-- Modified on 11/14/2008 4:42:06 PM
Since we seem to be dealing with guilt in some of the other posts, do we love our spouses and family less if we hobby? Or is it simply a necessary aspect that we (ourselves and society) should just accept?
Dear acurioislad,
It is my belief that hobbyists ON THIS BOARD love their spouses and their families and still manage to hobby. But, as to the demographics of those who will answer your question: they are different than if you asked the question on, say, Sunset Blvd in Hollywood at 4am or down by the Bowery near a crackhouse.
A MAJORITY (not all!) of the men who frequent this board regularly are college-educated, white or Asian, are currently, or have been married or otherwise long-term partnered at some point in their lives, are aged 30+ (my educated guess is the average age on this particular board is 45) and are reflective in nature....otherwise they wouldn't be regulars on the Erotic Highway.
So the answer you will MOST LIKELY get is that yes, hobbyists love their spouses and families but that it does not necessarily have to do with their needs to hobby.
Is it a necessary aspect? Well, clearly for some it is. I really feel for some of these guys. I don't know what it's like having so much testosterone coursing through my brain 24/7, but if I did, I can guarantee you that I'd be exceedingly frustrated if I couldn't stick my penis in all sorts of places. [I'd be one of those masturbators who'd jack himself off to death in his teens, LOL.] So I have sympathy for horny guys who lie in bed next to their wives and just don't get any. What's a guy to do? It's very sad, this disparity in drives. It causes some people to go nuts, quite frankly. Others find mistresses and go on to become serial monogamists. And others who do love their spouses and families and who don't have the heart to cause upheaval in their family's life find TER. And this board.
Ergo,
the Love Goddess
...and there are many different reasons. In simple terms, I don't think wanting NSA sex with a stranger has to mean you love your wife and kids any less than if you don't. That being said, there are also many who hobby because they no longer have an emotional connection with their spouse to begin with. Do they have even LESS of a connection if they hobby? I've been trying to figure this out for years...but it isn't stopping me.
Be careful how you use the word "society" in this case. Deep down inside, a lot of people accept things that society in general never will. I think there is a big difference in what many men and women will know to be true privately and what you will hear talked about in general company or in the media.
As the ones who sell sex and the ones who buy it we as customers and providers share a certain reality and view on morality and sexuality that most outsiders would never understand.
-- Modified on 11/14/2008 4:42:06 PM
with sexual and intimacy frustration. I can hardly masturbate successfully because I get so pissed off that I have to do that. With a lady..no problem performing.
When you can't get it at home you must get it elsewhere or go crazy. As LG says.
She is right as usual. Damn..wish I could get he to be wrong just once!
Hey LG: I seem to have a slight gear whine at 4500 rpm in 5th..only. Do you think the lash is set right on the pinion?
In my best Brooklynese, I've got one answa fo ya:the end-play on the pinion is off and the pinion angle off by some minor degree..... It may not be much but it's off. The whine comes from gear lash and if your hearing a "Clunk" too, the pinion angle is off.
She sees through it all...mwahahaaa,
Love Goddess
a lady that knows ALL about sex and nookie AND cars! You must be mine!!!!
My hobbying has helped me see my SO more clearly and understand better that no one person can be everything for another person. She's a terrific mother, actually likes housework, smart, well-educated, good cook, fun to be with. She's just not very good at sex. It's not that she doesn't like it and is unwilling to engage. She's just not very good at it and sometimes I really want to have sex with someone who is very good at it, including the emotional engagement part.
That doesn't mean i love my wife less any more that it would if she were not very good at bowling and I occasionally wanted to bowl with a better partner. I'd want to bowl with a partner with whom i could laugh and talk about life, too.
-- Modified on 4/20/2008 4:36:03 PM
This is my life (except for the part of cooking and housework, she don't like, but does it...we split those duties...)exactly, and also my outlook.
I just had this conversation with a provider today. I was faithful to my wife for 10 years. I had many opportunities to have an affair, but did not, and as a result became bitter.
Since I started hobbing (2 yrs), I have gotten better sexual stamina, and more confidence in and out of bed. My wife does not have as much sexual desire as I have, but now I "give it to her" better than I ever did before. She likes it, but has no idea where it comes from. I exercise a lot, so she thinks it comes from that.
I sometimes get guilty, but overall hobbing has been more beneficial than detrimental. Yes I love my wife, and now things are much better (for me). A female friend once pointed out to me that my wife would not agree with that last statement.
That is so true. I recently posted how this hobby helped my marriage. I had unfulfilled fantasies that she was not comfortable doing. Nothing kinky, she is just into basic sexual intercourse and nothing else. I jerked off to porn that was specific to my fantasies for decades while harboring resentment to my wife that was causing us to endlessly fight. As soon as I had my first encounter and lived my fantasy, the resentment went away and now we are like newlyweds. To get maximum response from the providers, I also trimmed my jungle of fir so that I am well groomed. I feel better, she loves it and the providers really appreciate it and are more comfortable to take my excitement to even greater levels when they don't have to worry about constantly getting a mouth full of fir. I no longer jerk off because I have an outlet for my testosterone that is real instead of fake. Jerking off is OK but not very satisfying while living the real thing puts you into a higher state of reality. I have been hobbying such a short time but it has changed my life. I even lost 5 pounds while doing it (maybe a pound of that was the fir I removed). The providers are all such special people and I love being with every one so far. Anxiety levels are way down too. Before meeting up with a provider, I am filled with excitement and anticipation which is a whole different animal.