A provider conundrum...

I've gotten myself into a rather unique situation for a newly-become-hobbyist, and thought I'd ask here how to manage it properly.

While hobbyists are free to chime in, I am mainly looking from the provider standpoint, and thus, turn to the wisdom of those providers here and The Love Goddess for direction in this sordid or rather interesting situation.

Now, this long and interesting tale is told only briefly here, but is of course, more available upon request.

Some months ago, I began the hobby with a nice, highly-reviewed lady in my area, who was a very nice first provider. At the end of my visit, she informed me she was moving back to her home town for a short while, but would be returning. I asked for a referral to another provider, should the opportunity arise.

I was referred to another highly-reviewed provider in my locale, who apparently was assisted by the same person (lady) who aided my first provider with scheduling and advertisement, as well as some transportive duties.

Now, the tale becomes interesting. I was merely a paying client for two appointments, and we did genuinely "hit it off" as it were. I ultimately planned for an overnight with the second young lady, which ultimately came to fruition.

In the interim, however, the lady in question asked some advances of me, and being the gentleman that I was (and knowing that the scheduler would ensure she did, in fact, keep the appointment so paid), I did no refused and transferred most of the fee for the overnight to her.

Aha! You say, this is the crux of the matter! She fled! No, the tale is not that simple. She kept the appointment, and it was very enjoyable. We even did another after this, so much I enjoyed her company.

My original provider even asked me for some funds to fly back to Florida, to begin her life anew, and begin college. I of course, being the caring sort, acquiesced and sent it, never expecting payment, as this phase of her (rather young, I suppose) life was over and she went on to college without contacting me again.

Then began my adventure into an interesting realm, for, you see, the "arranger of dates" passed away suddenly, very suddenly, leaving the current lady a damsel-in-distress, as she was not able to manage the "technical" side of her business, such as placing adverts in various locales, verify clients (as she works only on referenced clients) and so forth.

I discovered the real expenses in managing as an independent are primarily twofold - transportation and advertisement. She had her transport worked out, of a sorts, but without a credit card, I dealt with the advertisement costs, which come to two or three visits' worth per month, actually, to a mid-range provider.

Not to mention that, in the interim between appointments, she did need some monetary support on two occasions, perhaps equating to an hours' appointment or so, and then the numerous phonecalls (my cell minutes jumped from 300 to 1500 the first month assisting her).

I have, in my short time aiding her, come to see the tremendous amount of work in getting her appointments set, verified and executed.

I suppose the exchange was to be expected, we managed three appointments for myself during this time.

The problem comes in now, later in the relationship, wherein she has repeatedly hounded me for an "hours count" for the services rendered (which included creating adverts, managing her website and e-mail traffic and so forth). I provided this, but she did not see that so much time had been spent on this endeavor, and I was not religious at logging time spent on websites, answering e-mails, calling her for appointments, directions, speaking or e-mailing other providers for references, etc.

She can be... vindictive when upset. Thus, as she is my only "reference" in a hobby I hope to enjoy further before I retire... I also feel that asking for fair exchange for time spent (whether money or services) would create a bad situation and has, in fact, been rebuffed on an occasion.

I'm just a nice guy, like to help people out, and I believe I got in over my head waaaay too fast. I've discussed that matter with her of course, but while she placates me with words, I see no exchange coming forth - the last time she paid me in any form was about a month ago.

I suppose I had my awakening when I asked for an appointment, with me paying, and was quoted full rate. I understand this, but handling her e-mail, I know she offered many reduced rates when she was in need of appointments, as she is now due to a slump.

I don't care about past expenses, but I know I can't keep up with the advertisements... and also enjoy the hobby with her or another.

Interesting conundrum. I think half of the problem is I care too much, and don't want to upset her by saying "I quit", but as of late, I've been putting far too much into this (even to the point of some financial difficulties on my side) for a lack of return.

For hobbyists who read this and think "wow! cool! He's living the life!" I can only say this: Know what you're getting into before you think of it as glamorous.

This is an illegal activity in most areas, and it does have stresses associated with it which (even with or without a significant other to complicate matters) are certainly NOT enjoyable.

I will certainly GLADLY pay tips to a provider now, knowing what they go through. And be much more understanding if they have troubles making an appointment.