Newbie - FAQ

You're worrying about nothing
EzekielKarl 466 reads
posted

I get it man, we all started out as newbs.  You don't have to be a wealthy Adonis to have a great time with some incredible providers.  There are plenty of beautiful ladies out there who offer their services for reasonable rates and most of them won't care if you are carrying a few extra pounds.  If you are respectful, follow their rules of etiquette, and pay their rates without trying to negotiate, they will treat you right.  If hitting the gym would make you feel better about yourself, then go for it, but it's hardly a necessity.

As to the possibility of getting turned down, that is just a part of what they call the hobby.  I've sent out screening emails that went unanswered and even had a provider cancel on me 2 hours before a date I had set up well in advance. It happens.  It doesn't mean you are too boring or lacking in other areas.  Just move on and find another girl.  As a newcomer, you might find it especially difficult to book appointments for a while.  Most reputable providers are wary of prospective clients with no references.  Look for girls whose websites specify that they are newbie-friendly and willing to provide references.

What you SHOULD be worried about is law enforcement and the possibility of getting ripped off.  Stick to well-reviewed providers whose safety and reliability can be verified, at least until you have a better idea of what you're doing.  Some guys are willing to "take one for the team" which means seeing new providers with zero reviews.  I highly recommend you avoid taking that kind of risk for the time being.

I hope you find this advice helpful.  Good luck and have fun out there!

JLanen5120 reads

I'm a complete newb here and haven't jumped in yet (waiting on a p411 verification).

I don't consider myself bad looking, though I admittedly should probably start going back to the gym, but I'm no stud nor do I have the experience to really say I'm confident in the bedroom.  

What worries me the most is that I'm not super rich. No doubt I still have some options out there, but what if down the line when I get more comfortable hobbying I decide I want to spend some more money on one of the really popular girls? Sure, I can dress sharp, but the top rated girls see enough wealthy men that they will just know, not to mention a decent verification check will show that I'm on the low end of the corporate ladder.

I guess where I'm going with this is that I lead a very boring, kind of lonely lifestyle and I think that's going to get me turned down, in which case I don't see how hobbying is any different from real life. Has anyone else out there had similar concerns? Do the majority of girls who get popular abandon lonely guys for a wealthier breed of client?  

My other concern is using my apartment for outcalls. It's a basic small apartment on a busy road in the suburbs. It's not a disaster, but it's boring and I don't have much. There are a couple of outcall only girls I'm interested in, nobody I feel would be exclusive to the super rich clientele, but I'd hate myself if they came over and were expecting something a little classier. I definitely don't want to get into this if I'm just going to lose more self-esteem.  

I'd like to hear from anyone who has felt similar, understands what I'm talking about, or providers' opinions on dealing with middle-wage low self-esteem guys. No doubt I can't be the only one, but I'm self-aware to a fault where I think the majority of people in this world aren't. Sorry for writing a book about it, but I'd really like to hear what other people think so I don't walk into an experience that I'll regret.

Maybe others will see this differently, but here is my take.  

You don't have to be a stud, handsome or rich.  You just need to be able to pay the rate a lady asks.  That, and be a gentleman, make sure your personal hygiene and communications are good and your home is neat and you're good. Consider seeing an in-call lady if you are concerned about your place.   You are taking a great first step by getting set up with P411.  

Yeah, I guess maybe the super high-end gals might prefer wealthy guys, but I have met loads of nice, beautiful and sexy ladies who are available for the 99% of us as well. Don't worry about the future, if some gal you like moves on, just find another one.  That's what this is all about anyway.  

As far as your self-esteem, consider this.   A beautiful woman is going to meet you and have sex with you on the first date. What could be better for the male ego?

Be sure to read enough reviews and pick somebody who is described as being nice, experienced/mature enough and friendly and that'll help.  

Have fun, stay safe

-- Modified on 4/8/2017 4:48:18 AM

6 mos ago I too walked in his shoes and now it`s real good.

..... I think you'll find the majority only care that you pay our donation in full.  

Your income and how you budget your finances is YOUR business.  

You pass screening, show up well-groomed and with a good attitude?  Your tax bracket should mean absolutely nothing to someone who has TRUE class. ;-)

What you described would be an issue in the high end sugar bowl but not in the hobby. You see like a very humble and appreciative guy and as long as you are able to pay my rate I would love to have you as a client. Majority of our time spent together (with smaller time frame dates) will be us without our clothes, so what you wear really doesn't matter, also most uber rich guys wear clothing that looks like it's from the thrift store, lol. I'll take a gentleman in "regular" clothing over an entitled snob in a gucci suit.

I look forward to seeing you progress in this "hobby" I think you will do great.

Nobody has ever asked how much I make and I've never said.
I pay the rate, and don't negotiate
(I'm a poet, and didn't recognize it)

I once had that insecurity though as I was getting a really nice hotel for a special date.
I live in a large metropolitan area, but still even the best room I could get pales in comparison to what some of the women have experienced in other countries.

She didn't care. It's more about the person to person connection.

As Emma Lowe said on twitter:
"Yes, I run a business. A business of pleasure. My time is monetized, not my connection to you. This is real intimacy. I love what I do."

EzekielKarl467 reads

I get it man, we all started out as newbs.  You don't have to be a wealthy Adonis to have a great time with some incredible providers.  There are plenty of beautiful ladies out there who offer their services for reasonable rates and most of them won't care if you are carrying a few extra pounds.  If you are respectful, follow their rules of etiquette, and pay their rates without trying to negotiate, they will treat you right.  If hitting the gym would make you feel better about yourself, then go for it, but it's hardly a necessity.

As to the possibility of getting turned down, that is just a part of what they call the hobby.  I've sent out screening emails that went unanswered and even had a provider cancel on me 2 hours before a date I had set up well in advance. It happens.  It doesn't mean you are too boring or lacking in other areas.  Just move on and find another girl.  As a newcomer, you might find it especially difficult to book appointments for a while.  Most reputable providers are wary of prospective clients with no references.  Look for girls whose websites specify that they are newbie-friendly and willing to provide references.

What you SHOULD be worried about is law enforcement and the possibility of getting ripped off.  Stick to well-reviewed providers whose safety and reliability can be verified, at least until you have a better idea of what you're doing.  Some guys are willing to "take one for the team" which means seeing new providers with zero reviews.  I highly recommend you avoid taking that kind of risk for the time being.

I hope you find this advice helpful.  Good luck and have fun out there!

... providers routinely see clients from all walks of life: rich, poor, black, white, male, female, etc.  Just hobby within your means and there will always being someone within your price range.

Don't fret! I for one don't give two craps how much you make or how much furniture you have. Are you able to pay the rate??? Cool we can be friends and I won't make you feel like crap lol. If you're ever in Vegas....hit me up. But seriously, don't think to much into it. We really don't care and if anything will make you feel better about yourself;)

I take it that you are youngish, and starting off on that corporate ladder of life.

Let the hobby become your motivator to climb that ladder quicker, and earn more.  To some extent, I am motivated in my business this way, and began to earn big bucks, at least for a decent run of years.

In any case, the hobby has good values for people from nearly every walk of life.  If you establish tastes that run towards older or less glamorous gals who are still excellent in terms of their performance and affability, you can then really have a great time without breaking the bank.  I've been doing this for years, and I'm still loving it.

Another option to consider is the sugar baby/daddy scene.  I'm still of a mixed opinion about it, but check out the Erotic Highway Board to read up on it and see if you think it is something you might want to engage in.

I hope you find the happiness you want here.

NO, it won't solve all  your issues but it's great for your physical health, your mental outlook and women (in and out of the p4p world) will look at you differently. Why? Because you will be more confident in yourself, and that makes up for a lot of what you are perceiving as shortcomings.

I was newly separated and heading towards divorce in '92 and substantially overweight (yeah, I was sublimating my non-exisitent sex life with food). I went from 248 pounds to 160, from a 44 inch waist to a 32 inch waist -- then got a trainer and hit the gym.  A year later, I was a hard 30 inch waist and rode my bike 40+ miles a week -- would have been impossible with the "old" me. Two years later and I was a lean 197 pounds; felt great to walk along the beach without a double XL t-shirt!

Give it 6 weeks and you'll feel measurably better. Give it 3 months and you'll start noticing changes in your body. Give it 6 months and other people will start noticing those changes. A year later and you won't recognize yourself in the mirror (compared to what you used to be). More stamina, strength, endurance, flexibility and longer life -- all from 4-5 hours a week of concerted effort (plus the concomitant dietary necessities).

Pays great dividends throughout your life and for the rest of your life. 25+ years later and I'm still at it.

If you don't take of yourself, who will?

-- Modified on 4/8/2017 6:59:12 AM

Sox.B4.Shoes360 reads

A motto from good personal trainers says.

"You can't work out a bad diet."
   
One trip to Starbucks can eliminate ALL the benefits of a 1 hour workout.
Losing weight start with what you put in you mouth.  A personal trainer that tells you that is worth her pay.

Now, most personal trainers in these crap gyms are telling you to lift weights and do cardio, but don't spend a minute going over a client's diet.  That is a shit trainer.

Agreed. A fit body starts in the kitchen! All the working out in the world doesn't touch whole foods organic diet. Changes the whole whole thought process also! Give it 21 days at least for it to take effect......

You have received some great advice in this forum.  I echo most of it ---

1) Get back into shape.  That will boost your energy and confidence -- to name a few things.
2) Few girls care as long as you pay the donation (at least) and are respectful.
3) You may find that a few girls will prioritize someone who wants 2 hours of their time over someone that wants 30 minutes of their time.  
4) Taking pride in your appearance goes a long ways.  Wear decent clothes.  Appeal to the senses (cologne).  See #1.
5) Maybe focus on incall vs. outcall.  I am a little surprised that you seem to have it reversed.  Usually most people do not want someone coming to see them until they have built up trust and rapport.  

JLanen307 reads

On the outcall thing: I'm not totally focused on outcall, just saw a couple girls that only do outcall. My apartment is fairly private, I'm only connected to a small business, no real neighbors, and off of a main road. So it's private, but not so private that the location would sketch anyone out. Plus the idea of having a good time and not having to shower and rush off home through city traffic is appealing to me.

It's good to have you here. I also want to commend you for being so vulnerable about everything. Before I give my two cents like everyone else, I want to remind you of one thing. No one here is perfect regardless if you may think differently. The beautiful thing about this world is it straddles of the world of what is real and what is an illusion. I think we all come off as though we have it all together but the truth is we all struggle with weight, self-esteem, confidence, "keeping up with the Jones' mentality" et cetera at some point because of the standards we aim to live up to. In time... we all get there. So focus on your journey... don't pay attention to the others. *Deep breath* Ok... cool?  

 
1. As long as you can pay the provider's rate, you're golden. Do NOT negotiate. A heaux, is a heaux, is a heaux, no matter how much her donation is. Sorry not sorry... it is what it is. So, when you decide to see a "higher end" provider just save up. If she (provided the provider is a woman) acts dismissive about it, that says more about her character than it does about you. Trust and believe. A gent once went a month without seeing providers to save up to see me for an overnight. That meant so much to me and said so much about his character. Now I find little ways to give back like baking homemade chocolate, toffee, and butterscotch cookies when he'll visit. His favorite. It's the little things, my friend.  

2. This world can help you build confidence. Most providers are patient and willing to teach. You want to learn how to be a bit more stellar in bed? We'll help. You want to learn the art of small talk and conversation? We'll help. Hell, I've gone shopping with a client to help him step his fashion game up because he asked. My role is not to make you feel down, it's to build you up and this world can do that.

3. Hit the gym. I know it's easier said than done but it does wonders. It'll be tough at first but you know what they say. It takes four weeks for you see your body change, eight for friends and family, and 12 for the world. Focus on cutting (getting your weight down) and then building. Currently, I'm cutting and building muscle at the same rate. I look better, feel better, my sex game has never been better, and I ooze confidence. You my friend, will to!  

4. If you're nervous about your location stick to incall for a while. Plus it gives you a bit of distance.  

5. Be safe. Do you research. Do your due diligence. Also, remember reviews are relative. Looks are relative. Sessions are relative. What works for one person may not work for you. Read her website if she has one... that can usually tell you more than a review can.  

6. If you don't click with a provider... keep it moving. Find someone you do click with and build that rapport. It'll come back to you tenfold in a positive way.  

7. Have fun! Don't get caught up in the drama. Don't get caught up in competition. Just enjoy your ride (literally and figurtively) - do what makes you happy!

 
Again, I know you're nervous - we all are at first but you'll warm up. I wish you the best of luck. Be safe and have a great time!

My Best,  

LJ, xox

JLanen351 reads

Wait, wait...  you bake cookies?  

Seriously though, thanks for taking the time to write out a thoughtful response.

Yes, I bake cookies but I do more than that. My theory is: treat me like a Queen and you'll be treated like the King... or Queen *hey ladies* that you are. Cookies, both sexual and non, will be provided in abundance. Haha.

And no problem! You got all the love today!

LJ,

What a truly wonderful post. I know you weren't talking to me, but thank you for putting this up.

One of your comments reminded me of a great song.

Wow. Thank you so much. I'm not a newbie at all and, like Fearghas, I know you weren't addressing me, but you know what--we old guys hit low points too, when our confidence falters, we feel sad and discouraged, we wonder again about things like are we OK even though we aren't wealthy and have to save up for weeks or months sometimes to see a lady we really want to meet. So, I really needed to hear what you just said, and I thank you.

Posted By: LondonJames
... A heaux, is a heaux, is a heaux ...
To which I'll add, a classy human being, is a classy human being, is a classy human being.

You sound like a wonderful human being. Reading this was nice. Thanks. :)

JLanen442 reads

Wow, didn't expect so many people to respond. I really appreciate the advice - especially the fact that it came from clients and providers. That really helps shed some of my inhibitions.

Good hygiene and common courtesy are obvious to me, so no worries on that. And I'm no cheapskate - I'm willing to pay the price for quality time, I may not be rich but I'm self-sufficient enough to spoil myself from time to time. All my issues are just what I see wrong about myself that I can't change overnight. I can't fake who I am is all I'm saying, nor would I really want to.  

The only thing I want out of this is some good times with great girls so I have something to look back fondly on in my death bed assuming my social life in the real world never improves. I'm in my mid-thirties and far from that point, but want to use the energy while I still have it. Also, knowing for a fact that I'm going to have a couple hours with a beautiful woman gets me motivated to start caring about the little things again. It's actually a good feeling and I haven't even started yet.  

Thanks again everyone! :)

As long as you arrive on time, leave on time, showered, smell good, respect boundaries, screening is easy breeze.. that's all we care!  

:)  
have an awesome weekend!

contains a wealth of knowledge to help you stay safe.  TER VIP enables you to read the juicy details in the reviews which is essential for determining if the lady you are interested in seeing as a skill set compatible to your needs.

Also, learn to use the search function on TER. You will find great advice for newbies such as seeing only well-reviewed ladies. In addition, there is lots of information about hobby phones, using your home/apt. for an outcall, etc.

Lastly, hobby safe and within your means using disposable income and not the rent, utility, or other essential monies.

Good luck.  

easily get laid without fear of being judged?? They're supposed to boost your self-esteem and make you feel accepted. That's their job! Just start out small for now. Don't bite off more than you can chew. You should probably start out with someone whose rates are reasonable. There are lots of $80 quickies out there, but you have to know where to look. If you donate in full without trying to negotiate her rates, and treat her right, she won't care about your looks, income, car or your apartment. Quick word of caution though, if I were you, I wouldn't invite anyone over to my apartment who I haven't already met. The first encounter should always be an incall, and then you can take it from there based on the mutual vibes you're both giving off to each other. Make sure you do your research and shop around for the best deal. I didn't have the luxury of any support groups or online forums when I was a newbie, I was on my own, and I had to learn the ropes by being out in the field, but luckily for me, I was in a location where the law wasn't strictly enforced. You don't have anything to worry about approval wise. Your real adversaries in this game are LE, con artists and STDs, always remember to walk with your umbrella, and always play to win.

"" Her booty was worth the sacrifice, but do yourself a favor and bring a brown paper bag to bag her face with. Also, don't plan on staying too long, this one's only good for a quickie.""  

 
SMH!!!!

 
To the original poster, you seem to be a great gentleman... don't take advise of individuals like this.

Posted By: ElTorro
easily get laid without fear of being judged?? They're supposed to boost your self-esteem and make you feel accepted. That's their job! Just start out small for now. Don't bite off more than you can chew. You should probably start out with someone whose rates are reasonable. There are lots of $80 quickies out there, but you have to know where to look. If you donate in full without trying to negotiate her rates, and treat her right, she won't care about your looks, income, car or your apartment. Quick word of caution though, if I were you, I wouldn't invite anyone over to my apartment who I haven't already met. The first encounter should always be an incall, and then you can take it from there based on the mutual vibes you're both giving off to each other. Make sure you do your research and shop around for the best deal. I didn't have the luxury of any support groups or online forums when I was a newbie, I was on my own, and I had to learn the ropes by being out in the field, but luckily for me, I was in a location where the law wasn't strictly enforced. You don't have anything to worry about approval wise. Your real adversaries in this game are LE, con artists and STDs, always remember to walk with your umbrella, and always play to win.

WTF dude? Seriously?  Please explain how one goes shopping around for the best deal.

It can be done, and has been done right here on TER by filling out the search form. There's a section where you can input the price range you're looking for. I wouldn't recommend something I haven't already tried now would I??

I'm looking for ladies that fit qualities I'm looking for, not a price range. I'm making an investment of my time so I'm seeking ladies who are worth it. Quality over anything else.

If you are not a likable person I will not waste time, effort, nor my breath on you. You are not King David, and I am not your muse. I will not pump you up to make you feel great about yourself so that you can give me some dough.  

You just gave this man the worst advice ever. He said that he is concerned about not being accepted. $80 quickie girls just want to be paid and are certainly not going to give him the acceptance/affection/fantasy he is looking for.

This is not the place to be picky, so save that for your civvie life. Is that the reason you only have 3 reviews on TER? Best of luck trying to find a job working in McDonald's with your current employment history.

When I first started this hobby 20 years ago, I was middle management, middle class, and living by myself in a one bedroom apartment in a middle-class area. My self-esteem was okay, but I was somewhat self-conscious about my place in life. I felt more comfortable hosting an outcall at my place than driving to some unfamiliar incall location.  I always showered shortly before an appointment, and kept my place relatively clean. Eventually, I realized that a change of bedsheets just before an appointment was a nice touch.

It worked out fine. Nobody ever judged me, or at least they didn't say anything out loud. There were times when I got stood up, but I don't think it was because of my zipcode. Providers that I had seen once were always happy to see me again. I almost never tipped, but I was clean, courteous, and always had the correct donation amount.

juggles99359 reads

I am slightly more experienced in the hobby now. I started working out months before I started and got P411 (best thing you will spend your hard earned money on other than time with some of these wonderful providers of course). I wanted to be in better shape. I don't care that we are paying for time with these ladies, I want to look good and and it makes me feel good and everything is all the better that way, at least in my opinion.

I've met with a few providers and if you are like me at all you'll be pretty nervous but in my experience they will make you feel comfortable in no time. If you bring the proper donation amount, maybe a little something extra here and there, be a gentleman, I can't see anything going wrong. My self esteem has always been super low. I'm not the most confident guy but after meeting with some providers I feel it has gone up quite a bit. When you meet with them and have a great time I think you'll realize what I mean.

As far as not being super wealthy, we just have to budget more carefully and maybe be more patient...which kinda sucks sometimes. It is probably easier being single though and not having to worry about too much else. I've been trying to get a second job forever. Try cutting back on any monthly expenses that you can. Just stuff that I've been doing and happily. Best of luck and have fun!

 I'm obviously still newbie-ish and you wanna take advice from everyone else here like I did but since you sound like me (and no doubt many others like us who get into the hobby) I thought I would share.

Good for you!  I'm sure that many women enjoy people like yourself who are real and down to earth --- and most importantly --- don't pretend to be something that you are not.  Too many people try to make the ladies think that they are high rollers.  Most people who are millionaires wouldn't let anyone know.  I suspect that many people are somewhat nervous the first few dozen times that they knock on that door.  Eventually, perhaps, that nervousness may shift from an anxiety-driven nervousness (negative) to an excitement/inquisitive/butterflies in the stomach (positive) type of experience.  You want to see how the profile matches up with reality.  

As long as your place is clean and you have the correct donation, the rest is irrelevant. A lot of us live rather modestly as well.

Posted By: Tobi Telford
As long as your place is clean and you have the correct donation, the rest is irrelevant. A lot of us live rather modestly as well.
Paid pro giving you good advice .Correct rate for pros.

Low self esteem isn't sexy, and that more than anything else will turn anyone off. Here are some pointers:
- Your financial status is your business.... no one else. Just go for girls who are within your budget and fit your standards
-You don't have to dress flashy to give off the impression of good wealth. Clean appearance, great manners, and easy-going attitude will get our panties wet.
-If you are concerned about your place not being "luxurious" trust that the best luxuries are plain and simple. Just clean up and have basics in monochromatic colors. You don't need a lot of unnecessary rubbish that will only make the place look cluttered.

There are some girls out there who only see clients with status... avoid them. They are not looking to offer GFE and will do anything to get your cash and leave you dry. Later you will see that seeing a "really popular girl" is no different than any other in terms of being more luxurious or offering a better experience. It all has to do with her personality, not how many times you see her ad or how many times her name gets mentioned on TER.

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