and modify it to fit your needs. If the guy is able to go to your website, all is good.

However, if for some reason the guy can't do it, then be prepared to give info to the guy. I'd recommend that if you notice that the same question is being asked over and over... go ahead and create a Notepad, Wordpad or Word document, save it.

Then the next time that question gets asked... cut and paste your reply from the document. That's a time-saver.

Let me know if you need further assistance. PM me.

Serpius


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Thanks so much everyone! I have updated my sites info to state that I am always willing to meet for coffee off the clock (which has always been true), but anything longer will require you to email me with your plans so we can determine the right package for you.

Also, my biggest pet peeve is when someone doesn't read my website before attempting to confirm a date. If someone wants to email or call me to get a feel for me that's awesome! This is great for clients who have notoriously last minute schedules, as I can begin to verify them.

No potential client should assume that dinner or drinks are off the clock or at some sort of reduced rate.  Simply referring them to your site leaves no question. Now, are some guys going to find this rude? Inevitably some will but it will be the ones who didn't plan on paying you for the non-sexual time to begin with so it's no great loss...

Huge mistake.  Even offering 30 minute meetings will be abused if you let it especially when you are new.  

Just reply politely you would be glad to meet at your regular donation.  After all it is the time we see you for.

And I respect everyone's POV.

I was speaking to a provider I've never seen before. Since she doesn't know me, and since I like to keep my contact with other providers confidential if possible, she suggested we meet for dinner before we planned any other activities. I asked her if I should expect her standard rate for dinner, but she told me no. Her quote was "I don't see any reason to quote you a rate if you're taking me to a nice dinner, all I would ask is that you might provide a small gift that would cover my gas. I never expect to quote a rate for meeting a new friend who I might be able to establish a long-term friendship with".

From my perspective, I like that approach. If we're only doing dinner, I appreciate the fact that there's a premium attached to more private sorts of meetings. Plus, if we don't hit it off, there's no real expense on my part.

It should be noted that this provider is not in my town (Tampa) but I would have to drive a reasonable distance to meet.

Now, by the same token, I completely understand and appreciate SoftlySarah's advice on the matter. There's nothing wrong with you assessing your time the same, regardless of the activity involved. From the client's perspective, however, not being assessed a full rate for an initial dinner meeting seems like a nice gesture from the provider, which already gives that provider a competitive advantage. Ultimately it doesn't make or break a deal either way, IMO.

Best of luck in your new venture.

(which you say you have also done) are both okay ways to handle the questions. As far as rude emails, the way to handle those is to "delete and ignore."

both points of view.
One of my first hobby experiences was with a provider who insisted that the first date start with off the clock drinks in a nearby bar in order to meet each other and insure mutual compatibility. It was a lovely way to meet and led to a very special first ( there were subsequently others with this same woman ) BCD experience.
By the same token, I understand Sarah's point of view which emphasizes the "value" of your time, irrespective of the activity. Chose what works best for you and good luck!

During screening or at some point in initial discussions I have had more than one provider offer to meet me for a drink or bite, no charge. That is quite different from scheduling a date and expecting the lady to give you the public time for free.

Personally, I rarely pay for public time, but I also rarely get it, and that is okay. If a woman wants to spend some time with me over dinner, or doing something that would be a treat for her, I am happy to treat her to it, but I do not also pay for her time. That does not mean I disagree with a lady requiring payment, I just choose to skip the public time as the value does not equal the cost for me. I have no illusion about the nature of our arrangement, and no issues with it.

There are lots of potential disconnects on this topic, starting with the fact that the lady is selling her time (yes, really) but most guys are paying to have sex with her. Then you run into the whole GFE paradox, where the guy is seeing the lady because she has so convinced him that she likes him that he cannot understand why she does not just want to spend more time with him, as he does with her. Yes, ladies, we get confused about that.

Anyway, some ladies do offer OTC social time fairly freely to regular clients, and others not at all. There is nothing wrong with explaining to a guy that you charge X for a dinner date. I used to push the issue from time to time, and got one or two OTC dinners that I would not have gotten if I was not insistent. It was not worth it. I know it is a cliche around here, but it is never worth it to have the lady thinking about how much she is being paid while you are together.

So just be clear about what you want to have dinner with him, no need to beat around the bush, and if he gives you attitude about it, you can decide how you want to go from there. I would just say something like, "Look, this is fun, but it is also a job, and I do not give away my time upon request. Period. Sorry." Then you either never see him again, or he gets it and proceeds accordingly. I am assuming this is someone you have seen before, if not just do not reply to him any more.

Sounds a little like a newbie hobbyist and a newbie provider. And if the hobbyist is not a newbie, he is a weasel who values the $$$s more than the experience. Because, as almost every provider has told me sooner or later, a lady has to be comfortable about what you are paying if you want to have a good time. Which is absolutely true.

zig

there is a difference between a screening get-together and an OTC get-together. In the old days I did meet a couple clients in person to screen them. Now it is easier to do it online, but if there is a discretion issue (I once met an NFL football player that way) then I am usually happy to oblige.

and I would recommend all newbies to always read a providers website, if a provider has one,  carefully BEFORE you contact them. I NEVER inquire about meetings and rates, if all that's info is on the site. I also read whatever reviews are available before I contact a provider.

If you look closely Abigail has her profile linked to her handle. The minute you click on the link to the profile you can see she has a website. And if you did a google search of her cell# or email addy you would get the website as well.

Finally never discuss "exact types of meeting, rates, and so on" if you have all of this info on your website.  Simply refer them to your site. If they continue to "blast" you with emails simply ignore them.

Serpius, aren't you the same hobbyist who stated on the GD you always pay the provider at the end of the session, and then were flamed by numerous hobbyists and escorts.



-- Modified on 6/19/2012 5:22:07 AM

Serpius, YOU may not look at a lady's website first, but that's not how most guys do it.

Most guys DO look at the website, pics & rates before they contact a provider.

END OF MESSAGE

You might find that you will get many "time wasters" wanting to meet for coffee and such.

FWIW I would not ask any gal that I haven't seen (and more than just a time or two) to offer me any OTC time.

Good luck however you go about this.

I can't see any good reason for you to advertise OTC time for coffee on your website.   There is no reason you can't do it for those clients you choose to.  However, if you don't state it on your website, then it becomes totally at your discretion, as it should be.   And the guys think they are getting something special, which in fact they are.  I think that is a better marketing strategy.

Trust me on this, it's a headache to offer OTC time at the gate. I gift extra time, and discounts to men who don't feel entitled to it. At least offer a "meet & greet" package. To keep things in perspective, ALWAYS have some form of payment. This is p4p not a dating site.

You are setting yourself up for time-wasters and bs. Only give off the clock time to gentlemen you have already seen and they have earned it. Sorry to sound so mean but, your time is to be paid for, period.

Thanks CPA for bringing up the obvious.

I would say correct, unless you are unable to screen them without a meeting first.

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If that's statement WAS true...

Then why are the providers still keep on getting questions that they have the answers in the website?

Explain that one to me.

Serpius


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Exactly right, and I never meant to imply that a provider should provide OTC time after a friendship has been established, unless she particularly fancies sharing that experience with her client for her own personal reasons.

I do feel, however, that not requiring a rate for an initial get-to-know-you dinner is not ridiculously out of the ordinary. A proper gentleman, though, should offer to pay the normal rate for that first meeting and allow the lady to decide if she wishes to waive the rate. And if she does, then the proper gentleman should also be sure to not only supply her with a nice dinner, but also a token of his appreciation as well for her effort.

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Re-read my post again.

I don't need to explain myself over and over.

I've already explained and answered your question in my post.

Serpius

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want to speak for yourself.Why would you look up a provider here on TER and she has a website and not utilize the info that is on her website?I am all for making it easy as possible for me and the gent that is why I have a website that answers most general questions he may have.Majority of the time the ones who are asking all of these questions by pm are going to be timewasters or miraculously have to cancel right before the date.Or those are the guys who cannot understand why they are not getting a response asking all of these specific questions through TER pm.

Serpius I do not think you should speak for the majority of guys on how they do things everyone is different.You have already mentioned in other posts you do not pay a provider until the end of the appt which is not how MOST guys handle their business.Guys will read a providers website and find out rates,what type of packages she offers,what are her requirements to set up an appt.Some providers do not check their TER pm's regularly so why send a pm here to set up an appointment when you could use her email or website?A sure fire way to not get a response is to ask about rates when a provider has a website/ad that will give you that info.

To the OP as far as guys asking for dinner off the clock let them know that you are getting paid for your time.If you decide to do an off the clock dinner/cocktails/coffee etc.that is your choice but a gent should not be asking for free time.

-- Modified on 6/19/2012 7:44:54 PM

Again...

Re-read my post and I have already answered your question in my post.

I don't need to repeat myself over and over.

Serpius

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In my case, an online screening is probably difficult. While I am happy to provide copies of my ID and other things requested, P411 has been unable to verify me so far because I own my own business. They cannot call my employer's telephone number to verify that I work there.

So it has been a little frustrating. I may have to attempt to acquire two P411 provider references if those providers will accept me without first being cleared by P411. So that would probably mean a screening dinner first, which I have no problem with whatsoever.

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There are many gals who have "dinner only" rates...which are substantially different than their "escort" rates.

And your definition of a "proper gentleman" is just your own opinion.  Show up on time, drop off the gift, and be clean.  And most will consider YOU a "proper gentleman".  But if YOU want to determine what a gal will charge because YOU don't want to pay for a dinner...not a "proper gentleman".  The gals call that "time waster".

Get with the program fax...plenty of options out there.  Find a gal that you like...go see her...write a review or two.

And if all you want is a gal to take to dinner, there's plenty of options there as well.

PM me if you want to see a gals website that specifically has this "dinner only" option.

Many many hobbyists are P411 approved and "own their own businesses".

JayDalee,

If that's statement WAS true...

Then why are the providers like yourself still keep on getting questions that you have the answers on your website?

Explain that one to me.

Serpius


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I give plenty of free time to special guys but it's at my discretion and not when asked for. I can only imagine the responses if a lady asked to reduce her time with him but still get the same donation. Time is time, for her it's money,for him it's bcd time...common denominator..time in exchange for something of value.

Very seldom do I get questions about rates and when I do I do not respond.
I let them know all info is on my website if they are serious they will send the required info.
Of course,there will always be timewasters and people who do not want to do the research those are the ones who wind up having issues.The guys who preview a providers website read her info he knows her likes/dislikes.He also knows all rate info and what she offers and how she prefers to be contacted.
Again,back to my original statement guys who do not do this are the ones complaining on the boards about not getting a response from providers or having more difficulty than the ones who took the time to research.
If you do not want to look at a providers website or any other guy that is his choice if it works for you  guys the way you stated great!

or only look at the pictures on the website. C'mon this is really easy!

Please re-read my post. As I stated, it should be the provider's preference how the initial screening dinner meeting should be handled. A proper gentleman will respect the lady's preference.

Either way, I don't see myself writing any reviews. And thanks for the PM offer, but I will respectfully decline your generous offer.

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I'm trying. P411 wanted my DBA or LLC paperwork, but I have neither since I don't use a DBA and I've not incorporated. I'm working with Michelle now to see if she can use some alternative means, however she informed me that they will not contact third parties to verify my business.

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