you must be a really boring guy..you can fill your life with many things other than sex and still be quite happy
I disagree. I do have a Platonic relationships with many women who are co-worker or friend's wives. But if you're living with someone and you don't have intimacy it would be hard to take for me.
Monogamy is not the only kind of couple--it is probably a stressful and unhappy life style.
Open relationships, even where the primary relationship (living together, kids, intimacy in hobbies and families and friends) is sexless, can work. My spouse knows I am here--our marriage does quite well.
The Myth of Monogamy: Fidelity and Infidelity in Animals and People. David P. Barash and Judith Eve Lipton is an excellent book on this
Speaking of couples ...
Does anyone else get an extra thrill, provider or client, banging someone known to be in another relationship?
I like banging married women.
The unhappiness arises when there's a mis-match in sexual desire between partners and no good way to bridge the gap.
Of course, in many cases providers help bridge that gap--sometimes with full knowledge and consent of the partner... and sometimes not.
I didn't realize just how important sex was until 20 years into my marriage. I wanted sex including cuddling etc. 3-4 times per week. Almost from month one my wife wanted sex etc. 1-2 times per month, at best. Mismatch. We stayed married for 20+ years, had two kids, and, I just "put up" w/little sex. I concentrated on my kids and my career. Gradually, it bothered me more and more. I felt rejected. It was a brother - sister relationship, NOT a marriage.
Someone here in this thread talked about "open marriage" - that was NEVER a thought in my mind.
My key point to this is "mismatch." If both people want sex, cuddling etc. once per month - fine! If both people want sex etc. 7 days per week - fine! Opposite desires are a major issue.
In my next life I hope I marry someone on the same page as me.
Thanks to TER, I've met ladies who like/want sex everywhere from 5 times per week to minimally 3 times per day. And I don't mean P4P sex.
My excuse/explanation is that I had little experience and I was young when I got married.
My $.02
Mr. J ..... im you but on Year 30
I'm guessing we are more the norm than the exception, I mean ... not too many married guys in a rewarding sexual relationship with their wives that see "providers" ..... I mean ... I love my wife, she's great at everything except sex. I thank the ladies of my alternate world (the ones on TER) for making my marriage work.
But it requires both parties to not be interested or one of them to be OK with the other seeking sex outside of their marriage. Otherwise at least one of them is not going to be that happy.