Kiss your family and your extra cash for hobbying goodbye. Since you are not in a community property state, with a good lawyer, you might get out of the marriage with more than your shirt.

It's not the bank account so much as the computer you may be careless about. Get a public e-mail ID (not your ISP)and be sure to have your bank statements e-mailed to you so that you can encrypt them once you've seen them... you also need a program such as 'Eraser' to cover your computer trail. Before that, kill all cookie access to your PC for sites you visit etc... then hobby like it's 1999. I have found if you keep noodling about getting caught, you will. The subconscious is a powerful thing. My advice is this: If you are bored at home and you don't do the extras, then don't suggest the things to your SO that you are likely doing with these ladies... It's sure sign that you are "learning" them elsewhere. Finally, get a lawyer to spring you if you get caught and don't admit anything... Assuming you don't hobby every week, amass your "extra" cash slowly... 50, 100 here and there and keep it in a place that she won't likely explore. In this way, the trail is cooler if someone is poking around in your accounts after you get busted.

-- Modified on 1/5/2006 9:57:04 PM

you can say:

* gambling: "ohh honey the jackpot was huge and I went crazy and bought 300 bucks worth in tickets"

* secret "gift" for her: "ohhhh damn, now I have to tell you the truth...I gave the money down to put that diamond bracelet on layway"

vacation: "remember that cruise you wanted to go? well I spend the money to pay part of it"

* car repair: "I had a problem with the transmission and I had to pay. The SOB car dealer said it was not their problem"

* charity: "ohhh I bought 300 dollars worth of dog food and dropped at the SPCA, poor animals they needed a christmas too"

There are MANY ways to justify some spending IF is not a huge amount.

No need to panic, simple the excuse, the better.



-- Modified on 1/5/2006 9:53:07 PM

this actually happened to my brother once.  My father actually took all the plumbing apart trying to find it, but to no avail.  It was quite an interesting day at the homestead.

You were mugged by . . .

a buxom blond, raped, pillaged and left hopelessly wandering the streets with a black eye (use makeup for last statement). Wink!

Hugs,
Ciara

A good general rule is to make any evidence point to a lesser offense; that way, it's more believable than a complete protest of innocence.  For example, if you've had a few good-sized cash withdrawals, but there's nothing else to look at (like a positive STD test, or a psycho stalking you), come up with an explanation that fits all the available facts.  You might say something like this:

"Honey, I thought I'd play a little higher-stakes poker with my buddies, and it didn't work out so well.  I'll kick their asses next time, though!"  (This may lead to a discussion of your gambling habits, and the desirability of going to card games or casinos without the SO.  Hopefully, it's not such a huge amount, or such a pattern, that anyone's going to get really worried about you.)

"I wanted to make an anonymous charitable donation -- if I gave them my name, then we'd be getting calls from telemarketers for the rest of our lives.  My boss's boss was pretty insistent about getting 100% participation from our division, though."  (Have a reason why you didn't discuss it with the SO, and have a specific charity in mind.  If asked which one you picked and why, it would look pretty bad to not have an answer.  You might also say you gave to a political organization that your SO might not fully support, but that could cause more problems than it solves.)

"I screwed up and whacked my coworker's car with my car door.  I told him I'd cover the bill, so it wouldn't go on our car insurance.  He was pretty mad, and didn't want a check -- what was I supposed to do?"  (Self-evident, but if the SO can get access to your coworkers, potentially could backfire.)

"Went to Joey's bachelor party, and we all chipped in to cover expenses.  I just got one big withdrawal to cover that and all my other stuff for that week." (Obviously, this only works if there was an actual bachelor party to go to.  Also, if the SO really checks your numbers, you might have to explain what you might be spending hundreds of dollars on at a bachelor party.)

There's two elements to consider -- first, why you needed *cash*, and second, why you didn't tell your SO.  You can usually get around both of these by admitting to something that's vaguely embarrassing, but not *criminal*.  The best part is that by admitting to a lesser offense, it neatly covers why you didn't speak up in the first place.

Note that if you establish a pattern of unusual events in your SO's eyes, you're eventually not going to be trusted, which is leading you down a very bad road.  Find out what happened to get you caught, and take powerful measures to make sure it never happens again.  You may have to cut back on your hobbying, or cut it out entirely for a while.

It might not be a bad idea to start establishing a pattern of doing things that require some layout of cash, so that you have something your SO knows about already to point at.  This might be a regular trip to a casino, or playing golf with buddies and betting on it, or going fishing/kayaking/skydiving/whatever.  Don't do something that has a fixed outlay, like a gym membership, but something that might be a plausible reason for spending a few hundred extra dollars once in a while.

called locksmith to unlock car... (place call answer but pretend wrong number) had to pay a lot cause in a difficult spot - only took cash (as is the case for some) availability...etc....

know that is strange but...

want another one....   fee for a convention in town ====  and although the company wished  you to go - they did not wish to pay - you did... thought it wouldbe a good networking session....

or

the truth -!  and then a just kidding - I carry cash around and to avoid having to go all the time.. I just took out a lot at once to pay taxi and lunch engagements for work.

try www.alibinetwork.com.

For this very reason I withdraw $400 or so a week from the ATM to pay for gas, dry cleaning, dinners w/the wife, Starbucks, golf, allowance for the kids, etc. My wife knows I prefer to pay by cash, but what she  doesn't know is that I don't need all $400. So I keep about $100 or so a week stashed for hobbying. Voila - once a month off I go.

I would prefer to pay everything w/a credit card and get free air mileage, but it's a trade-off for the hobby.

So miamidude - keep withdrawing money on a weekly basis, and let her see you spend the cash on everyday items. Develop a consistent pattern. Always take a little extra out for you. Consider it the hobby tax.

I did not read the entire string of posts so if this is the same as someone else, i'm sorry. The excuse for the money could be gambling, i.e. went to the track and lost on the ponies. She might not be happy, but it might be easier on you than the real story. Good Luck! Mike

Anyone in this hobby should read this website.  It includes ways not to be caught.