you have been dating her on the outside without paying her?  Have you seen her yet as a customer?  Or has this only been a written friendship with emails?  The answer to these are going to give guidance as to what advice is appropriate.  More info needed.

You do not want to reveal these feelings; she is a provider for a reason.  This is all or part of her job.  You will drive her away.

And love springs eternal, but you might have to grow a pair.  I love meeting you ladies, I love chatting with you, you do make me laugh, keep me young, and some of you I truly love your mind.  But I've never confused flirtation with romantic interest.  You have not even met her in person.  At some point, she will write you off as a time waster because of the multiple e-mails, ignore you, and then someone else here will offer you some rope. See how it goes after you meet her.  

There's a reason 'Pretty Woman' was shot in LA.

When I was newly independent and doing incall in NYC, I had a really cool client who booked 3-4 hours at a time, and became a regular. While I didn’t have romantic feelings for him, I enjoyed his company and found him to be a very endearing and awesome human being.  

Since I liked him, and also because his money was contributing to 30% of my rent per month (that might not sound like a lot, but my rent was literally in the several thousands), I really wanted to go out of my way to keep him around. So, I started letting him stay overtime, chatting. Nothing crazy, maybe about 1 hour.  

We went to our first lunch OTC at my suggestion. I’d been obligated to cut a date short (someone else needed to get into my incall). I told him in advance, but since he’d originally wanted more time, I felt that it would be a nice gesture to offer an OTC lunch to make up for it. He agreed, and we had a nice time.  

I continued to let him overstay a bit after sessions. He started emailing me… at first, every few days. Then every day. I worried that he was developing feelings, he kept squarely on “his” side of the fence. Still booked sessions. Also, he had an SO and was a longtime hobbyist. So I figured that things were OK… the emailing was a bit excessive, but I enjoyed it a bit and also figured it was part of the job.  

Things progressed, I went on a vacay and bought him a REALLY nice gift (to show appreciation for his company, and business both). He bought me a few gifts as well… small things but extremely personal. I still have them.  

So, he asked me on a ‘OTC’ lunch date, on a day when a session was not booked. He mentioned a restaurant I said I’d never tried, and we agreed to meet there one day right before I had to get my hair cut. I had to eat lunch anyway, and it seemed like a nice gesture to keep him loyal. We had a good time.  

I NEVER saw him as anything except as a cool guy… and, above all, a very good favorite client.  

How did it all fall apart? Basically, he lost his head and thought that the “relationship” couldn’t stay where it was… it had to either go forward, or end. So it ended.  

He was not only hurt, but I think he was very angry and felt used. I wasn’t trying to string him along. I just used bad judgment, and also trusted that things were, while VERY friendly/informal, still professional. Up until the end, he ALWAYS made sure never to cross the line. Sessions were booked, the L word was never even hinted at. He’d mentioned an SO to me several times. There was even talk of him sessioning with a friend of mine. So I just kind of naively figured that, we could maintain a good mutually beneficial and enjoyable relationship… I think it taught both of us a good lesson. Unfortunately, it ruined what had been a fun and happy 'friendship', and created bad memories and future hang-ups for BOTH of us.  

Take it for what it’s worth. While my situation seems similar (superficially), I can’t speak to YOUR friend’s feelings. And I was very young and new at the time.

Met with a provider I've been trying to meet for some time over the weekend. She emails me she's running late. I wait it out and finally get the nod to come up, 30 minutes after scheduled meeting time.

Scheduled a two-hour session starting at 10 am and I had someplace to be about an hour afterward, so I made sure I had time to be where I needed to be. She's fantastic - hot, funny, great conversation. But then the phone rings at 12 and it's the front desk asking why she hasn't checked out yet. She tells them she thought she paid for late checkout. She says she'll be leaving momentarily. So we're done.  

So my two-hour session turns into 90 minutes. She later emails me and asks if i'd like a whitelist from her, and says I can write a review if I feel the urge. I want to write a review, but I'd need to add the lateness and the fact that I asked and paid for two hours and only got 90 minutes. I don't want to be a dick, but I didn't get what I paid for. Should I just reach out to her and let her know? Or tell it like it is in the review?

Providers have Feelings

None of us have the context to be able to tell you what to do here.  How have you been communicating with her?  Through e-mail and IM?  Or via the phone?  What is the length of her responses?  Could she craft them in minutes or did they take hours to write?  Or have you been talking to her on the phone for hours?  Who is initiating the contact?

Those are the factors that I would consider.  I have had multiple providers indicate to me that they are off the next day and would like to go out to dinner or see a movie or just see the area.  Generally speaking (perhaps overwhelmingly), I have preferred to keep things separate.  No need to complicate things.  

On a few occasions, I have told a provider that I would like to get to know her better or tested the waters.  Two times they basically said that they wanted separation between business and personal lives.  I respect that and was fine with it.  Once I went out with the lady a few times.  And finally, a few times I enjoyed their company so much (just being around them), that I paid them (not their hourly rate) a reasonable sum of money to take them out.  

A provider who connects with you and makes you feel good about yourself is an excellent provider.  But she is just that -- a provider who is providing a quality service.  So I think that your "default" has to be to continue to look at her as a provider unless there is a very compelling reason to think otherwise.  

A compelling reason in my mind would be if she is the one who is initiating hour long + phone conversations.  You should always do your best to encourage open and honest communication, but respect that it is a business and livelihood for them and do your best not to place them in an awkward position or make them feel uncomfortable.  

My two cents.    

Good news...you are human and not the first, last or only client to develop feelings for her. If you do not tell her she will eventually find out anyway. How you treat her, talk to her, thank her and do small things or small gifts will be a dead give away.  

You should tell her and be upfront.  See what she says.  

I recommend taking a break from her. NO CONTACT at all for a few months. See what happens.  See a few other ladies in the process.  

Bottom line, you developing feelings is normal and human. Learn from this experience and reassess why you are in the hobby. I think you may want things that a provider should not be expected tonprovide, like an emotional connection. If you two go down that road great. But youb should tell her and make a plan on how to deal with it.

I've been a sales person since 1968 and yes, there are some customers who you really like and look forward to seeing. It starts out that they spend some money, take your advice and things work out well -- lather, rinse, repeat.  

Sometimes, it works so well that they become regulars and start special projects with special needs. They can be high-maintenance but you're usually compensated for the extra effort that a good sales person puts into that kind of project/customer. There's a lot of time spent together, going over details, lots of communication and it feels good to actually complete a high-stakes project like that. I would actually get a tingle down my spine when that deal closed and the payment cleared.

Every once in a great while, you actually become friends with a customer -- have lunches with them, talk about your families, how the kids are doing, get into each other's lives in a detailed way. I've been on hunting trips with clients that took us into the wilderness for 10 days at a time and you mos' def' bond during an experience like that.

I have NEVER dated or become romantically involved with a customer/client, although there have been opportunities along the way. I've always observed the rule about not defecating where you eat (although I have dated a co-worker within a company where it wasn't prohibited).

I recognize the signs, having experienced my first "feelings for a provider," back in 1992 and it got to the point where she was smart enough to recognize it and cut it off. I was new to the p4p world and in the aftermath of a divorce, so I was not emotionally prepared for romantic involvement with anyone. I am still thankful to her for her insight and honesty, 25 years later.

I'm using that lesson on myself right now, as I've gotten to the point where I've started getting that "tingle" with a provider that I saw just this past weekend on an overnight. She's 38 years younger than myself and going through some stuff (yep, bit of a "rescuer" myself) -- so I'm going to cool it for a while and see how she responds. She's 400 miles away and it's a bit of a "push" for me to do the grand gesture of an overnight, so I'm going to ease off and see how things settle out.

You know the old saying about "If it's meant to be, it will happen." I'm going to see if it's meant to be, but she will have to be the one to broach the subject.